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You know what I think? I think it will take a lot more than just promising to change and telling her you are going to get counseling to get her back. Its not that easy. You can't continuously treat people like dirt, take advantage of them, and then expect an easy fix.
Its going to take a lot more. In fact, I think the best thing would be for the two of you to be separate for some time. Enough time for you to decide if you want to get your act together. Enough time for her to be able to trust you and trust you with your future child. What is frightening to think about is probably how you would treat the child? Are you going to yell and scream at the kid? No one deserves to live in that type of household, and any good mother (well, even parent) would not want to subject their child to that. No way.
yeah man very good point, i had a football coach who would just WOW SCREAM HIS LUNGS OUT at you for doing nothing. and i know that im not like him at all but yes i definatley see your point, i just want to make this work out and have a happy family something that i nevr did. i just need to take some time off from us and as does she and we will see sooner or later that we do belong together and that she will see that change but its going to be really hard long road! thanks guys
i think that if i lay off for about a few weeks or something like that and i continue to do whats best for me that she will atleast be talking to me and things like that and then we can just go from there. and im sure that what people are telling her is that if he really loves you and wants to be with you he will be waiting for you when youre ready but if he isnt then hes not worht your time. i really think that she knows that i do love her that much and i will be waiting for her. whats the opinions on this?
Yes, I think the 5-page letter is enough. If I was her, I would tell you to leave me alone to give me time to think. Just because you apologize doesn't mean you will get a response RIGHT AWAY.
Very true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tony.jones45
damn i hate waiting though but it looks like im going to have to and just keep a positive head about this whole situation like this .... im going to have a great and beautiful baby... and hopefully a beautiful girl to spend my life with if she gives me that chance and im going to counseling and really getting what i need to help me with what not makes me that perfect person for her. im going to school im getting my education and im looking for a new job bc the one tht i have now just is not for me and ive workd there for 2 years its just a dead end job and i have nothing in common with anyone there i dont talk to ne one there or ne thing like that. thanks guys .... i guess that im going to just have to wait it out and see what happens... she told me that it could take weeks to get over this and then after that she will have an answer and all of that what do you guys think about this statement?
Sounds like you're on the right track.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DareToDream
Having read this thread, here's my 2 cents, FWIW. I was married for 20 years to a guy who "only" drank occasionally. When he was sober, things were great, when he drank he was very verbally abusive and just plain nasty. He always apologized afterwards and things would be fine....Until the next time. He started drinking and being nasty when we were married for about 15 years - it took me 5 to realize he wasn't going to change.
I think your girlfriend is much smarter than I was - she's staying away until she sees that you really mean to stop drinking and verbally abusing her. Anyone can say they are in counseling, going to Alcoholics Anonymous, etc. and actually be doing it, but until the other person sees a positive change, they are going to shy away and stay away until the actions speak for themselves. IMO, she's steering clear of you and any thoughts of a relationship with you until she is sure the counseling and meetings are working and that you are not drinking. I think she's waiting for you to prove to her that you have changed and you are no longer drinking. Only time and your behavior will show her that. Until then, I don't think she'll be answering you......
I totally agree here.
Everyone here has made very valid points. I agree with most of them. Obviously nothing will happen until she sees that you have changed.
So there. Let's all stop repeating ourselves now. I think he's got the point.
ok i got it now, just needa change and let her see it somehow and sometime but until then i guess were not going to talk. thanks guys just hope that everything works out
yeah , so do you think taht shes just not talking back to me on the phone or texting is bc shes trying ot make some space bc i guess i really didnt give it to her and then she wants to see where she stands ater she thinks for a bit??? or what??? and also would there be anything at all to show her how sorry i am besides going to conseling to try and fix the problem??
I think you ought to leave her alone. Stop calling and texting. Do what others have said and take care of your alcoholism. IF she decides to get back in your life, that is up to her. Maybe when you were nice she thought you were the best thing for her and now she knows better? Nothing is more irritating and a turn off than someone constantly bugging you with phone and text messages. You blew it. Don't know if you can be redeemed in her eyes, but it is going to take MUCH more than an apology.
[quote=tony.jones45;2732378]she told me numerous times though that i treated her the best shes ever been treated and i was the best thign to ever happen to her and i made her soo happy.. she even said that she would marry me at oine point...
And you went and cheated on her and was mean....It is starting to sound like you are close to stalking her. It sounds like you are not ready to 1) be in a relationship and 2) should NOT be a parent
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