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But I don't have to be her second string boyfriend either.
It might be time to get out of your own head here for a bit.
From what you've said, I've seen nothing to indicate that you were "second string" anything. Why the need to make this all about her and what she did wrong?
There's this girl that I go to university with. We have a few classes together and over time we became friends. Maybe it could have been my attraction towards her twisting my perception but, I felt that she was interested in me too. Her body language suggested so (playing with her hair, smiling, laughing, being close, teasing, staring at me sometimes). She likes/liked almost all of my posts on Facebook. I don't want to sound crazy but, I counted once and most of my likes came from her. Eventually we exchanged numbers and started to get to know each other. I'm the sort of person that I"ll reach out to someone but, if they shut me down, I'll cease contact. I won't chase. So I shot her a text and that was it. I wouldn't have texted again but, then she shot me another one a few days later. Then we went back and forth up until now. At first, I texted her more. Then it was her constantly keeping up with me. We'd talk 4-5 nights a week, for hours, up to 12-1am. Writing this now it sounds crazy but, on average we would text 30-40 times a night. A few nights we texted 70-80 times back and forth. She'd send me pics of herself, family, other things, and videos. We became really close, sharing deep information with each other. We'd talk at school, on the phone and texting all night. I thought we had something, so I asked her out. And while she didn't turn me down, she didn't sound too excited about it. Something came up so we had to cancel. I asked her out again to the movies....twice. The first time she balked at the idea of seeing a scary movie but, said she would go (again not too excited), and then when I tried to set a concrete time, she said she was too busy but, didn't say like maybe next week or something. So I knew she was just blowing me off.
I won't lie. At first I was upset. I felt like she was leading me on. I didn't talk to her for a couple of days. My emotions eventually cooled down and I decided to take the higher road. I still share classes with her, so for it not to be awkward, I try to be cordial and respectful towards her even though I'm still dealing with it. I can get her not wanting to be with me romantically. She doesn't owe me a relationship. What I don't get is why she would waste my time, getting close to me, asking me deep things she has no business knowing, talking to me for hours and acting super flirty only to become a weirdo once I asked her out. Like I'm some crazy person who got the signals mixed up that can't take a hint. I've yet to ever meet a woman like this. I'm friends with a lot of girls at school but, I don't spend hours talking with them. I don't get it.
As usual, I disagree with most of the posts here.
It's VERY obvious that you were interested in her. Men and women do not spend many hours talking on the phone if there is no interest. Even when I was in high school and college (recently), this was assumed.
I think she just liked the attention and led you on (either consciously or subconsciously) for her ego.
In the end, the lesson is that you can definitely get to know someone, but there is a fine line between being friendly and being her girlfriend. As you get older, this distinction will become more obvious.
Do not ever again spend many hours talking to a woman on the phone unless you are already dating.
I will also say that she was probably pretty damn confused as well. You chatted and talked for 1-2 months and never asked her out. She likely thought you were interested in the beginning, and then questioned herself because it kept dragging without even the suggestion of a date. Why did you wait so long to ask her out if you were interested from the start?
She probably lost interest when she figured you were just wanting to be friends and nothing more. As you have said, folks don't text/talk the way you all did without some kind of interest. Seems like she was getting mixed signals perhaps?
Can't you just tell her you value her friendship but that you would like to be more than friends? Ask her if she would like to go with you (insert something you know she would like to do). After all that texting & talking on the phone certainly you know what she likes, what's important to her etc.
You probably should have known that she didn't like scary movies so maybe she thought you weren't paying that close of attention.
Just be honest about how you feel. What's the worst that could happen? If she tells you she doesn't feel the same way about you, fine there's your answer. Awkwardness gone. Then you don't have to think about it anymore.
Or maybe she'll say yes. Maybe it was some misunderstanding. Just talk to her
Yea. I don't do that. I don't have "girl friends" that I speak to for hours every night. I couldn't do that in good faith because I wouldn't want them to think that I was interested in them romantically.
Guess you didn't notice what you just posted. Read again your above statement and see if that may have been the problem of the young lady.You came off as a friend and she was comfortable with that. She wasn't interested in a relationship just a friendship.
Being friends with a woman is by no means a guaranteed path to a relationship. Sometimes they just want to talk. I've even heard of women who have friendships with different guys for different things they need. One to talk, one to fix stuff, or run errands for them, one to help with school subjects, and then a romantic BF. So just be careful. Women don't make good friends, in general. They like guys to use them for different purposes. You help them out, but they aren't there to help you. They use their looks to play guys. I personally would avoid women as friends. Just keep them as acquaintances, but don't get into helping them with their problems.
I am a natural flirt and I have found myself in awkward situations like this. There was only one time that I had the same feelings for the guy and I still said no. We had such a great connection that it scared me to move forward with him. Stupid, yes, but it is what it is.
It really doesn't matter what her intentions were at this point. She wasn't interested in being more than a friend with you. Maybe she liked you but just not enough. Once you accept that that's OK and probably has nothing to do with you personally, you'll be able to not dwell if/when this happens again.
Personally, as a 21 year old female, I see where you're coming from. If a guy got my number and we were texting often and "friendly" with one another, I would initially think romantic interest. However if no date was made 2-3 weeks after this time, I would most likely lose interest because I would assume he wasn't interested in me anymore. However, if I really liked him and still thought there was a possibility at a deeper connection, I'd go on the date.
But that's me and everyone thinks differently. You also shouldn't just assume that she knew your romantic feelings because you think she should have "figured it out." It may be obvious to you and me but maybe not to her. Still, it doesn't matter if she did or didn't figure that you liked her as more than a friend because the end result would have probably been the same.
Like I said before I personally think that even if you waited too long to ask her out, if she REALLY liked you, she would have agreed to the date anyway.
So honestly I would let it go and accept that she wasn't the girl for you.
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