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You know what? Get mad at me all you want. But its selfishness. People just decide..I want a kid, so im gonna have one! It's all about them. They think NOTHING of the situation they are bringing the child into.
Funny, if I were in her situation, I'd be thinking how I DIDN'T really want a kid (especially with this jackass); how it would not make my life any easier; but that I would do the best job possible -- which is is NOT selfishness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtkinsonDan
You are more forgiving than I am. With the availability of multiple forms of birth control, especially for women, there are only three types of pregnancies and none qualify as real accidents.
Intentional
From Carelessness
From Laziness
Hormonal birth control if administered correctly has a miniscule failure rate and it can be administered multiple ways now: shot, patch, pill.
This is very aggravating and inflammatory. Hormonal birth control is not for everyone. Condoms are obligatory to prevent STDs, but they do fail. So yes, accidents can happen.
See, all this back slapping, mumbo jumbo is part of the reason this problem is running rampant. This 'just go ahead and do what YOU want' attitude. This whole 'don't worry there are tons of single parents doing just fine' attitude. It's one thing to have had a great situation and that went bad down the road after kids were already here. It's another to already have that bad situation and then bring a child into it. It is hard enough to care for, raise, and support a kid when you have everything in order, such as a husband who cares, good jobs, stable home environment, financially set, etc. Lets look at the first bolded comment up above. The whole 'focusing on a plan' thing. Yes, you should 'focus on a plan'.
HOWEVER...isn't that something you should do BEFORE you get pregnant. Asking yourself if you are prepared to raise a child when you are already knocked up is like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. Some of you back slappers may think im being mean. But this isn't just about the OP. That child, who didn't ask to be born, will now have to deal with the fact that he is going to be born to a mother who did not plan for him, who is not married (and may be not even prepared other ways..mentally..living situation..financially..etc)and whose sperm donor was a cheating loser who probably never cared too much about the mother, and now is not even in her life. This child was an 'oops'. Or WAS he?? Hmm... Let's see. So, OP is dating man who comes from a bit of money, is handsome, and seems to be drifting away from her, and cheating on her left and right. Hmm....a baby might make him shape up. I wonder if that was the OP goal.
Then that would make this child a pawn in her plan to keep this guy around. Gee..how many women have done that? So, that would make it even worse. Anyway, I will just go with the theory that this pregnancy was an 'oops' for now. Some of you may get mad at the comments I make. But im sorry, I feel people should have to hear the cold hard truth. People are having kids like it's nothing. It's one thing to have been married to a person that wanted kids as much as you did, then divorce happened and now you are single. Things happen that you cant control. But you CAN control WHEN you bring a child into this world. But, nowadays people don't even care about that. Why get pregnant when your situation is not great when you know it can be hard even WHEN your situation is good?? Its like people don't care.
You know what? Get mad at me all you want. But its selfishness. People just decide..I want a kid, so im gonna have one! It's all about them. They think NOTHING of the situation they are bringing the child into. Speaking of that, lets look above at the other bolded comment of this other poster above: 'How will it impact your child'. Yea, well see, forgive me, but I think stuff like this should already have been thought about by the adults involved so they don't bring a child into something less than ideal. Why didn't the OP and her sperm donor use protection??? WHY? There is no excuse for this nowadays. NONE. Raising a kid is not as simple as going to the pound and adopting a puppy. A kid is not meant to make you feel good about yourself..or save a relationship..or because you were too d-amn careless to use birth control. A child should come into this world into a situation where he is wanted by BOTH parents, in a loving, stable home. But this is becoming less and less of a priority. Everything from 14 year olds to 40 year olds are just popping out kids or fathering them left and right like its nothing. I'm done with this topic here. I cant read anymore of this junk.
I'm not sure how to respond to your post other than saying that most of what you said sounds like you are doing a lot of projecting--you are essentially projecting your own beliefs about parenting and pregnancy and sex and relationships onto the op. Clearly she does not have the same beliefs as you because she is in this situation. There are many different types of parenting and families in this country. And some people have the same beliefs as you do and do things exactly the way you said and others do not--some of which include women like the op.
Yes she could have done a lot of things differently and did things according to what you believe and what this society says is necessary to rear a child the right way but she did not.
At this point the amount of crying that you are doing about what could have been done differently to prevent what has already happened seems like a waste of energy. Based on the title of the op and the situation she's in, she's about to learn a lot of hard lessons and hopefully when it's said and done she'll accept personal responsibility for poor decision making and make better decisions in the future and be the best parent she can be moving forward if she does keep the child.
As for the rest of your post I understand where your coming from but really to respect the ops original post and not to turn this into a completely different discussion I will simply just say I disagree with you on some points but overall I do agree that having a child is a big thing and there are many people that underestimate how big it is. My friends and I often joke about it.
You don't know every single parent's situation and you can't dictate what others do. You can feel angry and frustrated and shame and project the way you've done here but I'm sure you know that its expending a lot of your energy and it isn't doing s***. I mean you can stay on your soapbox the way you are if you need to.
The do you attitude may be or may not be why "this" is rampant. I don't even fixate on why others do what they do to that extent when it comes to these situations because I'm too busy doing exactly what I advised the op to do: giving no f*** and focusing on my situation and the people that matter to me.
As negative as you feel about it, it's already been done, and it isn't the end of the world. Not by a long shot. Her child doesn't have to be f**** if the op gets herself together moving forward and makes some tough decisions and smarter decisions as the baby grows up.
The op is about to learn a lot of hard stuff soon though, no point trying to sugarcoat s*** and that's why I stand by what I said, the best thing she can do now to minimize the difficulties she's about to face is to start doing a lot of thinking and planning and only surrounding herself with supportive people that will be in her child's life.
Last edited by Faith2187; 11-01-2015 at 07:41 PM..
She just needs to rake the guy for child support and not be in a relationship with him, and definitely never marry him. The guy is a classic scumbag that for some reason women always go out with. I'm sure the op had tons of guys interested in her, yet she chose him. If they get married it's guaranteed he will cheat.
Some of the tough comments are warranted because women need to learn learn learn and boy do they ever, the hard way.
That is the truth!
Women always talk about how much more vigilant they have to be than men when it comes to situational awareness and their physical security. They instinctively know a woman is more likely to be raped than a man. Thus, they take steps to avoid dangerous situations. It is a smart strategy.
Thus, women ALWAYS remind us that when a pregnancy occurs and a relationship goes south, the man can just *walk away* and that's horrible. I agree wholeheartedly. So, KNOWING that is a huge possibility, why don't women realize that smooth, charming guy, so exciting, who is able to say everything she wants to hear, is NOT the guy who's going to stick with her through adversity. He's got a gift he needs to share with many other women.
You can teach him how to treat women well, because he will see what a strong, loving mother you are despite the way his father treated you.
Yes, she can teach him how to treat women well, and he will be the friend whose shoulder they cry on. He will lose out to men who act like his biological father; who are biologically rewarded for "hitting it and quitting it." The mother, who believe it or not, I sympathize with, will be doing all the work, she will be sacrificing her youth, time and energy to raise this child. Meanwhile, the man she unfortunately chose will be enjoying other women, because looks, height and money trumps anything remotely approaching the hallmarks of being a good husband and father. The biological father may or may not re-enter the child's life years or decades down the road, once much of the hard work is past, and try and cultivate a relationship. If he succeeds, he has just proven his way of minimal input, same outcome works.
we must let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
i promise you your love for your son will be fifty million times stronger than the love you had for him,and will surpass the losses you feel now,good on you for not killing your baby!
My girlfriend and I were just talking about this at dinner and we are also mid-20's but we both said how we did not regret being brought up my single moms. Obviously we don't wish that upon anyone and do not want our kids to not have a father in the picture but ultimately we learned to do things for ourselves and it made us the women we are today. We both agreed we hated when people would say "oh I'm so sorry" or something of the sort when they found out we were in a single parent family.
I saw my mom work full time, go to school at one point and make sacrifices for our family. She would have to tell us no occasionally and if we wanted to something we might have to do a chore or when we got older, work outside the home during the summer. To be honest I don't think my childhood could of been any better. I was a "daycare kid" and guess what daycare is where I met some lifelong friends and had all kids of fun. I'm a social butterfly and always have been and I think it's because of that. But when my mom picked us up from daycare it was quality time, she really genuinely was happy to see us and we made the most of our time.
Hang in there Mama and don't beat yourself up.
This post is highly suspicious, considering that you posted a few weeks ago that you have been married for 4 years and that you were a woman.
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Originally Posted by Minntoaz
I do not think I've ever said no to my husband or turned away from him for sex in all four years of marriage.
Wow. People have such insanely bad reading comprehension skills and are ridiculously negative about this!
Nowhere did the OP say she hoped he would change and come back to her. She broke up with him when she found about him cheating -- like all sensible women would do. Suggesting putting up a baby for adoption JUST because she will be a single mom is ludicrous. Especially with what appears to be extended family support.
Millions of single women raise perfectly fine children. It's normal to grieve for the fairy tale life you wanted but didn't plan for as stringently as you should have. Don't waste energy or emotion on "If only..." Just work hard and raise your kid right.
It's not because she is going to be a single mom. It's because the dad is a jerk. It's because the kid's choices in life will be modeled on the dad.
What on earth is wrong with you? That's ridiculous.
Both of my parents have strong narcissistic tendencies (well, dad actually IS a narcissist) and are diehard conservatives. I'm not a lot like either of them. The OP is intelligent and employed, with a strong support system.
Your premise is ridiculous.
I would disagree. You may be nothing like them. However, their dysfunction almost caused you to consider killing yourself. I'd say this makes your point pretty ridiculous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Both of my parents contributed to my depression issues and sometimes worsened them. I never actually became suicidal, but I came very close.
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