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Old 10-30-2015, 03:59 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,878,908 times
Reputation: 8594

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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia View Post
Yep, vigilance will not prevent them from cheating. But I'd rather be a snoop and find out within a month or two than be blind and naive and find out 18 months later when they announce they are leaving me.

Trust is earned and lost. Because you trusted them yesterday doesn't mean you will trust them in the future, if they violate that trust. And because you don't trust them today doesn't mean you won't begin trusting them as confidence builds. That is why "trust or leave" is not acceptable.
Truth.
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Old 10-30-2015, 04:55 PM
Mvc
 
175 posts, read 182,854 times
Reputation: 345
Quote:
Originally Posted by maleficent87 View Post
That she's just some friendly girl who lives in a city 6 hours from us and that she gave everyone her phone number.
Also-- she gave everyone her phone number? yeah right. She gave your husband her phone number and she has his.
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Old 10-30-2015, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,088,329 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia View Post
Yep, vigilance will not prevent them from cheating. But I'd rather be a snoop and find out within a month or two than be blind and naive and find out 18 months later when they announce they are leaving me.

Trust is earned and lost. Because you trusted them yesterday doesn't mean you will trust them in the future, if they violate that trust. And because you don't trust them today doesn't mean you won't begin trusting them as confidence builds. That is why "trust or leave" is not acceptable.
Trust or leave is perfectly acceptable.
Trust until they break the trust (whatever your version of that is).
Then leave.

All these other machinations are a bunch of hooky-pooky that will just create tension and bad feelings in the relationship.
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Old 10-30-2015, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,088,329 times
Reputation: 73913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mvc View Post
Also-- she gave everyone her phone number? yeah right. She gave your husband her phone number and she has his.
This literally happened 3 weeks ago. A new woman in our league gave her number out to everyone. She is new in town (moved from Atlanta) and wants to expand her social circle.
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Old 10-30-2015, 06:23 PM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,066,520 times
Reputation: 29347
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Trust or leave is perfectly acceptable.
Trust until they break the trust (whatever your version of that is).
Then leave.

All these other machinations are a bunch of hooky-pooky that will just create tension and bad feelings in the relationship.
If that's your approach to relationships that's fine for you. Others may prefer not to throw out the baby with the bath water and walk away from a relationship the instant there is a problem. Most every long term relationship has endured through stormy seas and rough weather where there was "tension and bad feelings". Some people try to work through these issues - and they may take time - while others "just leave" because it isn't perfect at the moment.
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:03 PM
 
14 posts, read 24,028 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mvc View Post
Also-- she gave everyone her phone number? yeah right. She gave your husband her phone number and she has his.
I'm not sure if she really gave it to everyone but I'm sure she gave it to my husband AND to our mutual friend who also didn't know her prior to that party. So that's at least two.
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,599,006 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by maleficent87 View Post
I'm not sure if she really gave it to everyone but I'm sure she gave it to my husband AND to our mutual friend who also didn't know her prior to that party. So that's at least two.
Was it a bachelor party???
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:35 PM
 
14 posts, read 24,028 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Was it a bachelor party???

No, a birthday party. Why does that matter?
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,599,006 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by maleficent87 View Post
No, a birthday party. Why does that matter?
Because if she was a stripper, that would make this a whole different situation.

You either trust him or you don't. Which is it?
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,241,317 times
Reputation: 30254
What do you want to happen, OP? What would put your mind at ease? How can he regain your trust?
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