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I was hanging out with my date and he handed his phone over to me, and some messages from dating apps popped up. I knew he was on dating sites but I try not to think about them. I had to remind myself that we're not exclusive, but to have it pop up on our date seems like a rude interruption. I actually got really upset because it totally ruined the moment and he didn't know what to say. I don't want to know the girl's name or see the visuals of a million dating sites/apps. It makes him seem like a player or a wanna be player.
The ironic thing was a couple weeks ago, I handed my phone over to him to show him something and I was terrified a message from Tinder would pop up. Luckily it didn't. Afterward I got in there and disabled all notifications because I didn't want an awkward situation like what happened above. Except it would have been me in the awkward position but I doubt he would have been as upset. I only realized later that one should never hand their phone over to their date unless they have disabled all dating notifications via app or email. How would you react if that happened to you and you weren't exclusive?
Also, why do people talk about their exes?? Seems like that should be dating etiquette. I dated someone who was supposedly "experienced" as he claimed so he should know better but he wouldn't shut up about his exes! He was so clueless as to show me a photo of his ex-wife he took of her when she was naked in the tub! He said it was a piece of "art". It actually didn't bother me because I think I look better. But I mean, if we're together, it should be about us having fun at the moment. Having these other people interject during our date really annoys me as they are of no concern to me.
I thought these two things should be common sense...
For the first issue, I don't get why it's a big deal. Like you said, you're not exclusive. It's still not something anyone likes on a date, but at the same time it's nothing to be upset about. Especially when for something you claim to be "common sense," you didn't cover your own bases when you handed over your phone. The better question is why are you handing off phones to each other to look over? Keep your electronics out of the date seems like a better idea!
Exes are a part of a person. I bring up that I'm divorced after I start to get to know a woman. I give her the quick facts that there are no kids and the ex isn't crazy. I might mention her here and there, but for some people that's just as much a part of their life as talking about work or school or hobbies. For me, I spent 9 years with the woman. That's going to infiltrate a significant amount of my past life and plenty of times where it's relevant to mention in a discussion. Again, no one wants to think about their date with someone else, but this is an important part of learning about someone. I find hearing about a woman's ex a little bit gives me some insight into what I should know about her. If it's a bother, speak up. "Can we please not talk about exes?" and move on. Don't leave it hanging awkwardly.
Although showing a picture of your ex isn't a smart move. Nor if she's "artistically" nude.
The better question is why are you handing off phones to each other to look over? Keep your electronics out of the date seems like a better idea!
This. Not only is it rude/distracting to begin with, but considering the nature of some of the media that people keep on their phones, it's a bit too personal for (what sounds like) an early (dates 1-3 ish) date.
I don't meet men online or on apps, so that would absolutely kill any interest I may've had. I'd be polite of course, but I'd shut the man down cuz we are done here... Out of sight/ out of mind is one thing, but I wouldn't choose to ignore things right in my face. + (Nude pics of the ex = hell the f NO )
Common sense: If you're out on a date, TURN THE DAMN PHONE OFF! I've posted previously about being on a date and yakking on the phone, which is very disrespectful and inconsiderate.
With the phone thing, he likes to show me funny videos or other things on the internet.
I know everyone's different and all...but looking @ funny videos and such is something I do when I'm alone and/or really bored... I don't bring that into my social arena. So a guy acting like we're "on facebook" while in person would be juvenile and one dimensional. ( ( Just not my type of guy ) ) Add that to the dating app messages, pics of the ex, and just... Noooo.
If you are not exclusive, you are being naive to believe he is not talking to other people.
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