Weddings!...I have to vent somewhere.... (married, love, affair, friend)

[MainStreet]

I'm putting this in the relationship forum because...

It has to do with the relationships between brides and their bridesmaids, etc.

So I agreed to photograph what a fellow photographer calls a "Welfare Wedding." In other words, couples who try to get the most for very little money; primarily because they can't afford it. Which I can relate to that.

I am photographing a wedding at no cost to the couple, because one of their deceased fathers was a very very good friend of mine, like a father to me, loved him to pieces and it is just the right thing to do. Thought I was helping them out.

I've since found out they are getting a wedding planner at no cost and am planning a budget reception; baked beans over a candle sort of affair.

Here is my gripe. They are having 14....bridesmaids and groomsmen! Are you kidding me?!!!! How in the heck, can you expect 14 people to pay for dresses and rent tuxes, when you aren't willing to spend anything on your wedding?!

So, if your witnesses are spending $100 each (an average), that is $1400 and you aren't spending $1400 on your entire wedding....how do you justify that!!!!?

[Driller1]

Originally Posted by MainStreet

I'm putting this in the relationship forum because...

It has to do with the relationships between brides and their bridesmaids, etc.

So I agreed to photograph what a fellow photographer calls a "Welfare Wedding." In other words, couples who try to get the most for very little money; primarily because they can't afford it. Which I can relate to that.

I am photographing a wedding at no cost to the couple, because one of their deceased fathers was a very very good friend of mine, like a father to me, loved him to pieces and it is just the right thing to do. Thought I was helping them out.

I've since found out they are getting a wedding planner at no cost and am planning a budget reception; baked beans over a candle sort of affair.

Here is my gripe. They are having 14....bridesmaids and groomsmen! Are you kidding me?!!!! How in the heck, can you expect 14 people to pay for dresses and rent tuxes, when you aren't willing to spend anything on your wedding?!

So, if your witnesses are spending $100 each (an average), that is $1400 and you aren't spending $1400 on your entire wedding....how do you justify that!!!!?

No good deed goes unpunished. If the bridal party can do it for $100 each it would surprise me.

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by Driller1

No good deed goes unpunished. If the bridal party can do it for $100 each it would surprise me.

Exactly....I was being kind with $100.

I think the rule should be if you aren't having a sit down reception at $100 a plate/person, you have no right asking anyone to spend that much for a 10 minute ceremony. So if you aren't spending money to feed them; one witness each and pay for their attire!

[Dennis58]

Originally Posted by MainStreet

I'm putting this in the relationship forum because...

It has to do with the relationships between brides and their bridesmaids, etc.

So I agreed to photograph what a fellow photographer calls a "Welfare Wedding." In other words, couples who try to get the most for very little money; primarily because they can't afford it. Which I can relate to that.

I am photographing a wedding at no cost to the couple, because one of their deceased fathers was a very very good friend of mine, like a father to me, loved him to pieces and it is just the right thing to do. Thought I was helping them out.

I've since found out they are getting a wedding planner at no cost and am planning a budget reception; baked beans over a candle sort of affair.

Here is my gripe. They are having 14....bridesmaids and groomsmen! Are you kidding me?!!!! How in the heck, can you expect 14 people to pay for dresses and rent tuxes, when you aren't willing to spend anything on your wedding?!

So, if your witnesses are spending $100 each (an average), that is $1400 and you aren't spending $1400 on your entire wedding....how do you justify that!!!!?

Well, you really can't justify it in terms of real dollars. But in terms of doing something nice for someone, you never really do anything for free. Somewhere down the line, good always comes back for good, just as evil always comes back for evil. This holds true whether you believe its Gods doings, or just the natural karma of life in general. It kind of sounds to me like their having all these other people dressed really nice, is about the only thing they will have to make their wedding photos be classy, and memorable. I personally think they should wait to get married until they are in better shape financially. I say you should try to stay positive about this for your own inner serenity. And, I commend you for being willing to help this couple out!

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by Dennis58

Well, you really can't justify it in terms of real dollars. But in terms of doing something nice for someone, you never really do anything for free. Somewhere down the line, good always comes back for good, just as evil always comes back for evil. This holds true whether you believe its Gods doings, or just the natural karma of life in general. It kind of sounds to me like their having all these other people dressed really nice, is about the only thing they will have to make their wedding photos be classy, and memorable. I personally think they should wait to get married until they are in better shape financially. I say you should try to stay positive about this for your own inner serenity. And, I commend you for being willing to help this couple out!

That too. I thought I was helping them out. Their father, he and I still have a spiritual relationship; he's one of my guardian angels, but his future daughter-in-law (who never knew him) actually asked me if my watermark would be on the pictures! (She doesn't want my business name in the corner of her photographs.) So, rather than be gracious that someone is saving her a grand, she's more demanding than some of my more expensive weddings.

I ALWAYS exceed the expections of my clients. Always; but this is about to be a nightmare, to which I'm trying to apply my positive thinking; it's going to be tough. I just keep talking to my friend. Although, knowing him, if he was here, he'd tell me not to do it, lol.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by Dennis58

But in terms of doing something nice for someone, you never really do anything for free. Somewhere down the line, good always comes back for good

This is so true Mainstreet!

I'm wondering how each bridesmaid is going to get away with spending only $100. In my experience standing up in weddings over 10 years ago, it cost me anywhere between $200 - $500 to be in a wedding party.

By the way, if the bride is in need of a dress, my friend has one she can borrow!

[zonababe]

I have to laugh at this thread. Usually people are complaining about wasteful weddings being over top. "The cost of the wedding would have made a great down payment on a house" and the like. Hey it's their day, wish them the best, snap a few photos and be done with it. If they have 14 bridesmaids and groomsmen who are willing to entertain their wishes that's great.

[Tzaphkiel]

In the spirit of keeping costs down, then the 14 attendants can pop into GoodWill and show up wearing whatever they can pick up in their size for about $15! I like it!

[orangie]

I think large wedding parties are strange - these are your 28 best friends??? It seems so unnecessary (at any cost).

[Fat Freddy]

Originally Posted by orangie

I think large wedding parties are strange...

I think the whole concept of "weddings" is strange.

The only person who should be concerned with whom I sleep with or live with, whether it be for one night or the rest of my life, should be the person I am doing it with. Everyone else, including our relatives, the government, or God, can mind their own business.