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There's this girl that I go to university with. We have a few classes together and over time we became friends. Maybe it could have been my attraction towards her twisting my perception but, I felt that she was interested in me too. Her body language suggested so (playing with her hair, smiling, laughing, being close, teasing, staring at me sometimes). She likes/liked almost all of my posts on Facebook. I don't want to sound crazy but, I counted once and most of my likes came from her. Eventually we exchanged numbers and started to get to know each other. I'm the sort of person that I"ll reach out to someone but, if they shut me down, I'll cease contact. I won't chase. So I shot her a text and that was it. I wouldn't have texted again but, then she shot me another one a few days later. Then we went back and forth up until now. At first, I texted her more. Then it was her constantly keeping up with me. We'd talk 4-5 nights a week, for hours, up to 12-1am. Writing this now it sounds crazy but, on average we would text 30-40 times a night. A few nights we texted 70-80 times back and forth. She'd send me pics of herself, family, other things, and videos. We became really close, sharing deep information with each other. We'd talk at school, on the phone and texting all night. I thought we had something, so I asked her out. And while she didn't turn me down, she didn't sound too excited about it. Something came up so we had to cancel. I asked her out again to the movies....twice. The first time she balked at the idea of seeing a scary movie but, said she would go (again not too excited), and then when I tried to set a concrete time, she said she was too busy but, didn't say like maybe next week or something. So I knew she was just blowing me off.
I won't lie. At first I was upset. I felt like she was leading me on. I didn't talk to her for a couple of days. My emotions eventually cooled down and I decided to take the higher road. I still share classes with her, so for it not to be awkward, I try to be cordial and respectful towards her even though I'm still dealing with it. I can get her not wanting to be with me romantically. She doesn't owe me a relationship. What I don't get is why she would waste my time, getting close to me, asking me deep things she has no business knowing, talking to me for hours and acting super flirty only to become a weirdo once I asked her out. Like I'm some crazy person who got the signals mixed up that can't take a hint. I've yet to ever meet a woman like this. I'm friends with a lot of girls at school but, I don't spend hours talking with them. I don't get it.
She didn't do anything wrong. It sounded like all she did was respond to your texts. BFD; she could have been constipated for all you know!
I would be careful about linking a response (to a text, email, in person question) with a sign of interest. Short of spam/telemarketing calls, there aren't a lot of emails/texts/calls I neglect and/or don't return but that doesn't mean I'm interested in that person, product, etc.m
She didn't waste your time intentionally. You don't know what she was doing at the time, so maybe she was bored and trading texts with you just helped her pass time. If you continued to trade texts with no mention of opportunity cost (that you had something else to do, needed to go to bed, etc.), it's unlikely she would think you didn't have the time to exchange texts during that time.
There's a reason a lot of dating advice to men involved a contact freeze or at least a contact reduction; it's a good way to see if you're still on someone's mind when you're not providing them a direct reason (an email, a text, a call, etc.) to be in the front of their mind at any given time.
No, it's not sad. Men do not want to be friends with women when their sexual needs are not being met, such as the case of the OP. OP is a single dude looking for a dating relationship involving sex. That's his first priority.
That's correct but... OP may have tricked himself into thinking he could befriend this girl and then get her in the sack. I've seen men try that in the past; I knew someone who wanted to befriend girls online and then date them later. That does not work. You need to know the objective upfront and interact accordingly. There's nothing wrong with wanting to meet women for romantic purposes but pretending not to when that is the real objective does not benefit anyone.
If I became friendly with some dude and texted him all the time, talked to him all hours of the night, talked to him at school, and texted him like 30 times a day sometimes, there is no way I could not think in the back of my mind that this guy might have some interest, and that I was allowing him to think that it could be mutual.
Listen, I have male friends. I have one good male friend that I talk to EVERY day. But damn if we talk all hours into the night, and send each other 30 text messages, etc etc. And I have known this guy for YEARS.
Anytime I meet and start talking with someone of the opposite sex, I am aware of how things are looking, and what is in my mind and what COULD be in the mind of the person im talking to. I can easily see how the OP was thinking that he was just getting to know this chick. However I will agree that he could have made his move sooner. I feel texting, talking to, sharing personal info was fine when it comes to getting to know the person. But definitely the OP should have asked her out sooner. This way you can know if the person thinks you are just texting, calling, sharing personal info, and talking all hours into the night just because you just want a nice ol' buddy to talk to. () As this chick obviously thought.
Yah see people need to keep this in mind. When you meet someone of the opposite sex like that, and you are both single and free, be careful thinking that someone just wants to be your bud. Seriously, espescially women. WOMEN! What guy.. THAT JUST MET YOU OR JUST HAD AN INTRODUCTION MADE TO YOU is going to want to talk with, text all day, talk all hours into the night about personal stuff with you if he ISNT looking at you in a romantic/sexual way?? Or gay??
I mean, by all means. Men, please correct me if im wrong. Not saying it doesn't happen once in a while. sure. But *GENERALLY* speaking, if you meet a woman for the first time, or if you finally get introduced to a girl you have seen around, do you call her a lot, talk to her in school all the time, text her all the time, and get all snuggly in your bed as you chat/text with her all hours of the night cause you want to be her FRIEND??? I mean generally speaking here. Women need to smarten up with that. Because women think they can do all of that, and much more sometimes, and the guy is just supposed to KNOW its all in friendship. And I say this as a woman!
I'm glad other people decided to offer their opinions because I know I'm not crazy. Maybe I don't have much experience with girls, so I could have been looking too deep into things. But generally, I wouldn't text anyone 80 times in one night. Or multiple times throughout the week for 1-2 months. In addition to flirting with them during the day. I would be scared of leading the girl on and making her think I wanted her.
It's kind of weird now. When I started to ignore her, she got really mad. Now that I'm being polite but, distant, she tries to talk to me more and I can tell she wants me to stay around whenever we see each other but, I've just kept things short. I really felt like she was just using me for the attention / validation, and when I asked her out, I ruined the nice set up she had.
BTW, I wasn't some evil duplicitous person attempting to trick her. I'm a bit shy. I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or just a tease, so I took things slow. I wasn't looking for sex. I mean I was but, I wanted to be in a serious relationship with her. And I wrongfully assumed that any person who'd invest that much time into someone had to know it was weird to do that for just platonic relationships. If I had a girlfriend, she would totally not be cool with how much we were talking And the closer we got the more confident I became that she wanted more. But it's cool. Lesson learned.
OP, too much texting and talking on the phone. It's ok to set up interest over the phone BUT you need to ask her out while the iron is hot. You waited too long and told too much about yourself over texting and phone conversations.
There still maybe hope....MAYBE. Good you cut off the contact a bit. Maybe she will become interested AGAIN and text you. Don't sulk, text her back and get the ball rolling again. THIS time don't suggest things she doesn't like. Don't ask her out to a scary movie if you know she doesn't like scary movies!
I think she is/was interested in you. No way does a girl waste her time messaging back and forth IF there wasn't some sort of interest. I just think you came across lame and didn't build enough attraction.
All this crap about women insisting on "friends first" garbage. So when a guy actually tries to get to know a woman before asking her out, and she's texting and replying and having all these long talks all the time, and then she get all luke-warm towards the idea of one date and stumbles and fumbles around.
That's why I will always-ALWAYS-tell every guy, whether it's in person or on a message board, to tell her he has romantic interest in the woman immediately. If not, then you're in the friendzone and you're ****ed. If you tell her and she doesn't have interest, you just move on and she's no longer on your mind.
It's a rough lesson because it always takes at least one of these before you understand it, but once you do, you save yourself some grief.
I'm glad other people decided to offer their opinions because I know I'm not crazy. Maybe I don't have much experience with girls, so I could have been looking too deep into things. But generally, I wouldn't text anyone 80 times in one night. Or multiple times throughout the week for 1-2 months. In addition to flirting with them during the day. I would be scared of leading the girl on and making her think I wanted her.
That's YOU. Understand, everyone is not you. Maybe she was just intersted as friends, was bored, and doesn't have many friends. Maybe she is not socially adept and didn't know you were interested.
What is the BFD why you can't just express your romantic interests at the beginning? Seems like you were afraid of early rejection and, as someone aptly put it, sneak in through the back door of friendship.
Or maybe she was interested in you that way in the beginning but somewhere along the way she lost interest, for whatever reason, and didn't want to hurt you by cutting off contact. She didn't say no to your invites, she just didn't seem enthused. Then again, maybe you're reading that wrong.
You should just ask her straight up if she is be interested in dating you or sees you as just a friend.
You ignored her, after all the time and friendship and soul-searching conversations? I would be mad too.
No doubt she now thinks you were just after one thing, because you have demonstrated that her friendship without sex is of no value to you whatsoever.
She definitely has a story to tell her friends now about how skeevy "some guys" are.
You handled this all wrong, champ.
You're right. I totally just wanted to bang her and never call her again
It wasn't friendship. I'm friends with a good number of girls at school. Real friends. We have group get togethers, parties, etc. all the time. They're cool people. If I had a girlfriend, she would be cool with me hanging with them. I doubt she'd be cool with me talking to a girl for hours every day I accept that this woman doesn't owe me a relationship. But I don't have to be her second string boyfriend either.
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) As this chick obviously thought.
