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Why do you do it? I mean 6am to 12:30am?
Why not buy a cabin and stop wasting your life at work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Avocado
LOL. I know it's always a risk posting on CD. So please realize this is more of a vent type post because I know that the responses I will get here will be mainly unhelpful lol... you didn't disappoint!
Guess you din't read my whole post where I explain that I too work many hours. I work 16 hour days at least once per week year round. And in fact I went TWO whole years working full time days and then full time evening shifts while I was in nursing school. Left the house at 6AM and got back around 12:30AM 5 days per week. So, yeah thanks for nothing...
Yes, I did try that first. This was more a vent obviously.
Yes, two...they're in school.
Thank you. I like that idea about a set 2 week vacation and then he can tackle the honey do list maybe...
So you understand me??? Yay! I just needed someone to GET it! lol thanks.
Oh that was hilarious. I'm the one who cringes when I pull in the driveway and see that he has not moved from his recliner in 9 hours. But, you are probably home on your a$$ all day too so I guess you and him and commiserate together about witch wives...
See first reply above or at least read my whole post. I work two jobs plus am in a demanding grad school program (busying securing OUR future). If anyone is stressed and deserves a break it would be ME. What marriage means to me is a partnership which I am NOT feeling right now... I'm happy he is less stressed but don't you think maybe he could help me out a little so that maybe I am also less stressed???
Thank you. The first post to acknowledge that I am seriously stressed myself so maybe I am handling this wrong and/or seeing this as one issue when it's actually two issues. Which, if I would say this to my husband he would tell me to just quit the nursing job or drop out of school even though my schooling is what will secure US a better future.
I also work full-time while my husband is self-employed as a HVACR technician. He's been in business now for 11 years and is able to stay at home most of the day and watch soap operas and movies, or go play golf all day, and I couldn't be happier for him.
In the beginning, he busted his ass 16 hours a day every day including weekends. Eventually he hired a guy and bought a van at auction for him to drive to help him out. Then he got another guy and another truck. Now he has four vehicles and four workers, all are considered our family and in fact, one is the son of our foreman. Over the years he got more and more popular because he is good at what he does and doesn't overcharge. He's fair with his customers and he's never needed to advertise because people spread the word.
Yeah I have to have the healthcare but I'm not somebody who doesn't want to work, I'd be lost without somewhere to go everyday. Yeah I hate that on a beautiful day while he's playing golf, I'm at work. Yeah he doesn't fix me a meal before I get home, but we are empty nesters and I don't care about that.
But I love him, he's my best friend, and I want him to be happy. He does a lot for this family in other ways and I wouldn't change that for the world.
I don't know how long you've been together, but we had been together two years when he decided to start his own business. If you love him, you'll support him. Period.
What about if he loved her? I he loved her wouldn't he want to take some of the load off of her? Wouldn't he get tired of seeing her stressed and tired? I think it has to be a two way street. I don't think just because a man was born with an extra appendage he has the right to do less around the house. If he is not working, the home should be his responsibility, and he should make things easier on his wife. Who would want to come home to someone sitting in a recliner in his PJs everyday? How could you not resent that?
I am in a kind-of similar situation. I am at home all day.
There is an attitude problem here. His attitude.
It sounds from your posts as if you are trying to be very reasonable, and I do think you need to read the 'riot act' to him. It would have been better if you had discussed and agreed what was going to happen before he started the seasonal work. I am assuming you talked about your extra school and long hours etc.
This is something you need to realise and which I (as a man) have realised for a while. Men need boundaries to work to. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not. If they overstep the mark, then they get the consequences of over-stepping. That normally means they get "grief" from their wife and arguments result. It might be small things like she absolutely needs to have birthday gifts tied up with pretty paper, bows etc or it might be larger things like this.
I personally think you need to put your foot down. Do not give up stuff, school etc which will help you in the future because should you need it, it will help you survive on your own - without him.
Have a serious talk with him and tell him this is serious. Look him in the eye and tell him this is SERIOUS. What you are doing is reading the Riot Act. Tell him that he needs to pull himself together and help run the home. However, you need to decide what you will do if reading the Riot Act does not get him to move his ass off that couch. I suspect he knows that he can take what you say and just ignore it. Often people make a rod for their own backs, and this having ground rules (Riot Act) is part of avoiding that. You need to show him you mean business.
If this serious talk does not work, perhaps take the kids and go and stay a few days at a friends house?? Obviously I dont know personalities involved but maybe there is something useful I have said which can be used or modified.
Last edited by ocpaul20; 12-22-2015 at 02:31 AM..
Reason: clarity
You sound very stressed out and I do sympathize because I did the work full time and attend school full time too, although I was much younger and did not have a family to raise so it wasn't quite the same amount of stress. Does he help with the childcare too or is that mostly left to you?
Have you sat down with him and laid it all out for him? I would phrase it something like this: You're happy he gets a break. He deserves a break after busting a$$ for half the year. BUT, you do not get a break because you work so much and are in school as well. I bet he does not understand just how stressful life is for you right now. Whether or not he should isn't the point, often I find I really don't FULLY understand how my BF feels about something unless he tells me. I can kind of understand but since I'm not living his life, I don't get it 100%. You know what I'm saying? Tell him you feel overwhelmed and you need him to take care of X,Y,Z to help out. I am super bad at picking up subtleties and I am female so it's not even a gender thing necessarily.
You won't be in school forever...work out a concrete, temporary arrangement with him until school is done and you can presumably pick up a job that is less stressful or at least requires less hours.
Sounds like the problem is not your husband, its you. You hate your job. Whether you had a husband or not, you would hate your life, because you hate your job.
What if hubby wasnt there? What if it was you alone? You'd still be working full time, going to school, fixing dinner, having a cleaning person come in. And you would still be unhappy and hate your job.
Wow people, I bet if a man posted on here that his woman did nothing all day but sit around in pjs and only worked summers, people would not be so easy on the person. I lived with a guy years ago who was like this, we were engaged and I didn't go through with it, for this very reason. Yes, she wants him to be happy, but come on, he only works summers and needs all the other months of the year as vacation, give me a break. He really can't get off his butt and help out a bit?
OP, you don't want to become with mother scolding him etc. And he won't change. So unfortunately you either have to let it go, or think about leaving him. In my mind it is that serious of a problem. Also op, take care of yourself. Do you get vacation time? Go away for a break on your own or with friends, take some time for yourself as well, everyone needs that.
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My friend does these things with her 7 year old son.
