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The OP won't like that I'm saying this, but if he's smart, he won't. Both of you have already been divorced once. The chances are high that if you got married it will likely happen again.
Unless he's actively looking for kids, he's better off not getting married. There's really no advantage left for men in marriage.
Aside from him still being married, which is reason enough...
You've both been married before - don't expect that there will be the same degree of "hoopla" the second time around...because yeah, you've already both "been around".
And, if you were talking marriage after only three months, this was an engagement-like period you slid into very quickly and already a long time ago! NOW he's supposed to suddenly do it all official-like and make you feel like a virgin princess or something?
Sorry if I'm going overboard but this sounds too much like a fairy-tale fantasy you want - you're both in your thirties and been married. You can want what you want but that may not happen. In fact, maybe you should get the stars out of your eyes and slow down a bit.
The OP won't like that I'm saying this, but if he's smart, he won't. Both of you have already been divorced once. The chances are high that if you got married it will likely happen again.
Unless he's actively looking for kids, he's better off not getting married. There's really no advantage left for men in marriage.
That's no true at all. STOP being a Debbie Downer.
There's no reason to be negative about a second marriage. If half all marriages end in divorce there is segment of the population who remain single and never marry again. I think it's great people find love again and try to make it work. If it doesn't at least they gave it a shot instead of being afraid to take a chance.
The OP won't like that I'm saying this, but if he's smart, he won't. Both of you have already been divorced once. The chances are high that if you got married it will likely happen again.
Unless he's actively looking for kids, he's better off not getting married. There's really no advantage left for men in marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
That's no true at all. STOP being a Debbie Downer.
It's 100% true and until men start OPTING out of this scam in MASS, then nothing will be changed with the laws that do nothing but pay off Divorce Attorneys and Divorce Judges.
I'm not in a hurry to get married, but for a reason that I can't identify, I really want to be engaged. We just came back from a weekend away...no ring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTBT2014
he has the money for a ring and is settled in his career.
The OP isn't looking for marriage (which is good as he is married to someone else right now)... she just wants that ring!
It's 100% true and until men start OPTING out of this scam in MASS, then nothing will be changed with the laws that do nothing but pay off Divorce Attorneys and Divorce Judges.
First I'm sorry if this is a repeat, but I didn't find a post like this. I'm here for some male perspective but all opinions welcome!
I am in love with the most wonderful man and he is just as in love with me. Friends for 2 years, both coming out of bad marriages. I'm divorced, he's in the middle of the process. We have lived together for about 4 months and been dating for 13. It went very fast and we were talking marriage at maybe 3 months in. We are both in our 30s, educated, and rational people...lest you think we are love struck teenagers. He has told me, unprovoked, that he wants to marry me. We have even gone so far as to discuss venue, theme, guests etc. But not plan it per se. He is leaving for a 9 month deployment very soon. I find myself getting more and more antsy for a proposal. I'm not in a hurry to get married, but for a reason that I can't identify, I really want to be engaged. We just came back from a weekend away...no ring.
So I'm very confused. Not that any one will know for sure, but what is the hold up? He's comfortable with the idea, loves me, has made all kinds of future plans with me including me, it's "we" not "I", he has the money for a ring and is settled in his career.
I won't be mad if he doesn't before he goes, just disappointed. Mostly confused because all signs point to let's get engaged, so what's the hold up?
1. let the man finish Chapter 1 before he moves on to Chapter 2.
2. even if he wasn't still legally married, maybe he doesn't want to spend the first 9 months of your [potential] engagement apart from each other.
The OP won't like what I have to say either. And that is, "Don't hold your breath."
I was in a relationship for a few years. He loved me, talked about marriage, blah, blah, blah. It was all talk to keep me stringing along, I guess.
The ring didn't happen, but the affair did. I'm not saying that they are going to think and behave alike. I'm just saying, don't be surprised if it doesn't happen.
He isn't even divorced yet. Just because he SAYS he will divorce her doesn't make it so. There are too many stories of one person waiting for the other to divorce, but it never happened. Just cover your bases, that's all.
He's being deployed for 9 months. A lot can happen in that amount of time. Too many young people rush into marriage when their boyfriend (it's usually the boyfriend) is being deployed because they want to nail down the relationship before he ships off. You are old enough to know better.
There is no reason to rush. Slow the hell down and let the relationship happen. Jeez, at least let him finalize his divorce.
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