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I have had bad luck with women, I really haven't dated much. Over the last year, I have been trying to find someone worth dating in hopes of having a relationship. I have been rejected four times. Last month, I learned that a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend after they had been dating for a few years. I have been friends with her for about 2 years and honestly, I liked her from the moment we met pretty much. But I found out she had a boyfriend and was content on just being friends. She's very beautiful, smart, happy, and nice. I now feel I have an opportunity to ask her out, but I've been rejected by female friends in the past (she's the one I have liked all along but I tried to move on since she had a boyfriend). I am nervous that 1) She will say no and will say we should just be friends like we have for two years and 2) She broke up last month after being in a relationship for a few years. I don't want to be a jerk and ask her out to soon. Should I ask her out or just go ahead and be friends? I could be okay with being friends, but she will always have a special place in my heart regardless of if we date or not. But I would like to ask her out, I just am conflicted. Does anyone have some advice? Thanks.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Ask her out. I personally think it is idiotic to risk a friendship for this, but if you haven't REALLY been her friend but have just been lying in wait until you had a chance, then go for it.
If you really are her platonic friend and you're good with that, and she's a valued friend, I wouldn't risk it. I've seen very few (honestly I can't think of any) situations where people have been friends and then got romantically involved and had the relationship work (I've seen them where they've done the FWB thing for awhile, but that's different).
Ask her out. I personally think it is idiotic to risk a friendship for this, but if you haven't REALLY been her friend but have just been lying in wait until you had a chance, then go for it.
If you really are her platonic friend and you're good with that, and she's a valued friend, I wouldn't risk it. I've seen very few (honestly I can't think of any) situations where people have been friends and then got romantically involved and had the relationship work (I've seen them where they've done the FWB thing for awhile, but that's different).
Thank you.
To be clear, she is a friend. But I think we are compatible. I do value her friendship, and if we are only friends that is fine, but I frankly would like to form a relationship with her for the reasons I mentioned. Another words, I like her more than a friend, but I would take friendship over nothing. I also value her feelings, hence why I am conflicted.
To be clear, she is a friend. But I think we are compatible. I do value her friendship, and if we are only friends that is fine, but I frankly would like to form a relationship with her for the reasons I mentioned. Another words, I like her more than a friend, but I would take friendship over nothing. I also value her feelings, hence why I am conflicted.
Sure, YOU are conflicted, but she may feel very strongly about it and you just don't know it yet. She may not think you would be compatible at all, and she may not be attracted to you.
There is a very real chance that you won't be able to go back to being friends after you ask if she is not into it. It might be too awkward. She would begin viewing your relationship differently, and possibly feel guilt for turning you down, which would make it harder to be friends.
That's why timber is saying it would be idiotic. Don't risk killing what seems to be a good friendship just because you're feeling desperate for ... sex or love.
If you're going to ask her out, I would wait a bit. She just broke up with her bf so she's probably in rebound mode, which means she might say yes if she just wants a rebound but if that's the reason, then the relationship most likely won't last. Or she might give you that excuse if she rejects you.
You want to turn a friendship into something more? You have two choices. Make your move now or just start to hang out and do more things with her.
The advantage to moving now is that you find out quickly if she is into you or not. The advantage of waiting is that she may not be in a frame of mind to start dating so soon after breaking up, but may decide you are the one when she is ready for that and the two of you become closer by being together more.
In neither case should you really expect her to reciprocate your feelings.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Unless you are willing to lose the entire friendship, I'd leave this alone. I'm kind of in a similar situation, but she's given no obvious sign that she's interested but the friendship means too much to risk losing it.
Yep ive gone for gold twice in this situation, it worked once and the other time I lost her as a friend.
Personally if I was you mate I'd wait in time and see how things work out, Can I ask has she given you any indication that SHE may want more than just friendship?
It's a risk no matter what you do. You just have to decide if losing her as a friend is worth the risk of her possibly being your girlfriend. You also need to figure out, like others said, if she's interested too.
Just like Londoncowboy above me, twice in my life I tried this and one time I lost the friend and the other time it worked out (for several years in fact).
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