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I got broken up with twice by the same woman last year. Each time it was like something changed overnight and she just ended things. Ultimately it was for the best. She just got married the other month, because she ended up being pregnant by her boyfriend. Mind you, while we were together, she wanted to take sex off the table after we had it a couple of times. At the end of the day, I just wasn't the guy for her, and I can say that sexually, emotionally, or physically. I just wasn't what she wanted.
Sure, I spent plenty of time analyzing why I wasn't the right guy for her, but I ended up just wasting a lot of useful time. Out of the blue break ups are the ones that are best to never analyze. You'll never get your answer and even if you pseudo get an answer, it won't be good enough. It's best to look at the situation as you tried your best to make it work, but at the end of the day, you just weren't the right guy for her. That can't always be explained either. You just don't excite her...
I'm going to try and keep this condensed since I know I can write on forever if I get into it.
Long story short, I had been dating this person for a few months and everything was going pretty great. Last Monday, she had stayed the night over and left to go to work. Later that evening, she sent me a text telling me that the next time we get together, she wants to talk to me about something. Since everything was going well, I didn't think it was a bad thing -- I had no reason to think so. On the night that I was supposed to come over, I had to work later than normal. I then went home and went to bed because I was running a small temperature. I text my gf and asked her if it could wait until another time since I'm not going to be able to make it because I was feeling under the weather. She told me it was okay and we could just do it another day.
Fast forward to Friday when we finally get together and she sits me down and tells me in a straightforward manner that she wants to end it even though I had done nothing wrong and I was a good partner(her words). No explanation as to why. When I asked her why, she told me that she had been thinking about it and thinks were not a perfect match. When I asked her what she meant, she couldn't explain aside from that she just doesn't feel as excited as she was when we first started dating. She wanted that feeling back. Eventually she said that if were a perfect match, we would be able to read each. By that statement, she meant that we should be able to read each others minds. When I stressed the importance of being direct when communicating, she told me that it doesn't matter much when you're with someone you're a really good match with.
I unsuccessfully tried to talk to her about about how couples can get better at understanding each other over time being with each other for a long time, but the important part is still talking. She told me that it's something that is there or isn't there and you know when you're with the right person. She had no interest in trying to work things out by getting specific with what we could both do to make our relationship better since she doesn't believe that it works.
When I asked how her parents felt about the decision(they're a big influence and one of them, who I never met, was apprehensive about me), she told me that the parent who was apprehensive about me felt that way because she wasn't as enthusiastic when talking about me as she should have been according to that parent. Now she felt okay siding with that parent. She had spent the past couple of weeks trying to sway the parents opinion since I wasn't going to be able to meet anytime soon. I was just told that her parent probably had a point listening to her gut.
Next she told me that she hadn't planned on breaking up with me earlier in the week. She just wanted to talk and see how she felt after talking, but she thought I didn't care enough to talk to her and that I was running away by being caught up in my circumstances. I personally do not believe there was any honesty in that and that she was saying it to make me feel terrible(in the moment, I believed it).
The final nails came when she shut me out and told me that we were never going to talk really again and she stated that her ex(who she had disparaged in the past and had done something really cruel to her) was probably her most sustainable partner.
I was very much in shock when this all happened since it took me by surprise. The most shocking and painful thing(after the breakup) was how cold she was with never wanting to see me again even though she had shown nothing but affection for me the last time I saw her and every other time. After the initial shock, I began wondering if she had began dating again and that's why she was so eager to close me out, but after thinking it some more, I do remember her suddenly talking to her ex again even though he lives a couple thousand miles away and regained some feelings. I don't know what to think. I've never had a situation like this occur. At the same time, I also learned a lot about her and how she views relationships.
I feel your pain. My gf went back to her ex and our whole relationship she had nothing good to say to him. She described how horrible he was to the point that I never considered him a threat to get her back. They had kids together so he was always going to be part of her life in some way. I just never ever considered the idea that she would go back to him. For me its a lesson learned and I think one that applies to your situation, too. And that is that when a woman is talking negatively about an ex her feeling for him are likely much different. The fact that she talks about him at all is a problem.
The good news for you is that you were dating for only a few months. You didn't yet get to the stage where you discussed a future together or anything. You're lucky it didn't go that far because she seems like the type that would have had no problems breaking your heart.
This story happens on a regular basis on city data and its not men doing the dumping but the women and their becoming more horribly behaved then the men. I would chalk it up to a bad experience,not take phone calls ,texts,e mails from her and block her period. You dont need this.
I feel your pain. My gf went back to her ex and our whole relationship she had nothing good to say to him. She described how horrible he was to the point that I never considered him a threat to get her back. They had kids together so he was always going to be part of her life in some way. I just never ever considered the idea that she would go back to him. For me its a lesson learned and I think one that applies to your situation, too. And that is that when a woman is talking negatively about an ex her feeling for him are likely much different. The fact that she talks about him at all is a problem.
The good news for you is that you were dating for only a few months. You didn't yet get to the stage where you discussed a future together or anything. You're lucky it didn't go that far because she seems like the type that would have had no problems breaking your heart.
It is a lesson learned, though it's not exclusive to women. If I got into another relationship 6 months down the road and I was still talking about this person, then I totally expect the person I'm dating to be cautious. If I or someone else is always talking about an ex partner, then are still in their dates and have not gotten over it. In my situation, I just never saw it coming since I had never had this type of situation. I've dated people casually who would end things after a few dates when they think things are becoming serious because they still have things for an ex, but that's about it.
Anyways, I think time may be the best thing for me right now. I tried going out and doing things for myself, but it's still a little fresh to not get my mind completely off it.
The final nails came when she shut me out and told me that we were never going to talk really again and she stated that her ex(who she had disparaged in the past and had done something really cruel to her) was probably her most sustainable partner.
Women usually stay in long-term relationships with men who they think can financially support them better.
Women usually stay in long-term relationships with men who they think can financially support them better.
That is the lesson to be learned here.
To avoid turning the topic into gender bashing and stereotyping, I clarified that term earlier and the context it was used in. But to quickly summarize: it has nothing to do with finances.
She is a terrible breaker-upper. She should have spared you all the BS and just said she didn't see a future or the feelings just weren't there. Now she's given you a whole lot of crap to ruminate about.
Trust your instincts, she was grasping at reasons and none of it was your fault.
It looks like she dumped you after you had sex for the first time? She found out you are not good in bed and for most people that's a BIG deal breaker. Speaking of big.... between you and his ex... do you get my drift on that?
Mystery solved.
I feel like she gave a load of BS why she does not want to see you anymore. Whatever it is though, no matter how I feel about someone, once I found out it's not mutual, I move on. In a snap. No use wasting time on something I have no control of.
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Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
OUCH! that's not nice
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Originally Posted by ItsRick24
Apparently she made her decision after that last night you spent together. I don't know how that night went (and I don't want to know), but maybe she just wasn't feeling the vibes.
I'm sorry for your breakup, but it's probably for the better. Move on and forget about her.
I'm thinking there was no connection in the sleep over.
Just for giggles I'm guessing he either didn't make a move or the move wasn't great.
OP just keep your head up and stay strong. Tell her it goes both ways because after today we are through and tell her it's not a revolving door on you part so she better be sure.
It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet here and should consider yourself lucky. If someone told me I should be able to read her mind all the time, I'd laugh in her face then get up and walk away and never look back. What nonsense. Most of what she said is probably a load of BS anyway. Don't waste another second thinking of her.
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