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Being shy is so...agonizing! I was one of those shy girls my whole life. It's torture wanting to say something, but being too afraid to say something. I couldn't even tell most guys I liked how I felt about them or asked if they would like to hang out sometimes. Now, I don't care-I'll flirt with almost any guy I find cute, and I'm also making new friends. I think the real statement here is, give yourself a chance. Give yourself a chance to say what's on your mind. Give yourself the chance to flirt and not give a care about the outcome. Give yourself the chance to live. You could wait your whole life waiting on that special someone to come and give you a chance. You're not Cinderella waiting on Prince Charming or vise versa. If you want your happily ever after, you have to work and make that happen yourself.
Yes I do like shy men. They seem to "get it". Matter of fact my late husband was extremely shy when we first met.
Is it really fair for guys to settle for us when they are done having their fun with the other girls?
Haha! That's exactly what the bitter guys say about the girls who went after the supposed bad boys in their 20s.
You are sounding kind of bitter.
There is nothing wrong with having experiences with different kinds of personalities until finally settling on the one that suits a person best. This is actually what most normal people do.
Maybe. But I did start this thread with I get tired of men complaining about their luck with women when there is a whole group of women out there who get overlooked.
According to the bitter guys, it is the same way in reverse also.
If you're a man having problems getting dates with a certain type..then why wouldn't you change up your game plan? If something isn't working then why continue down the same path? My post was geared toward those men...obviously if a man has decent luck with women...he isn't complaining and there isn't a need for him to put the extra effort into getting to know a shy person. Although it would be nice to think people would be willing to get to know us shy people but I get we're not everyone's cup of tea.
Begs the question, why wouldn't the shy girl be changing up her game. Same principle.
I think most men have approached women in some kind of way at some point during their life. They just got burned b/c they approached the wrong ones so now they are upset and place all women in the same category...and now they may not approach at all. So what I'm saying is if a man has went after X type of woman in the past, why not try Y type and see where that takes you?
Please define what you mean by approach? You mean just walk up to a random woman and start talking?
So let me get this straight: If the guy is too shy to talk to a woman, you're suggesting that he talks to a woman?
Here's the thing: You originally suggest that if a guy is having trouble with women, he should give shy women a chance. I'm totally on board with that advice. But you should understand that the rest of your advice comes off a little hypocritical, because you're advising shy men to do exactly what you won't do...approach people. I mean, if you're too intimidated to do more than glance at a guy for a second, so you honestly have no business advising shy guys to do anything at all beyond glancing at you for a second.
I don't mean that to sound hostile, but the knee-jerk reaction to a post like that is, "what makes you better than shy guys that they should have to step out of their comfort zone and you don't have to?"
Hope you don't mind me asking but how often are you approached by women compared to the number of times you do the approaching? Do you typically do the approaching more? I bet most men (who don't have approach anxiety) do the majority of the approaching when a woman shows interest. So lets say a shy woman changes up her game....instead of a few glances...she makes eye contact and holds for a few seconds and adds a smile (as suggested in this thread). I'm assuming this is one way non-shy women show interest. If the man is interested...he will approach.
Lets do same scenario except the man is shy. If the woman shows the same exact level of interest and the man doesn't approach b/c he's shy...how is that the woman's problem? Esp if this is a way non-shy women show interest...why is it expected the shy woman make the approach when chances are the non-shy woman won't make an approach either b/c typically a man does the approaching? Isn't that how it goes - woman shows interest...man approaches? Yeah, sure women can approach but that isn't typical.
So if a shy woman is coming out of her comfort zone by smiling/making prolonged, repeated eye contact (showing interest)...why can't the shy man come out of his comfort zone with the approach? We're putting ourselves out there for "rejection" (i.e. if the man decides not to approach), then it's only fair for the man to put himself out there.
Haha! That's exactly what the bitter guys say about the girls who went after the supposed bad boys in their 20s.
You are sounding kind of bitter.
There is nothing wrong with having experiences with different kinds of personalities until finally settling on the one that suits a person best. This is actually what most normal people do.
bahaha you're so right it does sound bitter. But really I'm not bitter...just tired of hearing the same old sob story from guys having bad luck. I only added that last piece in there b/c the way he worded his comment...how men like to settle for the quiet ones.
Begs the question, why wouldn't the shy girl be changing up her game. Same principle.
Good point...some have suggested in this thread to smile and make prolonged eye contact. I don't mind doing that although it may feel uncomfortable but I'm open for making improvements.
Please define what you mean by approach? You mean just walk up to a random woman and start talking?
I think an approach could be any way you start communication with a person you don't know or only marginally know...could be in person, social media, OLD etc.
I was sitting outside of a bar with friends. A group of people I didn't know sat beside us. Lo and behold there is a firepit. so we light it.
I notice a very cute looking lady sitting with the group. Didn't say a word just hanging out with a Smirnoff ice. I noticed her looking over a bit my way though. After a bit the fire got started. I went to get a beer. When I got back I noticed the girl was sitting in the chair right next to me. I took it as a sign she'd welcome me to talk to her. So I did and starting talking.
Not too long after she gets up to go to the restroom and her friends are egging me on to ask her out. They informed me she was shy. That's fine it didn't stop me. So she gets back and when the opportunity was right I did. She gave me her number and we ended up going out on a date. good date also.
Long story short, she showed some type of indictors that there was some interest and opened a door for me to talk to her. If she was huddled around friends the entire time it would have been tough to find the opportunity to talk to her in a natural way.
I found her quiet but friendly disposition very attractive.
Good story! Did you find it hard to hold a conversation with her? Did you have to lead the conversation mostly?
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