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This comes up a lot on this forum. Many of the men here seem to equate dating with dining out, and then some of them complain that women only date them for the free meals. I don't think that's the norm. Most dates are about having fun together like you said--museums, parks, concerts or art fairs, hiking or skiing, skating, browsing through bookstores (great way to get to know someone and their interests!), whatever. I don't know where this focus on dining comes from. It's nice as an occasional treat, but is very limiting as a steady thing.
I think it is a cave man thing. The man has to prove to the woman that he could provide/feed her. Back in the day he brought her a deer he hunted to impress, now he takes her to a restaurant.
This comes up a lot on this forum. Many of the men here seem to equate dating with dining out, and then some of them complain that women only date them for the free meals. I don't think that's the norm. Most dates are about having fun together like you said--museums, parks, concerts or art fairs, hiking or skiing, skating, browsing through bookstores (great way to get to know someone and their interests!), whatever. I don't know where this focus on dining comes from. It's nice as an occasional treat, but is very limiting as a steady thing.
Very true. But if he wasn't even up for paying for my portion of a $15 entree, then I'm sure he wouldn't like paying for any type of attraction fees.
I feel like he's going to be in for a major eye opener here in America........
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't asking the guy to take me out every night, but I am used to going out to dinner once a week when I am dating and when I told him that, he didn't even like the sound of that.
He sounds clueless. He either hasn't been very long in the US yet or only surrounded himself with other Germans. Sounds all very familiar to me.
Once a week in a restaurant is a lot for Germans. I don't like restaurants, my home cooked food is wayyyy better.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I think it is a cave man thing. The man has to prove to the woman that he could provide/feed her. Back in the day he brought her a deer he hunted to impress, now he takes her to a restaurant.
I think it is simpler than that. It is an easy thing to do. It doesn't take much creativity or thought.
So...he was successful at giving me my space but there were major red flags in other areas. Let's count them.
1. He wanted to be my boyfriend after a week of knowing each other.
2. He said "I LOVE YOU" (WTF) only after knowing each other for 10 days.
3. He was extremely cheap to the point it was disturbing. Let me explain. So apparently in Germany (and in Europe) it is normal for men and women to split the costs on dates and everything else. Well, he expected that from me here. Never in my life have I had to pay for one date nor has any man asked me to pay for a date. When I told him that it is not normal in America for women to pay, he seemed very uncomfortable with this. Now, understand this everyone. He is an engineer. His company pays for his housing and car. He is not poor. It's not like I'm asking to go out every night but he literally would not want to take me out to dinner or do ANYTHING and find reasons to do things for free...like walk in the park or go to the mall to walk around. Just thinking about this makes me speechless.
You didn't want to be his girlfriend yet (understandable), but you wanted him to pay for all the dates and didn't want to do things that didn't cost money (not understandable).
You didn't want to be his girlfriend yet (understandable), but you wanted him to pay for all the dates and didn't want to do things that didn't cost money (not understandable).
I think you both dodged bullets on this one.
yes, no compatibility. Neither one had a clue or the interest for the other person's culture.
I feel like he's going to be in for a major eye opener here in America........
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't asking the guy to take me out every night, but I am used to going out to dinner once a week when I am dating and when I told him that, he didn't even like the sound of that.
OP, I can see why he was turned off. To him, this probably sounded like a demand, or certainly an expectation. Plus, it was said in the context of a discussion about the man paying in the early stages. So he probably envisioned money flying out of his wallet.
I think, rather than assigning blame to anyone, it's best just to say you two weren't compatible. He sounded a bit clingy or smothering, coming on too strong too soon without even knowing you. That's not a good sign. So you guys checked each other out for a couple of weeks, and decided it wasn't a good fit. Fair enough.
But I wouldn't characterize all American dating as weekly dinners paid for by the guy. And some women are really happy with walks in the park to feed the ducks or go boating in the pond, or for picnics, and museum visits, art gallery-hopping, attending free outdoor events, free travel lectures, etc. Just because some activities are free doesn't necessarily mean people are cheap, either. Free events can be a lot of fun, and some can be romantic. I wouldn't want to discourage guys from that type of date.
Timberline, did you even read this??? I do not have a problem paying later on in the relationship. My point is that this man didn't even want to pay in the beginning. Let's move on please.
This is going to be a problem for you in finding decent guys.
This comes up a lot on this forum. Many of the men here seem to equate dating with dining out, and then some of them complain that women only date them for the free meals. I don't think that's the norm. Most dates are about having fun together like you said--museums, parks, concerts or art fairs, hiking or skiing, skating, browsing through bookstores (great way to get to know someone and their interests!), whatever. I don't know where this focus on dining comes from. It's nice as an occasional treat, but is very limiting as a steady thing.
It comes from women like the OP, who found it cheap that he didn't spend money on her on every date.
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
This is going to be a problem for you in finding decent guys.
Naw, plenty of decent guys like treating a few times in the beginning. It's super rare that (with decent women) they don't offer or insist on picking up the tab or at least splitting by date three or four. I personally wouldn't stick around in that circumstance.
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