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While I agree with your sentiment, it might be a bit extreme to suggest that an environment where most of the guys 35+ have been married at least once is "backwards" (I've lived in many, many cities and have NEVER seen it where the scenario you suggest is the majority. Not by a long shot) For most people in most areas, if someone wants to get married, they've probably done it by 35. Sure, there's tons who marry later than that. And I haven't seen any stats, but it wouldn't surprise me to see that those are the marriages that are more likely to last. But none of that changes that getting married post-35 is the exception, not the rule.
Yep.
There's a lot of statistical analysis out there on median age of first marriages, some broken down by state, region, etc., and reading it critically, one can make a judgment call on the accuracy validity of individual studies and surveys. But looking at a wide cross-section, I've never seen anything that remotely suggests that first marriages post-35 are the average, anywhere in the U.S. They certainly do happen across all regions, but there's nowhere that they're incredibly common, at least common enough to qualify as a statistical norm. I haven't personally seen any data that puts the average age of first marriage for men anywhere above age 30. That's including East Coast cities, which skew older for first marriages more so than any other category of community. Still hover around 30, in terms of the most common age for first marriages for men. There are of course, still loads of men whose first marriages occur 35+, across regions. They just fall outside the statistical average. That doesn't make them highly scarce, however.
I can own that my spouse and I getting married, first time for both, in our upper thirties/lower forties makes us an outlier (certainly for our region, but overall, as well). It still wasn't particularly difficult to find one another.
And, honestly, if I were a divorced person with kids, I would be realistic that I'd be more likely to attract other divorced people with kids.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 12-14-2015 at 09:02 AM..
While I agree with your sentiment, it might be a bit extreme to suggest that an environment where most of the guys 35+ have been married at least once is "backwards" (I've lived in many, many cities and have NEVER seen it where the scenario you suggest is the majority. Not by a long shot) For most people in most areas, if someone wants to get married, they've probably done it by 35. Sure, there's tons who marry later than that. And I haven't seen any stats, but it wouldn't surprise me to see that those are the marriages that are more likely to last. But none of that changes that getting married post-35 is the exception, not the rule.
Yes most are married by 35. I will even say most of my friends were married by 27-30. Now quite a few of us are divorced and trying to remarry.
No, my ex husband is who I was referring to. My sons father I avoid like the plague. Sometimes he is ok and normal, and other times he is as crazy as they come. The problem is not knowing which it is, so I just practice avoidance. He is bipolar and won't use medication.
It isn't that "men don't want marriage anymore."
Most men want to get married once, to a woman who has no children and has never been married before.
They want this at age 20, age 30, age 40, age 50, etc. -- it just gets increasingly unrealistic as they get older, especially if they are on the low end of the socioeconomic scale.
There's a lot of statistical analysis out there on median age of first marriages, some broken down by state, region, etc., and reading it critically, one can make a judgment call on the accuracy validity of individual studies and surveys. But looking at a wide cross-section, I've never seen anything that remotely suggests that first marriages post-35 are the average, anywhere in the U.S. They certainly do happen across all regions, but there's nowhere that they're incredibly common, at least common enough to qualify as a statistical norm. I haven't personally seen any data that puts the average age of first marriage for men anywhere above age 30. That's including East Coast cities, which skew older for first marriages more so than any other category of community. Still hover around 30, in terms of the most common age for first marriages for men. There are of course, still loads of men whose first marriages occur 35+, across regions. They just fall outside the statistical average. That doesn't make them highly scarce, however.
I can own that by my spouse and I getting married, first time for both, in our upper thirties/lower forties makes us an outlier (certainly for our region, but overall, as well). It still wasn't particularly difficult to find one another.
And, honestly, if I were a divorced person with kids, I would be realistic that I'd be more likely to attract other divorced people with kids.
Yeah I gave up looking for a man with no kids. They quickly lost interest when I informed them that I already have two kids that could use a father and I was not interested in having more children.
My current bf does get what it's like to have uninvolved coparents so at least he gets where my kids are coming from, just as I understand his kids wanting a mom.
No, my ex husband is who I was referring to. My sons father I avoid like the plague. Sometimes he is ok and normal, and other times he is as crazy as they come. The problem is not knowing which it is, so I just practice avoidance. He is bipolar and won't use medication.
Sorry, it's hard to keep all the dysfunctional daddies straight.
Most men want to get married once, to a woman who has no children and has never been married before.
Well unfortunately I was married and divorced already before I was even 25. It was not even a real marriage that resulted in kids. I can't go back and make it not happen.
Sorry, it's hard to keep all the dysfunctional daddies straight.
My daughters father is dead and has been prior to her birth. My sons father is a nut. So I only have one dysfunctional dad to deal with.
My daughter does see my ex husband sometimes but nothing dysfunctional about him. He just didn't want to be a parent and didn't love me. That is just who he is. He is still not interested in being a parent or remarrying.
Well unfortunately I was married and divorced already before I was even 25. It was not even a real marriage that resulted in kids. I can't go back and make it not happen.
There are plenty of 35+ men getting married. My husband was 35 and never married/no kids when we married.
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