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Look we all have tried to be supportive of you so it wasnt you it was her. Dont call,dont take her calls, no e mails. Dont stay on her friends list. You DODGED A BULLET with her so be glad She probably wanted to tell you this then and she got bent that she had to wait..
Thanks. I'm glad for the support. It was a lot worse when it first happened and I kept questioning everything, but now I'm slightly better, though I'm still not completely over it.
That's what I'm thinking as well. The statement probably came out of a place of anger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Unless you were ignoring her needing to talk on a regular basis during your relationship, you did nothing wrong and she's pretty much a head case.
I wasn't. In fact, thinking about our entire experience seeing each other, it was probably the only mistake I ever made. As I said above, it probably wasn't coming from a good place when she said that to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
In this case, it really might just be her, and have nothing to do with you at all. I have been there as well, thinking everything was going great, and even the person telling me how great things were going and she couldn't be happier, then out of no where, BAM, dumped, no explanation, just over and all contact cut off. She honestly may not even know why she is breaking up with you, she just knows she has to do it. I know easier said than done, but you really have to move on and not even try and answer the question as to why.
Thank you. I'm sorry that you had to experience that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
There are a lot of people who won't proceed in a relationship with someone they don't see as "the one." That's what this sounds like to me. She decided you weren't perfect for her - whatever perfect is in her mind - and that's that. It happens.
I do agree with the person who said you made a mistake putting off the talk she wanted to have. But, it wouldn't have mattered in the end. She wouldn't have fired you if she ultimately wanted to be with you.
When we first started seeing each other, I thought she would be someone who believed that people are destined for each other. Relationships require commitment to sustain themselves once the honeymoon is over. I don't want to chalk it up to her age or inexperience since I've dated someone who was older than me who believed the same thing. Unfortunately a lot of people(young and old) have a romanticized or unrealistic view on relationships and bail to chase another high. You know what I mean? I think my dilemma moving forward, is distinguishing between those who know how to sustain a healthy relationship and those who can't.
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Originally Posted by ChessieMom
That right there.
OP, you really don't know how long she's been pondering this. All you know is what she told you, which is bupkiss. When a person decides they are done, you can't change their mind, and it is really an exercise in futility to try and determine the reason. The reason doesn't matter. At ALL. The only thing that matters here is that you move on.
You are lucky. Imagine if this happened later down the road after she moved In or you both got married. You have to be extremely careful who you give your heart to these days. People are cruel and only care about their own feelings no matter how much they say they care about you. Beware!
You are lucky. Imagine if this happened later down the road after she moved In or you both got married. You have to be extremely careful who you give your heart to these days. People are cruel and only care about their own feelings no matter how much they say they care about you. Beware!
I am lucky and I considered those things shortly after it happened. I'm really past the point in my dating life where I just "move on to the next" if something bothers me. It's very important to me for someone to be able to deal with issues as they arise. Like I said in an earlier post, I really need to get better at asking the type of questions early on that can help me figure out how I a person deals with conflict and low points in a relationship. Age or the number of relationships that a person has been in isn't all that helpful.
It means, "it's you not me". Take the advice of CSD610. Later, much later, you will find out what you contributed to the break-up....when it happens over and over again.
Since you mentioned her going back to her ex who has belittled her, she sounds like the kind of woman who likes drama and get attached to pain. Strangely, there are a lot of people like that and mistake the hurt for love. Maybe you guys didn't fight enough. But it doesn't matter. Find someone more stable.
Like I said in an earlier post, I really need to get better at asking the type of questions early on that can help me figure out how I a person deals with conflict and low points in a relationship. Age or the number of relationships that a person has been in isn't all that helpful.
Best thing to find out is what her past relationships have been like and how they ended. If a woman has a history of drama, being treated poorly, tells you the guy was a jerk, etc (anything less than parting on friendly terms), you can be pretty sure she's not healthy relationship material.
When we first started seeing each other, I thought she would be someone who believed that people are destined for each other. Relationships require commitment to sustain themselves once the honeymoon is over. I don't want to chalk it up to her age or inexperience since I've dated someone who was older than me who believed the same thing. Unfortunately a lot of people(young and old) have a romanticized or unrealistic view on relationships and bail to chase another high. You know what I mean? I think my dilemma moving forward, is distinguishing between those who know how to sustain a healthy relationship and those who can't. u.
Well you now know that someone with a "destiny / love at first sight" view of relationships will find it harder to sustain things over the long run. Next time, get out of there at the first sign of this.
It means, "it's you not me". Take the advice of CSD610. Later, much later, you will find out what you contributed to the break-up....when it happens over and over again.
Maybe, maybe not. This is the first time I've been blindsided like this and this is also the youngest person I've dated. Since there's been some time, I've stopped blaming myself and I've been reflecting on the relationship and I really wasn't doing anything wrong. If there was a problem, then there should have been communication from her end.
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Originally Posted by GKelly
Since you mentioned her going back to her ex who has belittled her, she sounds like the kind of woman who likes drama and get attached to pain. Strangely, there are a lot of people like that and mistake the hurt for love. Maybe you guys didn't fight enough. But it doesn't matter. Find someone more stable.
When we first started dating, she mentioned how she idealized this couple who dated for a short time because they were always arguing like people who had been together for a long time. I didn't think much into it when it came to her, but I did know that I wasn't going to pointlessly argue just to do it. Maybe in her life, she might know a couple who endlessly argue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Best thing to find out is what her past relationships have been like and how they ended. If a woman has a history of drama, being treated poorly, tells you the guy was a jerk, etc (anything less than parting on friendly terms), you can be pretty sure she's not healthy relationship material.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Well you now know that someone with a "destiny / love at first sight" view of relationships will find it harder to sustain things over the long run. Next time, get out of there at the first sign of this.
Thanks for the advice. I'll keep those things in mind.With the past girl, she did describe her ex boyfriends(including the guy she was idealizing) as being bad. He was the first guy from her past that she talked about and she originally didn't have nice things to say about him or in the following conversations we had about him later.
I'm seeing a couple of people right now, but haven't really jumped into any conversations about past relationships or their views on relationships. I've been doing some thinking and I think the term I'm looking for is "contentiousness" when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Keeping that and your advice in mind will help me out in the future.
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