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I think though, this misses the point. I've never (even in my 20s) gone to a bar to try to meet a woman. I go out because I want to go out and have fun. I almost always end up talking to people though. Often it is to other dudes about sports (shocking, I know), or music, but often enough it is to women. Met the last person I seriously dated that way. I was looking to meet someone, I was actually fairly crappy in appearance (hiked all day) and at a total dive bar when we just struck up a convo. The point isn't to go out and meet chicks, it is to go out to socialize. And socializing isn't ever a failure.
And you're an extrovert, so conversations with strangers (men or women) is easy for you. Not so for me. America values extroverts the most.
I found it got easier in many ways as I hit 40 or so. Are you fun to be with and make them laugh? That's enough. I earn less than almost every woman I've dated, sometimes 50% or so, they just don't care. They have their own money/car/career, they just want to have fun. It is that simple. The only thing that I sometimes run into issues with is that I don't have a significant social group, and most of my good friends are in a different state. It doesn't bug me, but women being more social in general... it can bug them.
This.
Women in their late 30s and early 40s don't care that you have a job. We do too. A lot of us also have decided to be childfree, so we don't have that pressure of "OMG I have to get to the alter and pop out babies NOW NOW NOW" so we CAN be selective. We want someone who is fun and enjoyable, NOT a breadwinner. We don't need that. We have our own interests, goals, and dreams. Men are supplements of all that. It's not that we don't want to meet someone who fits into our life and who we can love, but if we don't, we have enough going on that we can wait until we do. THAT's why we can afford to be picky.
I've learned this lesson "the hard way" over the past couple of months, and it's been a great lesson to learn.
The point isn't to go out and meet chicks, it is to go out to socialize. And socializing isn't ever a failure.
Different people have different priorities. Sometimes, I want to go out, drink a little bit, and converse with whoever I happen to meet. Sometimes, I want to go out and get laid. And sometimes there's some crossover.
And you're an extrovert, so conversations with strangers (men or women) is easy for you. Not so for me. America values extroverts the most.
It's not "america". It's "society", which by definition, is a social construct. It's like complaining that football values athletes the most. Of course they do, because that's the basis of its existence. If non-athletes want to succeed in the realm of sports, they need to either a) become athletic, or b) find a way to utilize their non-athletic strengths to their advantage and to downplay their weaknesses.
So it is with anything else, including socialization.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
This.
Women in their late 30s and early 40s don't care that you have a job. We do too. A lot of us also have decided to be childfree, so we don't have that pressure of "OMG I have to get to the alter and pop out babies NOW NOW NOW" so we CAN be selective. We want someone who is fun and enjoyable, NOT a breadwinner. We don't need that. We have our own interests, goals, and dreams. Men are supplements of all that. It's not that we don't want to meet someone who fits into our life and who we can love, but if we don't, we have enough going on that we can wait until we do. THAT's why we can afford to be picky.
I'm going to call the largest of bull****s on this. I hear what you're saying and understand your point, but the underlined is absolutely, positively, not true. You may not care what KIND of job, or how much money is made, but that's different.
I'm going to call the largest of bull****s on this. I hear what you're saying and understand your point, but the underlined is absolutely, positively, not true. You may not care what KIND of job, or how much money is made, but that's different.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
And you're an extrovert, so conversations with strangers (men or women) is easy for you. Not so for me. America values extroverts the most.
I'm not an extrovert. Quite the opposite. Social situations exhaust me. I don't look forward to them (they often give me anxiety if it is a planned event).
I do it anyway. The only other choice is to stay in my shell at home, which I could do happily (yay netflix)... I just don't see that as a viable option. And the thing with conversations being easy... most are, because most people want you to listen. Listening is really easy and doesn't take too much energy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Different people have different priorities. Sometimes, I want to go out, drink a little bit, and converse with whoever I happen to meet. Sometimes, I want to go out and get laid. And sometimes there's some crossover.
Well if you're someone that could pull that off, then is an option. I've never been able to pick someone up when I wanted to. So, it doesn't even register as a thing to do. If I wanted to get laid I would text a FB or FWB to meet up for drinks, not looking for a random person where I might be successful once every 5 years or so.
I'm not an extrovert. Quite the opposite. Social situations exhaust me. I don't look forward to them (they often give me anxiety if it is a planned event).
I do it anyway. The only other choice is to stay in my shell at home, which I could do happily (yay netflix)... I just don't see that as a viable option.
You're an extroverted introvert. You can muster the strength to go out alone and strike up conversations with people without feeling weird about it. Then you need a lot of down time afterward though.
I used to be like that. I could be the life of the party, but then I'd need two days by myself to recover.
It's not "america". It's "society", which by definition, is a social construct. It's like complaining that football values athletes the most. Of course they do, because that's the basis of its existence. If non-athletes want to succeed in the realm of sports, they need to either a) become athletic, or b) find a way to utilize their non-athletic strengths to their advantage and to downplay their weaknesses.
So it is with anything else, including socialization.
I'm going to call the largest of bull****s on this. I hear what you're saying and understand your point, but the underlined is absolutely, positively, not true. You may not care what KIND of job, or how much money is made, but that's different.
I read her comment to mean that having a job doesn't make you datable, and not having one might be e reason not to date you. And really, assuming a similar age, being employed at 40 isn't a terribly high bar to clear. Job loss happens, but if it makes dating a bit more difficult that may be the fates suggesting that you focus on finding the next job.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
You're an extroverted introvert. You can muster the strength to go out alone and strike up conversations with people without feeling weird about it. Then you need a lot of down time afterward though.
I used to be like that. I could be the life of the party, but then I'd need two days by myself to recover.
Thats kind of me. I have always dated extroverts and when we come home they were always super pumped up, I just wanted to crawl under a blanket.
It would be great if life worked in a way where I didn't have to force myself to be outgoing, but relationships, community, jobs all suffer if you don't get out there. Again, I don't see it as a choice. I only have one life.
Thats kind of me. I have always dated extroverts and when we come home they were always super pumped up, I just wanted to crawl under a blanket.
It would be great if life worked in a way where I didn't have to force myself to be outgoing, but relationships, community, jobs all suffer if you don't get out there. Again, I don't see it as a choice. I only have one life.
This is true. I've been in a bubble the past three months or so, and I'm getting way too comfortable.
I met a new friend this weekend and we are hanging out tomorrow, and part of me just wants to hide under the bed and ignore his calls and texts until next year so I don't have to go. It's sort of sad.
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