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This is fundamentally incorrect and flies in the face of everything I've heard from my female friends, and indeed from my POV. In fact, most say ONS /hookups try even harder than established partners because they want the option of seeing you again. Beyond that, if you're the type to be attracted to solid dudes, most of them will have as part of their ego the need to get the person they are with off, even it is a one time thing.
This is one of the reasons why so many women I know seem to prefer hook ups and casual short term things... because guys do bring it and try really hard and don't get complacent. Personally, I never got off on a ONS (though I've only had a few, most attempts turn into something more) and rarely do early with any woman at the beginning as I'm focused on her and getting her there. That isn't uncommon.
Timberline, as you and I have discovered on this forum we have wildly different life and dating experiences. Your experiences don't invalidate mine, and mine don't invalidate yours. It may have something to do with where we live (midwest vs. I think you're in Boston?), the circles we travel in, or the people we gravitate toward.
But MY experience has been that men who are not invested in me, are not invested in my having a great time in bed, and MY experience has never been a ONS leading to a relationship. Those are my experiences, so why would I keep repeating them just to see if something different happens? Isn't that the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result?
Again, *I* do not prefer hook ups or casual relationships, so MY dating life will reflect that. I do not expect every other woman's experiences to be a reflection of mine, but there are obviously women who agree with me.
I am very happy with my life and my choices. I get lonely, yes, but I'm living life on my terms and can satisfy myself better than most men I've been with. Finding someone to have sex with is not a primary motivation for me. I want to build a long term relationship with someone, and if I have to wait, or even if it never happens, I'm ok with that.
This is fundamentally incorrect and flies in the face of everything I've heard from my female friends, and indeed from my POV. In fact, most say ONS /hookups try even harder than established partners because they want the option of seeing you again. Beyond that, if you're the type to be attracted to solid dudes, most of them will have as part of their ego the need to get the person they are with off, even it is a one time thing.
This is one of the reasons why so many women I know seem to prefer hook ups and casual short term things... because guys do bring it and try really hard and don't get complacent. Personally, I never got off on a ONS (though I've only had a few, most attempts turn into something more) and rarely do early with any woman at the beginning as I'm focused on her and getting her there. That isn't uncommon.
IDK.... based on what women are saying in this thread, I think you may be the one that is "fundamentally incorrect". LOL
Just for the simple fact that women are a little more complicated than men in that department are and ONS aren't typically the best classroom for what that particular woman might need... if you follow me....
IDK.... based on what women are saying in this thread, I think you may be the one that is "fundamentally incorrect". LOL
Just for the simple fact that women are a little more complicated than men in that department are and ONS aren't typically the best classroom for what that particular woman might need... if you follow me....
Having never had a ONS I guess maybe I don't really know what one does during one. I know that a man could not possibly know what pleases me based on one night. I also would not want a man to be working to "get me off" as one poster put it. I would rather things develop slowly and naturally where we learn what works for each other. Sex should not be a push this button to get this reaction type of thing. It should be we do what feels right and if it doesn't work we try something else. Only by actually knowing someone would most of us feel comfortable enough to talk about what we need and want. Women are all different just like men, so what works for one might be all wrong for another.
Except, as I and many other women have stated on this forum, in a one night stand the man has ZERO incentive to see that the woman enjoys her time, and the woman has ZERO guarantee that she will enjoy it. In a ONS I have no way of knowing if the guy is going to pound away for five minutes (or less!), get off, and then roll over and go to sleep or get up and leave. So if that happens, what did I just get? Absolutely nothing. NOTHING.
Why on earth would I take that chance, when I can wait for an actual relationship with someone and we can feel each other out sexually (making out, talking) before choosing to take the plunge?
I'll wait, thank you very much.
Question?
So, why would some women in this forum (who had ONS) and women in general, have them if they knew the man had zero incentive in pleasing the women?
Having never had a ONS I guess maybe I don't really know what one does during one. I know that a man could not possibly know what pleases me based on one night. I also would not want a man to be working to "get me off" as one poster put it. I would rather things develop slowly and naturally where we learn what works for each other. Sex should not be a push this button to get this reaction type of thing. It should be we do what feels right and if it doesn't work we try something else. Only by actually knowing someone would most of us feel comfortable enough to talk about what we need and want. Women are all different just like men, so what works for one might be all wrong for another.
Exactly, most people aren't so forthright with whatever works for them and a certain level of intimacy is required, whether that happens as organically as you've mentioned or is just flat out said, ....for some people things need to progress at a certain rate.
Not right or wrong, just is.
I'm not against ONS, I've had a few, and I know for a fact that I probably wasn't the best lover for them...maybe I was, maybe not.......
I can' say much more for TOS rules and pg13 and all....
Exactly, most people aren't so forthright with whatever works for them and a certain level of intimacy is required, whether that happens as organically as you've mentioned or is just flat out said, ....for some people things need to progress at a certain rate.
Not right or wrong, just is.
I'm not against ONS, I've had a few, and I know for a fact that I probably wasn't the best lover for them...maybe I was, maybe not.......
I can' say much more for TOS rules and pg13 and all....
Ime, having ONS in my teens vs ONS as an adult was quite different. As a teen, I could really care less about giving a woman an orgasm; because quite frankly most women in their teens have a difficult time achieving one (from what I experienced with young women) though ive tried hard. My ONS as an adult, I made it priority that I get the woman off...or at least do my best. But again, that's just me.
IDK.... based on what women are saying in this thread, I think you may be the one that is "fundamentally incorrect".
Indeed, our subject here is human behavior and human preferences, not the Navier-Stokes equations or conformal-mapping or whatnot. In our present context, there's no such thing as "fundamentally incorrect". There is perhaps "unusual", or "not borne out by personal experience". But to say that somebody's assessment is "fundamentally incorrect" is a deprecatory implication of ignorance. Well, some of us are more ignorant than others. Fair enough. But is anyone so incorrigibly ignorant as to be "fundamentally incorrect"?
Returning to our topic, persons whose lives are well-established and largely fulfilled, with the exception of "dry spells" bereft of sexual contact, would be amenable to casual relations and perhaps uninterested in something that requires more compromise and more involvement. What's perhaps surprising is that traditionally such behavior has been ascribed to men, but is now becoming common also among women. This is, one supposes, is especially the case amongst older people, who are beyond the life-stage of family formation, and who are looking for the occasional thrills to punctuate their otherwise independent lives.
Indeed, our subject here is human behavior and human preferences, not the Navier-Stokes equations or conformal-mapping or whatnot. In our present context, there's no such thing as "fundamentally incorrect". There is perhaps "unusual", or "not borne out by personal experience". But to say that somebody's assessment is "fundamentally incorrect" is a deprecatory implication of ignorance. Well, some of us are more ignorant than others. Fair enough. But is anyone so incorrigibly ignorant as to be "fundamentally incorrect"?
Returning to our topic, persons whose lives are well-established and largely fulfilled, with the exception of "dry spells" bereft of sexual contact, would be amenable to casual relations and perhaps uninterested in something that requires more compromise and more involvement. What's perhaps surprising is that traditionally such behavior has been ascribed to men, but is now becoming common also among women. This is, one supposes, is especially the case amongst older people, who are beyond the life-stage of family formation, and who are looking for the occasional thrills to punctuate their otherwise independent lives.
Were you an English major?
You should write a book.
And no I am not being facetious.
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