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What should a woman (late 20s) do if she made a big mistake and married a man (early 30s).
-She makes a good income. (Nearing 6 figures). He does not work. He has 2 felonies but uses them as an excuse to not even look for work.
-She was fine with him smoking marijuana, but she found out he's sneaking around and smoking crack. She has been seeing the signs and noticing what he's doing with her money, but when she calls him out, he freaks out and starts being really mentally abusive. She lets it go because it's "only" $20. Yet, it's "only" $20 multiple times a day, all week long.
-He almost killed her (and him) in a car accident...he was coming down from drugs, had a few drinks, went through this insane rage and crashed her one-year-old car on purpose at 100+mph (went across 2 lanes on the interstate, through the median, across 2 more lanes of interstate and was facing the other way on the interstate.
-He asks her for $10 or $20. She gives it but it's never enough. An hour later he wants more. Over and over and over.
She loves him (a lot) and thinks she should leave but is unsure because of a few reasons:
a) Loves him. Sounds stupid, but?
B) Scared of him. If she leaves him, he'll destroy everything that he can. That's how he is. He'll break everything in her house, everything. He might destroy her car or house. He might attack her -- he's only done that mildly a few times (hands on neck, threatening, scaring but not hurting) -- but she's not sure. He WILL more than likely break in and steal or vandalize the place, etc.
C) Scared of paying him. She's scared she'll have to pay him alimony because he hasn't worked since they've been married.
She made a huge mistake.
ETA) She uses no drugs. Has smoked marijuana in the past. Doesn't really like it but doesn't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Drinks regularly throughout the week, 2 or 3/7 days a week.
This is a sick co-dependent relationship...the worst and hardest to overcome.
You should get into therapy or find a life coach to help you through whatever exit strategy you come up with.
I would not hesitate for one second in turning him over to the law if he starts his reign of terror. He has felonies so it would not take much to put him back behind bars. From the sounds of it having him behind bars might be your only chance to escape.
Find the strength inside to stand up for yourself and walk out the door and never look back.
It's a known fact that people who are addicted to crack will do anything to get their crack.
Deal with your losses and move on or you will end up a battered, broken or dead woman.
If he attempts to destroy your home, car, etc., have him thrown in jail.
Is that possible when a couple is married?
For some reason, in this state, the husband is listed first both on the deed for the house AND the title for the car, even when it's the wife who makes the money.
Even his own brother -- who is a practically homeless alcoholic -- told her she deserves better and that he doesn't appreciate what he has.
Who cares what he admits or not!?!?
I have to ask why on earth you would allow yourself to remain in this situation?
Do you believe that you deserve better?
Your self-esteem has to be in the gutter. Girl wake up and buck up. You need to work on your self-esteem but in the meantime fake it till you make it and run for your life.
For some reason, in this state, the husband is listed first both on the deed for the house AND the title for the car, even when it's the wife who makes the money.
Sounds like you need to seek a good divorce attorney and a good therapist ASAP.
I deserve everything this world has to offer. I'm a go-getter who works really hard to be successful.
I screwed up in a big, big way and don't know how to fix it.
I'm terrified.
Seek out a very good divorce attorney who can guide you.
Seek out a very good source to help you when you need someone to lean on. Your family or a good friend.
Seek out a good therapist who can really help you with your fears.
You are certainly in a very dangerous situation and I would proceed with caution but proceed and don't give in or give up.
I wish you the best in this tough journey that you are about to embark upon.
Is he making you scared? If so it's his way to control you. I think the best thing to do is to turn him in on the crack thing. He has felonies...if he is that scary then this might be the only way to escape once he is back behind bars.
For some reason, in this state, the husband is listed first both on the deed for the house AND the title for the car, even when it's the wife who makes the money.
So what? Violence is violence. Taking a tire iron to one's car is still something one would call the police for. Wouldn't you? That's dangerous. Yes, he would be handled by police for this. Or "destroying" a home...if you saw or heard a person knocking the windows out of his or her house or setting fire to it would you not call the police? The person is acting in a violent and dangerous manner.
By the way, even if he is listed first, don't you have partial ownership of these items? But regardless, would you rather have an intact car but be lying in a coffin? Go. Go now. The car, house, etc. aren't going to mean anything if you're dead.
And yes, obviously, retain a good lawyer...and do it now...from a position of physical safety.
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