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I don't want to personally date someone who try's too hard to sound educated. You can be intelligent without trying to sound too smart. I am not dumb, yet I can get intimidated if a women say's too many words which I have no damn clue what they mean. I will feel like they are too damn smart. It's one thing to be intelligent, it's another to flaunt it with how you talk. If the words that you are using, 99% of the population don't use. Then perhaps you are being "too smart."
Last edited by johnnyb1980; 11-19-2015 at 01:08 PM..
Here you go folks, here is the crew. I am sure there are some that have slipped away but we will take care of them one by one.
I will give you an example. If I came to a fork in the road and had to choose left (San Fran - Silicon Valley) vs Right (Bronx - Fordham Road), I would choose the Bronx. Now, I could more than well handle myself in silicon valley but growing up around Haitians, Puerto Ricans, and Jamaicans in NY, I feel more comfortable.
I have a friend of Adolfo Carrión, the former Bronx Borough president and former Regional Administrator for HUD in DC. He left DC because he said he couldn't carry regular conversations even during happy hour in DC. He couldn't even speak about his family during down times. It was a cultural wreck for him.
So that is the part that many of you are missing- you see things only from your inner space but have no clue with regards to social dynamics and how people may adapt but are not fully comfortable in various textures.
Ah, but you're talking out both sides of your mouth, given your posts on the DC forum about dating, in which you have said over and over again that some people simply don't fit in a given city. It's apparent you're having a hard time hearing your own words and applying them to yourself.
So in all the sanctimony of the OP, he didn't even mention her misspelling of "put?" How magnanimous.
Regardless, for every inarticulate or grammatically challenged person who gets on the internet to reveal his or her insecurities by casting aspersions on--excuse me, throwing shade at--those with larger vocabularies and greater skill with language and writing, there is an educated person who will not so much as consider dating an illiterate mope who uses "u" as a word in written communication.
Win-win!
I tend to view such mis-spellings in otherwise grammatical text as an artifact of some sort of "auto-correct" software on someone's smart phone. Perhaps the OP does as well.
To me, the quote from the woman would not be off-putting, I don't want to deal with dummies either, her question if you have dated a black woman before is just matter of fact, I don't see her dumping you if you say no, but I think she's just trying to gauge how serious you are. It would be like an interview question "Do you have experience working in X industry, sales, engineering, manufacturing, whatever?"
I really disagree with your last sentence. Once you enter and establish a long-term relationship, your soul gets tied so much that there is this sense of need for their presence. Not a desperate thirsty need but a tie which will be devastated if broken. Hell just look what look what happened to Doug Flutie's parents on Wednesday.
Don't confuse dependence with getting meaning from something.
First off, there are women, and then there are resentful women who just have a chip on their shoulder because "my penis is bigger than any man's", and then there are women who really have learned the hard way to be a bit defensive.
With regard to that -- hey, people are people so whatcha gonna do? There's NO SUCH THING as good men or good women, there's only good and bad people, period. When you find good ones, stick around. When you find bad ones, don't get bent out of shape, just move on. Not everybody likes everybody else and that's a fact. Life is too short to waste time with them.
As for the "corporate talk" in the DC area...
Some people put on a show.
Some people really just talk that way, it's habitual and it's part of who they really are.
Once more, whatcha gonna do?
As for the woman herself and her questions regarding whether you've ever dated a black woman...
In this case I cannot make any judgment call which is do-all, be-all, end-all; but I will say that black women who are successful in the business or corporate world have a LOT to deal with, and in my experience it quite understandably takes some time for them to lower their guard. Some of them never do, not ever. Others get past it.
One thing you've got to understand with a lot of black women who are educated and who pursue success is that they're actually fighting an uphill battle which consists not only of vying for success (an uphill battle for anyone) but doing so against the grain of general black culture.
I just know someone will leap on that, suggesting I'm saying black culture is generally unsuccessful. I'm not saying that -- BUT...
When a black man pursues success, he is to be admired per the social purview. It is wrong and silly to say he is "rising above his culture", when in fact he's just a good man trying to do a good job, and that should be the end of it. So he's both insulted and admired, all at once, sort of a back-handed compliment.
When a black woman pursues success in most regions -- and believe me, regionality DOES come into play heavily -- she is seen as more "pragmatic to the point of ruthlessness". Black women have been assigned this sort of televised, pre-scripted larger-than-life embodiment. They are supposed to be overtly-voluptuous, filled with head-twirling-on-neck attitude, hyper-sexualized yet bluntly discerning even to the point of a callous meanness -- and that's just ridiculous!
Unfortunately, even many black men have assigned this quality. It's accepted among lower economic classes, put on as a ready display; and the moment a black woman wants to rise above it, she's "CHASING MONEY", not just a good woman trying to do a good job.
When a black man pursues an interracial relationship, he's assigned the ridiculous status of either "achieving status" OR (dear God, shaking my head) "preying on white women". For all that, it's still not only more accepted but gaining ground as a "norm".
When a black woman shows interest in an interracial relationship she's assigned these AND lambasted by other blacks as a "self-hater" and a "race-hater" and "betraying her own". And these never seem to go away for her.
Black women who have experienced this have also generally experienced something which comes to seem to them less men of other races being genuinely interested in them AS A PERSON, AS A COMPANION, but more "ooooo, the darker the berry the sweeter the juice". They find men interested in them sexually, and NO ONE intelligent wants to be "the forbidden fruit" instead of a beloved partner or companion.
So they have a LOT of crap to deal with, and when a man of another race shows interest then while it's presumptive on the part of the black woman to believe that man is showing misguided interest rather than genuine, experience has often taught them to approach with caution.
Why?
Because they may catch disappointment from the man; they likely WILL catch some hell from their friends and family, and they're already coping with an assigned image from society that tries to pigeon-hole who they are as a person in a very graphic way.
I'd be cautious too, and if I'd seen enough of it I'd be pretty tight-lipped and blunt in my wariness.
I hadn't considered the above. Black American women do seem to have it quite tough so I can understand how OP's match might have used her language as a screening tool for certain types of individuals.
And can people please stop using ellipses as periods, or worse, multiple commas? When you write like that, I picture you babbling like a lunatic with spit drooling out of your mouth. If you don't know what an ellipsis is for, don't use it.
She's 75. She's pressed for time. If anyone needs to be 'lite-speeking for the sake of brevity, it's her and her peers. Cut her some slack.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Yeah, and she shouldn't buy ripe bananas either.
You guys are bad!
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