Disposable Women (college, advice, clothes, casual)
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Think about the bolded part. Think about the inherent Catch-22 onus you place on your quest for the right man AND on any man you evaluate.
I've BEEN established before, and then met a woman who could spell "disestablishmentarianism", much to my all-too-late appall and chagrin.
Getting away from my gun-shy flinching which doesn't directly apply to your situation, I don't think those guys judge themselves because they need to out-do you, dominate you with regard to finances. I think they judge themselves harshly because men who do not PROVIDE financially are judged harshly on a regular basis by everyone. Women cite the societal unfairness with which they must live. For men, THAT one is true. There are others, but men are judged quite harshly IN GENERAL for their ability to be THE primary provider.
"But that's not me!"
True, maybe; but per your own words bolded up there, it exists and you don't want to be one of THOSE women.
Just something to consider.
What Catch-22? I don't understand.
I am strong. I want "him" (the man who brings this particular thing to the table for me)...to be stronger. Not physically, that's irrelevant to my point here. Once blanket green light consent is out there from me, I don't want him to ask me permission for anything ever. I want to serve his happiness and please him. Since I don't want us to move in and have a 24/7 dynamic, I don't place the pressure on him to be that strong all the time, and in fact if he wants to confide in me or be vulnerable to me, I can be caring and nurturing to him...but the main thing is, I don't want a man who approaches me with uncertainty or insecurity, when I've made it very clear that I wish to feel owned by him in our relationship. The men I've interacted with, hoping to get this to come together, seemed pretty capable of pulling that off. At least I saw them as such.
This is what tears me up, Sasquatch. My own insecurity inside, is that if I want to be satisfied in this way, I'm going to have to try to put on weight, get a boob job, wear makeup, pretend to not be as smart, learn to basically be a weak, soft, feminine girl and try my best to mask my strength. Emulate the other subs who apparently have got it right and found Doms they can respect, look up to, and give themselves over to. I don't know how to do any of that. And the idea of getting surgery to be good enough really bothers me. Also, the last time I tried to be like other people (granted it was a VERY long time ago) I failed completely and no one liked me at all.
Guys say they want a girl who can just be herself. But that's only if her Self is what you want it to be, I guess.
I don't place the pressure on him to be that strong all the time, and in fact if he wants to confide in me or be vulnerable to me, I can be caring and nurturing to him...
but the main thing is, I don't want a man who approaches me with uncertainty or insecurity, when I've made it very clear that I wish to feel owned by him in our relationship.
He has to own you in the relationship, yet he can confide in you and show you his vulnerability. How would that work?
The guy I am dating now is not someone I would have picked out for myself, but he is perfect in the sense that he wants to be with me and does not hesitate to show me through his actions.
He has a full beard, which normally, I have only ever dated clean cut guys.
I am not at all high maintenance and as his ex stated this week, I am naturally beautiful and do not need to wear make up.
Its pretty obvious you aren't that into this guy, he is your fall back guy, your safety net and your absolute last choice. If any of the other guys you usually went for showed serious interest, you'd leave this guy and ''downgrade'' him back to a friend.
Ask yourself this. If you had been trying to get with a man for years but he only gave you a chance after his couch sleeper left, would you feel good about that?
Would you feel great if you heard him saying ''The woman I am dating now is not someone I would have picked out for myself, but she is perfect in the sense that she wants to be with me and does not hesitate to show me through his actions.''
I don't think you are being honest with yourself by being with this guy and he does not have the self respect or esteem to be honest with himself about it either.
OP - When you look back on your past relationships - were they good? Do you honestly feel like you were a good match? Did you genuinely want to be with those particular men or did you just want the relationships to work because you didn't want to be alone? Were those men good to you? Were they good for you?
My guess is that you aren't as great a catch as you think - attractive, fun, social, etc. Sometimes we refuse to see the problem when it lies within.
I'm not familiar with your past like some are, but it sounds like you're the neighborhood revolving door for men. Why are you okay with that?
I think that sometimes they don't realise how much competition is out there. There are plenty of women that have all of the qualities that she mentioned but without the dangerous ex felons and all of the other stuff she mentioned.
I think that sometimes they don't realise how much competition is out there. There are plenty of women that have all of the qualities that she mentioned but without the dangerous ex felons and all of the other stuff she mentioned.
True. It's increasingly easy to meet people given the options available. The competition is easier to find.
I was single June 2014 through February 2015. I did go on 61 dates from July 2014-Sept 2014, but did not see a future with any of them. All were met through online dating.
Hm...I see. Maybe try going longer, not just dating the next guy "in line", but being patient until one shows up who is not so, uh, low quality.
Can you describe what you want and need in a partner? Please be detailed, and avoid negatives, using more positive statements (ie avoid "not an ex-con", instead make that a given or state something like "law-abiding").
What goals, values, lifestyle, qualities, and interests should they have that are at least EQUAL to what you have to offer? How can you reasonably improve to attract what you want, in the case of wanting something you dont quite meet yourself yet?
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