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All in all, I'm quite glad the OP posted this article. I can be a bit idealistic myself, and once in a while a good, slapping reminder helps me reorient, focus, bear down anew.
Okay I might agree with you. And in that sense that encountering a bully is normal but I was just questioning the idea that bullying itself normal behavior.
I think we're all saying it's "normal", because it's expected. Kids will be kids, and it's at an early age where kids start showing their dominance. For instance, my manager has a 12 year old daughter that wants to attend Duke University. He and his wife can likely save enough money to send her to Duke without a scholarship, but they're instilling in her to be first in everything she does, to help her understand what adulthood is like at an early age.
Guess how that's working for her age 12 years old. She now deals with bullying at her school, because she's quite frankly much smarter than other kids her age, yet can still communicate with children her age. The popular girls (or mean girls) view her as a threat, because she's different from them. She doesn't listen or watch the same tv shows as they do. So the girls pick on her, because she's different.
My manager continues to tell his daughter to stand up for herself and it's okay to be different, and that's what the daughter does. Obviously, the manager sees the big picture in the end. While she's off being successful, there's a good chance that these bullies will struggle through life, because they put too much energy into picking on people, instead of doing well in school.
My manager was picked on through elementary school too. Even he said it sucked, but he can go back to his class reunions and while everyone else is living paycheck to paycheck and living unhealthy lives, he's 10 lbs heavier than he was in high school, lives in a nice house, and has a comfortable living for he and his family. It's all about priorities and he put his energy in his education and career.
I'd say that both men and women in USA expect other party to bend over completely to make them feel comfortable while they do everything to bash them into the ground if it's convenient to them...... I've had way less issues finding someone whom I deem as suitable back in my native country than in America - which tells volumes about mainstream dating in America...
... these men and women fit each other perfectly but they seem to be revolted by it because of the bold part stated earlier in this post...
Prescient and precise!
The logical consequence of rampant individualism is the proverbial law of the jungle. The culture of dating reflects the culture at large, and evolves even faster. The tensions that we see in modern dating-culture are harbingers of where life in general is heading.
And the reason is:
Quote:
Originally Posted by calnbs
Its funny how people think they aren't salespeople and that they hate salespeople. I got news for you....Everyone is a salesperson whether they know it or not. You are always selling. Someone is always selling to you. The best salesman gets it all: the girl, the friends, the job, the money, and the happiness.
If indeed we're a culture of salesmen, peddler and hustlers, well then, we compete and sell and hustle. We excel, do we not? But have we not lost something fundamental?
But if that's the case there will always be victims, which is what I'm trying to say. People who can't stand up for themselves will always be around. How is one side natural and not the other? How can one side change but not the other?
I don't think bullying is normal because I was taught and believe in not making people's lives harder than it already is. It might not make sense to a lot of you on here but that's what I believe. Life is challenging enough systematically as it is without other people bringing more strife into it.
Yes there will always be victims, and weak people. They exist and will continue to, and they are the targets. It's unfortunate but it's the reality. Some people are aggressive others are incredibly passive pushovers that are easy prey and get taken advantage of. How else do bullies gain power. How else do few people become leaders? A lot of people are victims. Heck I've been a victim in scenarios because I've been mistreated before or felt like I was unjustly hurt. In various scenarios you can take on different roles. You can find yourself a weak victim in one case, and a mean a$$hole in another.
And there are some people that are always victims. Because of their beliefs. They have beliefs about life that continue to create the reality where they are always the victim. So yes being a victim, is just as natural as being a bully. Not everyone is one or the other at every instance of their life.
The last part of your paragraph is projection. Just because you were taught that means nothing for everyone else that was not. I'm sorry that you were taught something that is not a belief for a lot of others that coexist with you. The reality is that bullies, victims and all other variations and deviations are normal extensions of humanity.
I don't think bullying is normal because I was taught and believe in not making people's lives harder than it already is. It might not make sense to a lot of you on here but that's what I believe. Life is challenging enough systematically as it is without other people bringing more strife into it.
I teach my kids the same thing. I've also taught them about safety in numbers and stepping in when someone weaker is being picked on. But, I also tell them that they cannot expect that everyone will operate under the same value system as them, and it's not an excuse to exploit others or treat them poorly. I tel them this because I believe almost everyone has the propensity to engage in transient bullying behavior, but their target will probably remember them as The Bully for the rest of their lives.
Well that's a good story to here and I'm glad to here it.
But if bullying is expected than why don't we expect that some people will be affected by it? Why do we expect that everyone can handle life's ups and downs with flying colors? Isn't it reasonable to think that some people will not?
Oh hell I can sum up human beings in one fundamental idea; my axiom of human nature: human beings are just glorified primates with delusions of grandeur. So much explanatory power. That's why it's axiomatic. It might not make you a better person, but it is the truth. Everything you wanted to know about human behavior in one little sentence.
It's always something that I've struggled with personally.
I've never just been able to grasp why someone would willingly make another person's life more difficult.
I've always tried to understand why. Sure I've projected myself but I just believe that the world would be a better place if people just... well didn't try to make others lives a living hell.
So much has been said on these forums especially towards those who are socially awkward some cliche things such as
"To have a friend you have to be a good friend"
"And follow the golden rule"
The problem is that not everyone follows these tenants and when you meet someone like this it becomes real discouraging.
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