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When I got divorced I hit the dating scene head first. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and would be upfront. I would openly talk about the different women I would see during the week. Amazingly these women didn't really mind, they were glad I was comfortable being completely honest with them.
Where did I find women? Pretty much everywhere, you know where I couldn't find them? Never once found a woman at my house....never. Sure I farmed some contacts through OLD, but what I did was just put myself out there. I would look through craigslist and go to the Activities section and find something that was coed, and something I knew I would be decent at. Softball, soccer, flag football teams...hiking clubs etc..for awhile I would get up early and check out the few old sites I was on at the time...send and reply emails and at we work Id go do some activity. Pretty soon I was quite the busy guy and was having more fun then when I was 20, and I really enjoyed those years....get out there, it's the only way...never find anything sitting at home
Well... ATlguy... I just pulled up your pics... you're a good looking guy... in shape, got your hair, snappy dresser....no kids, that is a plus with some women, you seem like a pretty bright guy..... I don't know why you're having such a rough time with it...
Heck.. you make me nervous, if you're having such a rough time out there, If Mrs. Chow decides to dump me......LOL, gives me pause to think about buying those flowers and doing the niceties more often...
Cause if you're having those problems, I'd be right with ya in the lamenting department...
To answer your query, I don't have a lot of hobbies either and I don't have a lot of guy friends either, but I entertainment myself somehow.... music and the Internet is a biggie for me... and even though I'm with Mrs. Chow, we're not attached at the hip and I do some stuff without her..... I guess music is my thing... I've taken to watching and listening to podcasts of my fav musicians being interviewed...
Now I'm jobless that has sort of been my hobby as of late.
I've taken to writing poetry... and as unmanly as that sounds, it's actually pretty cathartic to be able to express yourself that way... I know as a guy you hear that word "poetry" and it sounds "gay" I get it... and no offense to our gay folks...it's just meant as way to say wimpy... LOL....
Thanks Chow. I knew there was a reason I liked you, lol. I appreciate the compliments, but here's the thing...I'm a shy introvert who lives in a city that isn't friendly to transients. Talk about a deadly combo! I feel like I'm living on a deserted island. Yeah, I'm an introvert, so I do enjoy some alone time, but not every waking moment. In fact, I'm happiest when I'm in a relationship or around small groups of friends. I probably have gotten a little closer to changing into somewhat of an extrovert, but still can't talk to strangers, afraid of rejection, confidence issues, etc.
Back to hobbies. I was about to start salsa dance lessons for something to do and to make myself get out there and maybe be more attractive to the opposite sex. I thought it would get me out of my comfort zone for sure. Well, that's been put on hold because I have a bad back and may need surgery. Its been killing me for the last 2 weeks. This isn't anything new, I've just lived with it for 15 years. Anyway, its keeping me out of the gym now, as well as trying something new like salsa. But assuming my back improves, I do need to get out of my house and do something I will enjoy, as well as open up more possibilities to make friends and meet women. I'm stuck as to what that might be. I hate online dating and have stopped it. So I need a new way to meet women, but also new hobbies besides the gym, reading, and watching football. I really am a fish out of water here in Oklahoma because while I do like the outdoors (hiking), I don't like fishing or hunting. My life is so boring.
When I got divorced I hit the dating scene head first. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and would be upfront. I would openly talk about the different women I would see during the week. Amazingly these women didn't really mind, they were glad I was comfortable being completely honest with them.
Where did I find women? Pretty much everywhere, you know where I couldn't find them? Never once found a woman at my house....never. Sure I farmed some contacts through OLD, but what I did was just put myself out there. I would look through craigslist and go to the Activities section and find something that was coed, and something I knew I would be decent at. Softball, soccer, flag football teams...hiking clubs etc..for awhile I would get up early and check out the few old sites I was on at the time...send and reply emails and at we work Id go do some activity. Pretty soon I was quite the busy guy and was having more fun then when I was 20, and I really enjoyed those years....get out there, it's the only way...never find anything sitting at home
Let me guess, you're not shy and are very outgoing, right? I don't meet women at the gym, grocery store, yoga class, bars, coffee shops, etc. Doesn't happen. Never has.
Generally speaking, people in relationships want nothing to do with single people who are not dating anyone exclusively. Like seeks like. Your observation is astute and accurate.
Married people might associate with longer term unmarried couples, but they won't associate with singles not in a relationship.
You don't know what you're talking about. Both my husband and I have single friends, as do other couples we know- it's no big deal. Now, I don't think it's as common but it's certainly not a rule that couples don't have single friends.
To the OP, not a guy, but I'd say if you're shy try to expand your hobbies and force yourself to attend Meetups or groups that get together around those things. Like cooking? Join a supper club. Enjoy wine, there are tons of wine Meetups.
Why don't you get a boysterious loud mouth to set you up?
This is actually a good idea. I know a couple women like this and they have a tendency to know a lot of people. It's no guarantee that they'll be able to find someone romantically for you, but they can find someone who would be willing to be friends with you and get you how out of the house. I think that would be a great idea.
I don't think you have to be in your 40s to be able to relate to this.
Or a man.
It's too bad you live in a city you hate, OP. I'm in a city I love and when I'm stuck for something to do, I just tap into Meetup. There are a few groups where I am that have super fun outings, things I wouldn't otherwise know about. The people are gregarious and interesting to talk to, and there is none of the awkwardness that sometimes afflicts groups dedicated solely to people in their 20s. I belong to enough groups that between that site and my friends, the only reason I'd ever have a completely empty weekend is if I wanted or needed one.
I'm not sure why you would think this. My closest friend has been single the entire 6 years that I've known her. And I have other single friends as well. Why would married people not associate with singles not in a relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eazine
You don't know what you're talking about. Both my husband and I have single
friends, as do other couples we know- it's no big deal. Now, I don't think it's as common but it's certainly not a rule that couples don't have single friends.
I think this because it is true. Both of you have single friends is anomalous. Even Eazine said it isn't as common.
Why? It is a factor of lifestyle. Two very different styles. Hard for either side to relate to each other's life experiences. Single people hate to feel like a 3rd wheel around couples and couples don't necessarily know what to make of singles.
How's a couple going to relate to a single in a vicious cycle of one & done dates? How's a single person living in an apartment going to relate to a married person living a house with a long list of honey dos taking up weekends? It just doesn't happen.
Altguy, I am the female version of you but with a kid. I am an introvert that does not date. My friends are almost 100% married. I do single person hobbies - mountain bike, horse back ride, kayak, etc. The mountain bikers have a very active association that has various activities like trail clean up, group rides, etc. I live in a much smaller metro area than you, so we don't have a full calendar of events around town every week. Seems the only single men I have encountered are not a dateable type (single for a reason).
Someone I used to know spent his free time doing amateur photography. He was single for years, and the women he hooked up with tended to be unavailable for relationships.
I know a late 30s man now that has his kids 50%. The other 50% he is renovating a former foreclosure house. I know of another mid 30s guy that has the ability to do a lot of recreational travel and is seeing the world.
There's also cooking classes or other skills if you can find classes for them.
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