Should I see her or let it go? (dating, wife, married)
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There was a girl at school that I really liked for about 2 years. We got on very well and she liked my company and I liked being around her. She was pretty smart but she kept going out with what I can only describe as the idiots of our year, by that I mean the ones that got into trouble a lot. I told her many times that she'd be better off with me but she said that she didn't want to ruin our friendship.
So I said to her one day that if she values our friendship so much, what is her dating the delinquents based on? If there's not much friendship to value with them, then what's the point? I also said that us going out would make our friendship better, and that if she really thinks it's going to be ruined then there can't be much of a friendship in the first place. I said none of it makes sense. It's not that she wasn't attracted to me (she said she was), but that she just couldn't see me in the same way. She couldn't explain it even though I tried and tried to get her to.
At that point I decided to stop pursuing her and I moved on. I continued hanging out with her but I completely switched off any hope of anything else happening. It was hard at first but I managed it. I went to college and moved out, and 10 years have passed. I've seen her around a few times but other than that I've had no contact with her.
The other day I was out with a couple of guys from school that I still occasionally see, and she happened to be there. I was pleasantly surprised. We chatted, talked about this and that, and I noticed that she was flirting with me. It was both familiar and strange. Familiar because I'd seen her do it so many times with the types of guys that she hung out with back in the day, but strange that she was doing it with me.
Before I left she asked me if I would come over to her place the next evening, and in the moment I said yes, but afterwards I wondered why she would ask me. Maybe she was interested in me or maybe she just wanted to catch up not knowing when we'd meet again. To be honest a lot of time has passed and the idea of going out with her isn't as exciting to me in the same way as it once may have been. It was nice to think that she might be interested, kind of like a sense of "finally!" but really I don't know. It's been a very long time. I thought maybe I could do some catching up and get reacquainted and maybe have some sort of friendship again but I don't know about anything else. I didn't rule out the possibility of dating but it was quite a surprise that she wanted to see me.
So the next day I went over to her place. It was pleasant. She's got a couple of kids, but I only saw one of them as the other was asleep. I was there for about 3 hours and we had quite a nice time. Again, she flirted quite a bit. Then I went home and half an hour later (while I was still on my way home) she sent me a message saying that she regrets not having given me a chance. I haven't replied. I really don't know what to say. This was 3 days ago.
What I don't want is to go out with her just for the sense of achievement. As much as it would feed my ego to be able to say yeah, I finally did it, that would be wrong. And besides, I don't even understand why she's suddenly so interested. It's been a long time. I can understand her having feelings of fondness (as do I) but I just found it odd how she was acting. It was nice, but unusual.
So now I'm wondering whether or not to meet her again, or if I should just let it go.
She's looking for a new dad to take care of the idiot's kids. Run fast. Run far.
Hold it, sport. Not so fast!
Back in the days, you liked her, and (she said) she liked you. But she preferred to be with the "bad boys". You went on to college, made something of yourself, that's great. Now she's a mom of 2 - okay. Is she still with the kids' father? Married? Is she working? The flip side of the coin is maybe she remembered your good intentions, and regrets the road she chose. She might not be looking for a "baby daddy"; just friendship. Go for it, and see what comes of it. Just tread lightly!
She wasn't interested all through high school, and you haven't seen her since. You keep using that word "suddenly." I don't think you know what it means.
Also, you are aware that people change over time, right? She's interested because she's interested. The question is, are you interested? Because if you aren't that into her, better say it sooner rather than later.
Not sure what the point of being with her besides curiosity, a sense of accomplishment and feeding your ego. Are you prepared to settle down with her and her 2 kids? If not move on because it would hurt the kids having someone and then not having someone in their lives. My wife had 2 children when we married but they were 21 and 24. Getting involved with someone with small children is a major undertaking and not to be taken lightly. I don't know your situation, are you looking for a wife and built in family and ex's?
Based on what you said about her, she's not the kind of person I'd want to be friends with, due to character issues.
If you're still hot for her, you might consider her as an FWB (better to be honest and upfront about it, of course). But keep Just A Guy's warning in mind (as a possibility).
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24
She might not be looking for a "baby daddy"
Dude, you seem to be unaware of the vernacular. The term "baby daddy" refers to the kids' biological father(s): Urban Dictionary: baby daddy
She has two kids? Simple; she's interested in you now because she needs a good, reliable guy to help her raise the kids. She wasn't into reliable guys until after she got pregnant, and the kids' father/s flaked. So she's into you, now.
Move on. It's not you she's into, it's your steady-guy-ness, and your paycheck.
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