Considering ending a long term relationship (date, married, girl, cheated)
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When in doubt, don't. The only reason you are even giving this a second thought and not walking away is because you love her and invested a lot of time in her. You sound like you are more interested in not hurting her because of this love than looking out for your own good. But you should look out for your own good and go with you gut on this. It will hurt I am sure but at the very least put off proposing and get some couples counseling to see if it's a salvageable situation. But if you were me and I was in your situation, I'd walk away and start over with someone more trust worthy.
I am sorry you went through this. It's rough and you deserve someone who treats you as well as you treat her.
And you aren't to blame for her bad behavior. She made her own choices. So don't kick yourself over that either.
I'm with everyone else on here. Get out now and try not to look back. It will only get worse if you stay in, especially if take the relationship further.
I am on the fence on this one. Her behavior tells me it is time to cut and run. But you have been in a two year relationship so you two clearly have something between you. To me, this looks like she needs reassurance from you. As you said, the relationship has become boring and she wants romance. She wants to know that you still find her attractive, that she is worth fighting for and that you are man enough to fight for her. I have seen this need with my own wife. From a man's perspective, this seems a bit childish and unhealthy behavior, but you have to ask yourself, how much do I love this woman? If she is worth fighting for, stop the boring and start romancing. Otherwise cut and run. She is clearly thinking of doing so.
I had been considering proposing to this girl, but now I think that would be a mistake, as fidelity and trust are important to me, and I don't feel I would ever be able to trust her completely, and I know for a fact that she would not be happy in a monogamous relationship.
I think you are right to be worried.
I'll give you a little background on myself. I have always been pretty free with my favors, except when I was in a relationship. I am able to separate love and sex, so to me, sex is fun, and I didn't have to be in a long-term relationship to get the joy out of it. I always stayed friends with the guys I was with, because there was no pressure. When I met my husband, that all changed. I stopped seeing sex as just fun and I stopped having crushes on guys. Because I was in love.
Your girlfriend is not there yet, and after 2 years, is not likely to be.
That is her problem; not yours. Don't blame yourself.
And I bet they fooled around if not had sex. May be anecdotal, but in my own lived experience as well as many experiences I've witnessed and read about, some women tend do two things in these situations.
1. They tell you half truths in order to relieve themselves of guilt. The part about flirting and being excited is true, but there's probably more. But by telling you a little, she feels better.
2. Trickle truth. Again only sharing a part of the story and as you press and she trips up, the truth begins to "trickle" out as she can't hide parts any more
Yep. As soon as she didn't come home when she should, she made the decision to say "*********" to the OP.
Ten bucks says she is lying about a bunch of other guys being there. I'd wager they had sparks at the event and then went to his house and had a heavy makeout session.
I am a 38M, my GF is 29 and we have been together for 2 years. I am looking for advice about what to do, we are having some problems lately related to her crush on a co-worker.
She recently admitted that she had nearly been intimate with this co-worker on whom she had a crush. She had met up with him for an outdoor activity that I was told would not be a private get together. She asked if that was OK with me and I approved of her seeing him because I did not believe they would be alone together and it would not be a romantic meeting. When she didn't come home when she was supposed to, she called and told me they went to his house with several of his friends. I was still not worried because she said they were not alone together. She then admitted they were alone for several hours and he cooked her dinner. She said he was flirting heavily and she found it romantic and exciting. It was during this time that she considered getting physical with him (cuddling and kissing, she claims) She never hung out with him after that, but admitted if she had she would have probably had sex with him and left me for him. She says our relationship has been boring for her the past year, but honestly, in a long term relationship, boring is as good as it gets. I however am not bored. Although she never admitted to me she was bored, and I was under the mistaken impression things were fine with us, as she never talked to me about how unhappy she was, or suggested anything to fix what she felt was wrong.
I had been considering proposing to this girl, but now I think that would be a mistake, as fidelity and trust are important to me, and I don't feel I would ever be able to trust her completely, and I know for a fact that she would not be happy in a monogamous relationship. She admits she doesn't understand why she fell for this guy, he is younger than both of us, he is 24 and is not her type physically. He also has a terrible personality, and she admits he has none of the qualities she looks for in a partner. What scares me is that if she was willing to end our long term relationship, despite the fact that she has professed her love for me almost everyday for two years, for a young man she only knew for about two months and had been alone with once, I fear she would cheat if she met a man who was her type physically and met most of her needs. I am 95% certain she would eventually meet someone with whom she feels a connection, and then she will cheat and leave me.
I think it is best if we pursue other people, but I am scared of losing someone I love, and I am older and doubt I will find someone like her again. I also feel we have both come too far to fail now.
I also feel I could have done something differently and she would have been happy with me, I wonder if I am to blame for this. Any advice is welcome and appreciated. I have never encountered this before, I am in the weeds, and don't know where to turn.
I would have ended it the minute those words were spoken. She's not good for you at all. Don't look back and find someone else. Nobody needs that crap in a relationship. She seems like she plays a lot of games. She also seems very immature and highly selfish. Three things which are not good for any relationship. Kick her to the curb and move on. Good luck guy. Do it now and don't wait. This is an awful relationship.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 12-18-2015 at 01:14 PM..
Well, at least you're certain there's 5% chance that she might not cheat on you. So what's there to worry? That you're older and may not find someone else who is highly likely to cheat on you?
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