Am I dating a man with Aspergers?

[Gabriella Geramia]

Who cares what he has. He does not shower or brush his teeth and he sounds like a pain to speak to. I would immediately run. You don't need to put a label on everything.

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by cheryjohns

As a realtor in an engineer town, I have seen high-functioning autistic engineers married to very extroverted people - and they seem to get along well.

As to the hygiene, perhaps mentioning baths might help. If the water pelting down from a shower head hurts - and it just might hurt to him - bath water would be softer - and get the same thing accomplished. Did he say why he doesn't brush his teeth as he should?

goodmockingbird mentioned loyalty. When he "word vomits" texts to you, I think it is just a way to show he is thinking about you.

Divorce rate for ASD partner with non-ASD partner is said to be ~80%. Notice I wrote "non-ASD" not neurotypical. Non-ASD could also be non-neurotypical. Particularly bad combinations would be things like ASD married to OCD, ASD married to OCPD, etc.

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by goodmockingbird

Aspergers type people aren't for everyone.

Most gals could not be happy with one of them.

But to be loved -- to the extent, and in the way they love -- and most importantly, to be trusted by a high achieving, loyal, and kindhearted "Aspergers type" guy is worth more to some of us than all the hearts and flowers in the world.

That's pretty astute (quoting something now six months old). Nice to hear from ladies who appreciate us fringers, nerds, whatever mild and slightly-endearing pejorative we'd like to use.

A guy outed himself recently, at a firm I know, as diagnosed Aspergers. I thought that was rather brave of him. I like the guy, and do monitor his deliverables pretty closely. If that is done, he delivers great work, so it's just a little extra effort I don't mind doing as a manager. I think like calls to like. Which got me thinking...

Point being, some of use who (are, may be) on the spectrum do tend to "get it" in terms of guys and the very few women I've met like that. I have this nagging feeling I'm at or over the line, myself, but function well indeed as a leader in our firm. Leadership and socialization skills are learned behaviors, not natural to me. Mimicry is a skill I do well, in addition to learning from past mistakes.

Back on point, this being Relationships, yes ladies who like the quiet smart type do pretty well with those of us on the Spectrum (Speccies?). Emotional women figure me out, and take off eventually when it's clear not much of that will ever be reciprocated. What they would, could, or did ever think that way to begin with is totally beyond me. Which is the point of the thread...

"Love" is a weird concept to most of us, but loyalty (above all else), integrity, and smarts are not. Agreed 100%. We sure aren't for everyone.