Disposable Women (personality, friends, beautiful, internet)
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You are just playing the "80-20" game my friend. The one where 80% of women think they have a shot at the top 20% of men. Sure, the men will have sex with you (men are always horny), but that's as far as it goes.
Did you read the part where I said that my latest ex called me the night he got out of prison? If he was part of the top 20%, society has a bigger issue than I initially thought.
Starting in the late 60s, feminism took a radical "women don't need a man" turn, spurred by Gloria Steinem ("A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle").
Since then, a great part of a generation of young men was raised by mothers who believed men were, at most, only ornamental--disposable--and unnecessary in the home. If the mothers believed that...what do you think they taught their sons?
I have often thought this to be part of the problem. I am fairly independent. Not my nature but out of necessity because I have learned to do everything on my own.
Urban Sasquatch, I liked that post. I've been trying to work out what my own "common denominator" factor is with some of the less than stellar results I've had. Here's a question, though...
A man I'm starting to see begins to ask probing questions about my past, my relationship history, etc. If I tell him the truth about things, then I will tread onto at least one of those landmines. But I do not like to lie. If I dodge the question or decline to answer, I probably come off like I have something to hide.
It seems to me that once a woman has accumulated life experience or adversity of some kind, it doesn't matter if she remains optimistic and strong and positive, learns lessons from it and gains some wisdom, resists becoming jaded...if everything has not been sunshine, roses, and innocence, then she has no hope of having a connection with anything but a loser looking for a pack mule to carry his problems for him.
So unless you ARE perfect and innocent with no actual history, you're doomed.
No?
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Thank you. This is what I was thinking but just did not know how to word it. I have had some craptastic drama in my life that has made me damaged goods apparently. I do not know how to fix some of the things. I am a lousy liar and I had kids young, with losers, no matter how I slice it, I can't hide that fact.
So what do say, is it that some women are just disposable? What makes them so?
Not at all. It could be that you are dating the same kind of jerks & ignoring the ones who will treat you better. Maybe because your standards are different. I had this one friend who complained about not having a girlfriend all the time, blaming women for having very high standards. Me & my friends used to set him up with some women but he rejected them all because he thought they weren't pretty enough for him. He was less than average looking & wanted to date a perfect 10. One of my cousins has a phd & she never goes for a guy who has less than a masters degree. For her, higher education is the most important quality so a decent guy with a bachelors degree & a regular job is not good enough for her. You need to keep an open mind & adjust your standards. Go for the guy you would typically not date but he has been showing interest in you. You might be surprised. Its not lowering your standards, but readjusting them & prioritizing what is really important. People value something they don't have. If you are very attractive then a person who is average looking will value you more. If you are highly educated then someone less educated will value your accomplishments. Its not settling, but complimenting each others qualities. The average looking guy might have a better job & the less educated guy might look better.
Not at all. It could be that you are dating the same kind of jerks & ignoring the ones who will treat you better. Maybe because your standards are different. I had this one friend who complained about not having a girlfriend all the time, blaming women for having very high standards. Me & my friends used to set him up with some women but he rejected them all because he thought they weren't pretty enough for him. He was less than average looking & wanted to date a perfect 10. One of my cousins has a phd & she never goes for a guy who has less than a masters degree. For her, higher education is the most important quality so a decent guy with a bachelors degree & a regular job is not good enough for her. You need to keep an open mind & adjust your standards. Go for the guy you would typically not date but he has been showing interest in you. You might be surprised. Its not lowering your standards, but readjusting them & prioritizing what is really important. People value something they don't have. If you are very attractive then a person who is average looking will value you more. If you are highly educated then someone less educated will value your accomplishments. Its not settling, but complimenting each others qualities. The average looking guy might have a better job & the less educated guy might look better.
The guy I am dating now is not someone I would have picked out for myself, but he is perfect in the sense that he wants to be with me and does not hesitate to show me through his actions.
He has a full beard, which normally, I have only ever dated clean cut guys.
I am not at all high maintenance and as his ex stated this week, I am naturally beautiful and do not need to wear make up.
I attract losers. The latest ex got out of prison and called me that night. Like I get all the fixer uppers. They might as well say "so I have this issue, date me, so you an fix me and then I will move on to be a better man for the next woman."
Obviously you are unhappy to continue like this. There are ways you can get a better deal. One of them is to stay away from damaged goods. Nobody is perfect but damaged guys are not your responsibility. Damaged people can always find suckers to fix their problems, you don't have to volunteer.
The other way is to appreciate guys who treat you well. They may not be what you pick for yourself but your history of dating shows you made some bad choices. You are not damaged goods because that happened in the past. You need to stop thinking you deserve someone as damaged as you .
Guys love to help women, why are you pushing them away by being so independent? I notice a lot of independent women give off a vibe like they don't need a guy? Guys love to be the knight carrying your shopping and doing things for you. Too much independence makes guys think they're useless
Its about compatibility as well which is complicated. Always remember that the one who treats you like your disposable trash is that to someone else and you are what another is seeking and vice versa.
The guy I am dating now is not someone I would have picked out for myself, but he is perfect in the sense that he wants to be with me and does not hesitate to show me through his actions.
He has a full beard, which normally, I have only ever dated clean cut guys.
I am not at all high maintenance and as his ex stated this week, I am naturally beautiful and do not need to wear make up.
The fact that you never hooked up with this guy in all the years since high school while going through all the losers, says a lot right there. He's not your type. Then, you actually admit it in this post, that normally you wouldn't date a guy with a beard and I think somewhere else you said he smoked and you don't like smokers.
But he is "perfect" because he wants to be with you and shows you through his actions. Hmmmm.
So what you are saying is without realizing it is that you are "settling" because you think he is the kind of guy you have been looking for, even though he isn't your type. For your sake I hope I am wrong, but I see you not settling for this guy for long no matter how he treats you.
Are some women meant to be disposable? Like men only want them for a short time and then they move onto other women.
I ask because I find myself as the short term woman for men. Interestingly enough my tenant is very similar to me and she has had the same experience with men over the years. We give everything we have in a relationship but it never is good enough to land a man that wants us forever.
And it is not that either of us are unattractive, it is quite the opposite. Men will line up to date me, but then it seems like once they have me, the novelty wears off rather quickly. I often say that men like the idea of me, but rarely do they know what to do with me. I said this to her the other night and she whole heartily agreed.
I am dating a man now that seems to be the exception, as he says he does not find me all that difficult. Of course, I am scared to get attached to him because I am so use to men leaving me.
So what do say, is it that some women are just disposable? What makes them so?
I don't think you are disposable, but I do think you must have some sort of issues that you can't get and keep a guy. You could be finding users/projects. It could be after they get to know you, they find they don't like certain aspects of your life or personality. It could be they don't like the kids. Maybe, because you are so independent, you intimidate them. I saw in another post you describe yourself as a "party girl" and there are a lot of guys who don't like that.
You can't know someone from reading posts on the internet, but you "read" to be someone that a lot of guys I know, myself included would love to have for a LTR with potential to marry. There has to be something wrong, it is just a matter of you figuring out what it is.
Well, you seem to jump from man to man quite a bit. Honestly, I can never tell what you are with. You choose guys everyone here tells you are no good, and you keep on any way.
Why do you give your all to someone you just met? My husband gets my "all" but it's spread out over the long term.
Among people looking for relationships, dating is he process to determine that. They are passing on you, and a lot you should be passing on. It's not that a person is disposable, it's that they don't want what you have for whatever reason.
Weren't you in counseling for choosing wrong guys over and over?
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