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These are 2 grown adults, not a couple of 12 year olds playing doctor and trying to get a first feel of boob over the shirt.
I would not have put up with this complete nonsense AT ALL
He's been doing it with shorts on for a while so he can deal with feeling a boob over a nightie for a few weeks. Her need to feel comfortable trumps his need to feel boobies. Besides he can reach under her top, it's not that difficult.
Even grown adults have body hangups. It's not that uncommon especially after having two babies. Telling OP to get over it and get naked is nonsense. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both partners and if she's feeling insecure she's not having a good time.
I stand by what I said, whats the harm in taking things a little slow? I'm not talking years, I'm talking a few weeks, maybe a month. He obviously loves her so I'm sure he would be willing to work with her until she feels comfortable enough to be completely naked. The goal is for both people to be happy and if he can be patient a little longer hopefully she'll get to the point where she wants to be naked.
Something I've learned from dating, from the scene I'm in (just saying lots of people speaking very frankly about their sexuality)... A LOT of the time, what the media tells women is the definition of sexy, is NOT what men think is the definition of sexy. It's geared to make you feel imperfect and inadequate so that you will BUY PRODUCTS to try and make yourself into this nonsense ideal that they're pushing.
I get that you've got body issues. I do too, but they are dwindling now. Your husband sincerely sees you as beautiful. Your "flaws" aren't flaws. They are part of you, and part of the history of your love and family and marriage. I bet he sincerely is attracted to the whole you, "flaws" and all. I think that what is needed here isn't for you to get over your hangup, or to learn to cope with nudity for his sake...you have to reclaim your sex appeal. That's gonna be a bit of a process. I might encourage you and him to get some sexy clothing and lingerie for you. As part of the stages of getting comfortable with baring your body, instead of some t-shirt and shorts, check out lacey nighties, stockings, teddies, even corsets and cinchers. They have underbust corsets that would only cover your belly and nothing else.
But as others have said, yes, wearing "clothes" in bed, by and large, IS unreasonable. And skin on skin contact is very important to bonding, seriously, there are hormones that have to do with feeling close and connected that are released with skin on skin contact, you and he need that.
I don't usually say this, or, I NEVER say this, but OP:
Submit to your husband. This is YOUR problem, not his. Do not punish him for your issues, especially because he sounds like such a swell dude who wants to have sex with his wife! Jeebus! And I truly mean it - do it even if you prefer not to, choose to please him, not yourself in this regard.
I hope you get over it eventually for your sake. I had a touch of that for awhile, I would only have sex with my bra on because I have enormous heavy breasts I found hideous but eventually got over it and let them flop all over the place as needed and I don't care. It is my sexuality too, we don't exist solely to please another. You are denying yourself pleasure OP, that isn't right.
I agree that you can work through this together. Sleep naked, lots of skin touching and not only sexual. Skin on skin IS good for you both. Wear a soft little nightie with nothing underneath for a bit when you are intimate, unless it's during bedtime when you are already naked. Your husband loves you, and I promise you are being far more critical than he is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere
I don't usually say this, or, I NEVER say this, but OP:
Submit to your husband. This is YOUR problem, not his. Do not punish him for your issues, especially because he sounds like such a swell dude who wants to have sex with his wife! Jeebus! And I truly mean it - do it even if you prefer not to, choose to please him, not yourself in this regard.
I hope you get over it eventually for your sake. I had a touch of that for awhile, I would only have sex with my bra on because I have enormous heavy breasts I found hideous but eventually got over it and let them flop all over the place as needed and I don't care. It is my sexuality too, we don't exist solely to please another. You are denying yourself pleasure OP, that isn't right.
Yes, Jesus wants you to have sex you don't enjoy. Thanks for usually not saying it.
I don't usually say this, or, I NEVER say this, but OP:
Submit to your husband. This is YOUR problem, not his. Do not punish him for your issues, especially because he sounds like such a swell dude who wants to have sex with his wife! Jeebus! And I truly mean it - do it even if you prefer not to, choose to please him, not yourself in this regard.
I hope you get over it eventually for your sake. I had a touch of that for awhile, I would only have sex with my bra on because I have enormous heavy breasts I found hideous but eventually got over it and let them flop all over the place as needed and I don't care. It is my sexuality too, we don't exist solely to please another. You are denying yourself pleasure OP, that isn't right.
You just completely contradicted yourself. On one hand you say submit but on the other hand you say we don't solely exist to please one another. Isn't doing something you're not comfortable doing the exact opposite of doing something for yourself?
Something has got to change that's obvious but OP needs to get naked because she wants to not just to make her husband happy. I wouldn't want my husband to do anything he's not comfortable doing and he feels the same. How enjoyable is sex going to be for either one if she's feeling embarrassed? She needs to work on feeling better about her body but not just for him but for herself.
Of course his needs matter but so does hers. Personally, I don't submit to anyone. I want to make my husband happy but not at the cost of my dignity. If we have a problem we work on it together.
Many men are wrinkle, stretchmark, etc. blind when it comes to a person he loves. You could ask him, but I will wager that seeing you naked creates more emotional and psychical intimacy for him. He does know how you look.
Perhaps you could try to become as comfortable with your body as he is with yours.
@clubsfan20 no reason to be rude, just came on here to ask for advice. I know many women have body image issues, it's not 'complete nonsense' it's a real issue that has been hard for me to deal with for some time now.
OP: if it helps, even women with the best bodies have insecurities and be very critical of their own self; far from being nonsense, it's just what we as women do. Especially after having babies. It takes time to get that confidence back, but you have to work at it. You can find lingerie that's is a bit more forgiving, and seeing his eyes bug out will help boost your confidence and want to show more skin.
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Thanks for usually not saying it.
