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Old 12-21-2015, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Hell
377 posts, read 537,768 times
Reputation: 873

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I am having a jealousy problem lately in my relationship. It is not the usual type of jealousy problem, it concerns jealousy over my husband being at home while I work. He is self- employed and pretty busy all summer. This is his first year doing this full time, he used to do this on the side and work a 9-5 too. So this winter he has nothing to do except for snow plowing if it happens to snow. It is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!!

I hate my job so much and I have to get up and drag myself in here because I carry the benefits for my family. I'm also a nurse and work per diem at a hospital (at least once per week) to keep my foot in the door and clinical skills up. I am also in graduate school full time. So I'm very busy and no stranger to hard work and long days (and mine are year round for those who might tell me he deserves the rest because he has long days all summer). I would leave my full time job and just work per diem as a nurse if I didn't have to carry the benefits. It sure would make school a lot easier!!! I think this is the source of my resentment. I am so sick of feeling like I have to carry the weight of the family. I make more money, carry the benefits, pay all of the bills (he does give me his share of the bill money but I mean I have to worry about them and pay everything) and in general have to be the responsible one in this relationship. It is wearing me down.

Then to be sitting here in hell and he is home refusing to even look at the mile long "honey-do" list that has been written for years now and that he promised to do in the winter. Instead he is sitting in his pjs on the laptop when I leave in the morning and still sitting in his recliner in pjs when I get home. I get home at least expecting maybe dinner will be prepared but NOPE. He'll run out and get a pizza or something if I complain. It is making me want to throw his a$$ out. I'm seriously jealous that he can be home while I can't, resentful that he can be carefree and I can't and just generally stewing with anger. It is not very healthy for our marriage obviously.

I did tell him some of my concerns and he basically just says "I bust my a$$ all summer with 12-13 hour days and I deserve this time off." "And you know I never had good health insurance in any of my jobs and you do, so you have to carry the benefits". "I'll get to the list eventually" blah, blah, blah.

Any advice here?
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Old 12-21-2015, 09:28 AM
 
147 posts, read 124,987 times
Reputation: 299
Want advice?


Get a summer job and bust your ... 12-13h a day then you, too, can have the winters off.
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Old 12-21-2015, 09:31 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,336,188 times
Reputation: 62070
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Avocado View Post
I am having a jealousy problem lately in my relationship. It is not the usual type of jealousy problem, it concerns jealousy over my husband being at home while I work. He is self- employed and pretty busy all summer. This is his first year doing this full time, he used to do this on the side and work a 9-5 too. So this winter he has nothing to do except for snow plowing if it happens to snow. It is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!!

I hate my job so much and I have to get up and drag myself in here because I carry the benefits for my family. I'm also a nurse and work per diem at a hospital (at least once per week) to keep my foot in the door and clinical skills up. I am also in graduate school full time. So I'm very busy and no stranger to hard work and long days (and mine are year round for those who might tell me he deserves the rest because he has long days all summer). I would leave my full time job and just work per diem as a nurse if I didn't have to carry the benefits. It sure would make school a lot easier!!! I think this is the source of my resentment. I am so sick of feeling like I have to carry the weight of the family. I make more money, carry the benefits, pay all of the bills (he does give me his share of the bill money but I mean I have to worry about them and pay everything) and in general have to be the responsible one in this relationship. It is wearing me down.

Then to be sitting here in hell and he is home refusing to even look at the mile long "honey-do" list that has been written for years now and that he promised to do in the winter. Instead he is sitting in his pjs on the laptop when I leave in the morning and still sitting in his recliner in pjs when I get home. I get home at least expecting maybe dinner will be prepared but NOPE. He'll run out and get a pizza or something if I complain. It is making me want to throw his a$$ out. I'm seriously jealous that he can be home while I can't, resentful that he can be carefree and I can't and just generally stewing with anger. It is not very healthy for our marriage obviously.

I did tell him some of my concerns and he basically just says "I bust my a$$ all summer with 12-13 hour days and I deserve this time off." "And you know I never had good health insurance in any of my jobs and you do, so you have to carry the benefits". "I'll get to the list eventually" blah, blah, blah.

Any advice here?

Talk to your husband and get this issue worked out instead of posting on an internet forum which accomplishes nothing.
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Old 12-21-2015, 09:36 AM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,103,100 times
Reputation: 23947
Do you guys have kids? I'm guessing no.
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,785 posts, read 20,055,678 times
Reputation: 45911
There needs to be teamwork in situations like this. Yes, he does deserve some time off, but it should be a set time like 2 weeks. Then he has got to pull his weight at home.

When one partner is home all day, it kind of needs to be handled like a job. Up at a decent time, work on projects and do the day to day stuff (laundry, cooking, cleaning), otherwise resentment occurs.
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:57 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,823 posts, read 2,406,681 times
Reputation: 2666
I'm starting to feel a little jealous myself. He's not home full time yet, but my husband works from home 2-3 days a week, and is still doing the other job part time a couple of days a week. While IS working while he's home, he's his own boss and it's annoying that he gets to be home & sleep in. I think it would be nice if he did more around the house since he's home more but...I guess that's just not going to happen.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:28 AM
 
12,353 posts, read 13,606,839 times
Reputation: 14373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Avocado View Post
I am having a jealousy problem lately in my relationship. It is not the usual type of jealousy problem, it concerns jealousy over my husband being at home while I work. He is self- employed and pretty busy all summer. This is his first year doing this full time, he used to do this on the side and work a 9-5 too. So this winter he has nothing to do except for snow plowing if it happens to snow. It is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!!

I hate my job so much and I have to get up and drag myself in here because I carry the benefits for my family. I'm also a nurse and work per diem at a hospital (at least once per week) to keep my foot in the door and clinical skills up. I am also in graduate school full time. So I'm very busy and no stranger to hard work and long days (and mine are year round for those who might tell me he deserves the rest because he has long days all summer). I would leave my full time job and just work per diem as a nurse if I didn't have to carry the benefits. It sure would make school a lot easier!!! I think this is the source of my resentment. I am so sick of feeling like I have to carry the weight of the family. I make more money, carry the benefits, pay all of the bills (he does give me his share of the bill money but I mean I have to worry about them and pay everything) and in general have to be the responsible one in this relationship. It is wearing me down.

Then to be sitting here in hell and he is home refusing to even look at the mile long "honey-do" list that has been written for years now and that he promised to do in the winter. Instead he is sitting in his pjs on the laptop when I leave in the morning and still sitting in his recliner in pjs when I get home. I get home at least expecting maybe dinner will be prepared but NOPE. He'll run out and get a pizza or something if I complain. It is making me want to throw his a$$ out. I'm seriously jealous that he can be home while I can't, resentful that he can be carefree and I can't and just generally stewing with anger. It is not very healthy for our marriage obviously.

I did tell him some of my concerns and he basically just says "I bust my a$$ all summer with 12-13 hour days and I deserve this time off." "And you know I never had good health insurance in any of my jobs and you do, so you have to carry the benefits". "I'll get to the list eventually" blah, blah, blah.

Any advice here?
Yeah, kick his a$$ out.

He doesn't need this. He probably cringes when he hears your car pull in the driveway.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:33 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,145 posts, read 12,892,023 times
Reputation: 31571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Avocado View Post
I am having a jealousy problem lately in my relationship. It is not the usual type of jealousy problem, it concerns jealousy over my husband being at home while I work. He is self- employed and pretty busy all summer. This is his first year doing this full time, he used to do this on the side and work a 9-5 too. So this winter he has nothing to do except for snow plowing if it happens to snow. It is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!!



I did tell him some of my concerns and he basically just says "I bust my a$$ all summer with 12-13 hour days and I deserve this time off." "And you know I never had good health insurance in any of my jobs and you do, so you have to carry the benefits". "I'll get to the list eventually" blah, blah, blah.

Any advice here?
This is what marriage about. It is about "we" and not "me", it is about sharing and caring. Being jealous because you have to work and hubby doesn't is not a good sign.


I suggest you figure out what marriage means to you.


My opinion: be happy he is not stressed out for a few months. He deserves a break. I would be happy for him.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,081 posts, read 8,366,091 times
Reputation: 19492
You sound like you have a lot of job stess and school stress as well. That is a lot to take on at once, nevermind a husband who doesn't think he needs to contribute to the care of his family in his time off. Being jealous that he's home is a separate issue from him sitting around in his pj's all day doing nothing. Don't mix the two.
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Old 12-21-2015, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Hell
377 posts, read 537,768 times
Reputation: 873
LOL. I know it's always a risk posting on CD. So please realize this is more of a vent type post because I know that the responses I will get here will be mainly unhelpful lol... you didn't disappoint!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bloke2611 View Post
Want advice?


Get a summer job and bust your ... 12-13h a day then you, too, can have the winters off.
Guess you din't read my whole post where I explain that I too work many hours. I work 16 hour days at least once per week year round. And in fact I went TWO whole years working full time days and then full time evening shifts while I was in nursing school. Left the house at 6AM and got back around 12:30AM 5 days per week. So, yeah thanks for nothing...

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Talk to your husband and get this issue worked out instead of posting on an internet forum which accomplishes nothing.
Yes, I did try that first. This was more a vent obviously.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Do you guys have kids? I'm guessing no.
Yes, two...they're in school.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
There needs to be teamwork in situations like this. Yes, he does deserve some time off, but it should be a set time like 2 weeks. Then he has got to pull his weight at home.

When one partner is home all day, it kind of needs to be handled like a job. Up at a decent time, work on projects and do the day to day stuff (laundry, cooking, cleaning), otherwise resentment occurs.
Thank you. I like that idea about a set 2 week vacation and then he can tackle the honey do list maybe...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jrsydevil82 View Post
I'm starting to feel a little jealous myself. He's not home full time yet, but my husband works from home 2-3 days a week, and is still doing the other job part time a couple of days a week. While IS working while he's home, he's his own boss and it's annoying that he gets to be home & sleep in. I think it would be nice if he did more around the house since he's home more but...I guess that's just not going to happen.
So you understand me??? Yay! I just needed someone to GET it! lol thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Yeah, kick his a$$ out.

He doesn't need this. He probably cringes when he hears your car pull in the driveway.
Oh that was hilarious. I'm the one who cringes when I pull in the driveway and see that he has not moved from his recliner in 9 hours. But, you are probably home on your a$$ all day too so I guess you and him and commiserate together about witch wives...

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
This is what marriage about. It is about "we" and not "me", it is about sharing and caring. Being jealous because you have to work and hubby doesn't is not a good sign.


I suggest you figure out what marriage means to you.


My opinion: be happy he is not stressed out for a few months. He deserves a break. I would be happy for him.
See first reply above or at least read my whole post. I work two jobs plus am in a demanding grad school program (busying securing OUR future). If anyone is stressed and deserves a break it would be ME. What marriage means to me is a partnership which I am NOT feeling right now... I'm happy he is less stressed but don't you think maybe he could help me out a little so that maybe I am also less stressed???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
You sound like you have a lot of job stess and school stress as well. That is a lot to take on at once, nevermind a husband who doesn't think he needs to contribute to the care of his family in his time off. Being jealous that he's home is a separate issue from him sitting around in his pj's all day doing nothing. Don't mix the two.
Thank you. The first post to acknowledge that I am seriously stressed myself so maybe I am handling this wrong and/or seeing this as one issue when it's actually two issues. Which, if I would say this to my husband he would tell me to just quit the nursing job or drop out of school even though my schooling is what will secure US a better future.
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