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I honestly do not understand this idiotic discussion.
1) you are not dating a girl in such a way its becoming serious enough to do it without a condom (like one night stands) so there is no discussion needed here.
All the ones here that do this without a condom are just retarded.
2) at some point you are dating someone and it becomes serious enough to consider having sex without a condom. If you reach this point in your relationship you should also be able to discuss something like a test for STDs!
It seems many people do not understand the differences between those 2!
So either you are an idiot (first case scenario, who the hell has sex with someone you hardly know? indeed: idiots)
Or you are in situation 2, but not yet ready to have a discussion about STDs , which in turn means you are also not yet ready to have sex without a condom.
HOW do you know if you are clean...if they are clean.....if neither one has been tested(?)
Just taking someones word for it is burying your head in the sand.
Or, if testing has been done, wouldn't be only smart to have the results available? Is there something to hide?
I test. I ask any potential partners if they have tested. My health is important to me. If I am negligent, and expose myself to STD's, then I only have myself to blame. And seek treatment and be responsible by not exposing others.
I've never done this, nor asked anyone to do this. Sounds like I am in the minority.
So I have to ask you, how exactly does this go down? Do you ask to actually SEE the test? If you wanted to go get this "test", what do you ask for?
This sounds so silly, I think I would be insulted actually if some chick asked me this. I hate condoms and in all my relationships hardly ever use them and finish inside. I'm also not diseased
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20
I've never done this, nor asked anyone to do this. Sounds like I am in the minority.
So I have to ask you, how exactly does this go down? Do you ask to actually SEE the test? If you wanted to go get this "test", what do you ask for?
It's easy. Before you get it on you just talk about it. I get tested roughly every 6 mos just for peace of mine. I usually, if I'm out dating around/meeting people, take a photo of the results (its all nice and official on letterhead) with the date and keep it in my phone so I can show someone when they ask.
If its a more serious thing (agreeing to monogamy) and we want to go no condom, and we haven't been both tested very recently and have been dating around, we'll sometimes go get tested together.
I suppose these types of convos were super awkward in my 20s. But hey, lots of things are, 20 somethings are still children. They're and easy and expected convo to have now.
And generally, most people get the standard STD panel. With some places you can add HSV2, but that isn't common.
I've never done this, nor asked anyone to do this. Sounds like I am in the minority.
So I have to ask you, how exactly does this go down? Do you ask to actually SEE the test? If you wanted to go get this "test", what do you ask for?
This sounds so silly, I think I would be insulted actually if some chick asked me this. I hate condoms and in all my relationships hardly ever use them and finish inside. I'm also not diseased
I am with you in the minority. I can honestly say I never had that kind of conversation and asked for "tests" either. It sounds like a good idea, but I find it hard to believe most people outside of certain circles do this.
I don't sleep around with random people (so that's important thing #1).
The person I am with now/in a monogamous relationship with now and I talked about our past sex lives (mainly in terms of how neither of us is the type to sleep around). Both of us were in long term relationships before this for several years (they were married for 20 years but had no had sex in past 16 years--their spouse's choice, not theirs) and I had a long term relationship (almost a marriage) for 13. After that, (a few years ago) I dated someone for a about a year. Now, I was tested since both relationships and am clean (STD and HIV testing--my health plan does it as a matter of course), but I didn't specifically ask that they get tested or anything like that. We dated for a while before sex and we developed a deep trust. I took it on their word they were clean.
Maybe that makes me stupid, I don't know... I don't care either. But like you, I would have thought it insulting to them (and maybe insulting to me if the tables were turned) that I trust them enough to have sex with them and be that intimate and close to them, but I don't trust them enough to trust them on this issue.
"especially with ejaculation inside, yes, they need to be tested."
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Do you really think you're THAT much safer just because he pulls out? That's how guys convince you it's okay even if you don't have a condom...and then you have to rely on THEM to have the self-control? No way.
No, I don't think it is safer. I was making a point, and started with 'condom-less'. Geesh.
Sex without a condom, whether or not he ejaculates inside me, is a no-go without status. Better?
People making points they have been with just one or two partners, married 20 years, etc, weren't really being addressed in the OP IMO. That is an exception. I think they mean more those who date around over the years. And asking for health status does not call into question how many bfs you have had, etc.
It always cracks me up how around here so many have to pipe up and call out how it doesn't apply to them for x,y,z, reasons. Great.
Ugh. Of course it is an awkward conversation. But what I found even more awkward, in a supposedly monogamous marriage of 23 years..was when I read in my husbands medical record, of his diagnosis and treatment for gonorrhea.
I know I didn't give it to him, as I was not sleeping around.
After my divorce, I made it a priority to do things differently in my sex life.
Just a side note for many here, because it seems people are really not taking care of they health: you can get an STD by oral sex or even other stuff.
So do test it!
And while you are doing it (getting your blood done) let them in the same time just check for other stuff as well to see you are healthy in general (especially those who never had themselves tested).
I had an instance with a guy I had met online. He wanted to get intimate on the second date, which I declined. Although we had already seen each other three times which all lasted about 8 hours or so, I knew that he was a very active person (sexually speaking) but I knew next to nothing about him. He probably had 15+ partners at the time (which I found out about thanks to his answers on the website). I also found out about a bunch of his casual encounters profiles.
We texted after the second date ... we talked and I requested that he'd get tested before getting intimate or else I wouldn't do anything without those tests. I can't possibly take the risk of sleeping with someone I barely know without checking their results first. He cut the conversation short, told me good night and never answered my question about those tests. He basically dodged it.
Guess what? He never texted/spoke to me ever again. I wished him a happy birthday three 5 days later, he never replied. Never heard from him again.
Don't take risks with your health people. If someone runs away after the "tests" conversation, let them go. They're not trustworthy.
I get tested roughly every 6 mos just for peace of mine.
Not everyone can afford this, the lab here charges $400 for a standard STD panel... that's $800/yr which to some is a lot of money especially in this economy. The other alternatives are the free county clinics but they are so overloaded it's not practical to go and sit there for hours if you have a job.
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