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Nope I'm pretty confident that what I said was accurate about you and the others I who think like you. If you really want a hot guy or a hot girl like Dissenter, where are they now? Most mature people understand that looks are great but they don't trump everything else, these people are most likely in and are able to maintain successful relationships (especially when the looks fade with time). While others like you and Dissenter are unsuccessful at either pursuing and getting these gorgeous people or keeping them once you have them. Why is that? You really should reexamine your perspective... Or don't and continue to be single. I don't care either way.
To go this hard at some of these posters haven't posted anything particularly disrespectful indicates that you are deeply offended by what is being said here.
I have not seen Jasper or Diss or anyone here say that they are looking for a Henry Cavill or a Kate Upton or any smoking hot dimes. All I've seen is people say is that they would like someone that is at least somewhat attractive to them. Nor have I heard anyone say that looks are the only thing that matter but they do factor into the equation. For many people that attraction is what elevates someone from being a close friend to a lover. People are wired differently no need to be hostile.
Also, being single is not some horrific fate destined only for undesirables and unlovables. Quite frankly it's far more detestable for a person to get with someone they aren't attracted to because they can't take being alone. It would just be a waste of time on both sides.
Nope. Not in this day and age, when there is so much science out there about what happens during menopause/manopause. The old "there's nothing you can do" is what people tell themselves after menopause when they still want to eat and live like they did in their 30s. There is no earthly good reason anyone in a developed nation should "balloon" just because they went through a change of life. They can't work out "a bit." They need to double down, if not in intensity (the joints can only take so much), then in activity. They can't "cut a few calories." They need to HALVE their intake and lay off the simple carbs.
Once a middle-aged person realizes the clothes are getting tight, that is the time to take aggressive action. It doesn't happen suddenly, either. Everyone who is 40 or older should weigh themselves once a week. Scale inching up? You know what to do. But in a country where 2/3 of adults are overweight or obese, telling people that will win no popularity points.
Fifteen, 20 pounds can be stubborn. I battle 15 myself. But ballooning? Nope. Just nope.
I think it happens differently for different people. Some people come through all that and stay slim and wiry effortlessly. Many women experience a change from an hourglass figure to an apple figure that has to do with estrogen loss, not weight gain. This can happen to women without their gaining any weight. There's also a tendency in men and women to gain not only subcutaneous fat, but internal fat, around the organs, which contributes to diabetes risk. These phenomena are hormone-related, and it can be gradual for some but sudden for others. I've seen women who go up a couple of sizes (the insomnia that goes with that seems to play a role) come back down and regain their "girlish" figures when they go on hormones. This can happen with men, too.
I don't think it's fair to hold everyone to the same standard, because everyone's system is different. Some people will never be the trim, wiry type in the last third of their life. However, I think you're right that those who aren't that type probably do have to double up their exercise regime and adjust even a healthy diet to handle the new reality after mid-life.
As an aside, I find it alarming how many doctors even in their late 30's and 40's are obese themselves! It's weird to think they counsel their patients on losing weight, basically saying, "Do as I say, not as I do".
Dissenter, I might also suggest that if the opportunity ever presents itself to you, move out of the DC area. Check out someplace like Colorado perhaps, I don't know. I grew up in northern Virginia, and I have lived significant amounts of time in Ohio, Iowa, Washington state, and now here in Colorado. I remember (and it's confirmed when I visit "back home") that attitudes in the DC area can be almost hostile as a baseline. People just are not as friendly, and there is a lot of tension, not just racial tension, but overal tension. Granted, I'm a white girl, but I started easing up and learning to be casually friendly to people as I moved to Iowa and further west. Here in Colorado Springs, because it's a military town, there is some racial diversity and more mixing at all socioeconomic levels. And a lot less racism than a city that close to "the south". It's weird, DC does not feel southern, but it's not far from people who still retain some pretty serious "deep south" attitudes.
A change of scenery might improve your outlook on life. But I still seriously believe that you try too hard to blame a lack of success with women on things you can't change. That's easier than working on yourself, but it will keep you right where you're at. Best of luck to you, anyhow.
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Back to topic.
Most of what I've said about putting personality and character and so forth above looks, assumes that a person isn't hideously ugly but rather just plain or average. Even lower tier average. Just a person. As to the comment someone made about "you're attracted to someone or you're not" that is just not true for me. I've learned to keep an open mind towards the average looking ones. Given enough of a chance, they might just blow your mind.
So people I meet start off as a yes, no, or maybe in my mind as potential partners for sex or relationships. Most are maybes. Very few are definite yes's. Plenty are no's. A whole lot of average looking people who aren't particularly my "type" are maybes because they don't attract or repel me. They've got the chance to make an impression with what's on the inside, if they play their cards right, basically.
And no, I'm not banking that a person's character isn't ever going to change, and they'll remain forever the person I fell in love with. But I certainly wouldn't get with someone hot whose personality was impossible, hoping they would change. I waited 18 years hoping my ex's attitude would get better...maybe if life circumstances improve, he'll stop being miserable and dragging everyone else down with him...he THINKS he has changed, and he SAYS he has changed, but all I hear is the same old stuff out of his mouth. I'm saying he hasn't changed much at all. Maybe for the worse.
Looks on the other hand...well, if you're gonna grow old with someone, you're both going to look like old people one day unless you can afford to preserve your eternal youth artificially, like Cher or something. Good luck with that.
But personally I just want to be with people whose company I enjoy. I don't enjoy sitting there staring at a hot person, with nothing to talk about. I want fun and conversation and such. To be able to do things together that we both like. That's where the inner qualities matter.
Most of what I've said about putting personality and character and so forth above looks, assumes that a person isn't hideously ugly but rather just plain or average. Even lower tier average. Just a person. As to the comment someone made about "you're attracted to someone or you're not" that is just not true for me. I've learned to keep an open mind towards the average looking ones. Given enough of a chance, they might just blow your mind.
But personally I just want to be with people whose company I enjoy. I don't enjoy sitting there staring at a hot person, with nothing to talk about. I want fun and conversation and such. To be able to do things together that we both like. That's where the inner qualities matter.
This! It sounds like some of us here are talking apples while others are talking oranges. A number of people have said, more or less, that they don't need to be physically attracted to someone initially, it's possible for that to grow after they get to know someone. Some others are saying that "ugly" will never do. Well, we're not talking "ugly" or deformed, we're talking average or plain, or nothing-to-write-home-about, but someone who could be full of very good surprises once you got to know them. Inbetween the stark white and stark black, there are many varieties of grey, some of which one can work with.
To go this hard at some of these posters haven't posted anything particularly disrespectful indicates that you are deeply offended by what is being said here..
I didn't address her until I was adressed first by her. I'm simply stating my opinion here like everyone else. Notice how I let it go, she got the last word, and that I moved on? It's pointless to get into petty arguments so I dropped it, but I will still state my opinion in the general sense in response to the OP.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrowningPoeFrost
I didn't address her until I was adressed first by her. I'm simply stating my opinion here like everyone else. Notice how I let it go, she got the last word, and that I moved on? It's pointless to get into petty arguments so I dropped it, but I will still state my opinion in the general sense in response to the OP.
Well you've continued to come after me after I refuted your allegations that I only wanted a hottie. I don't think you've moved on.
The practical question is not in the extravagantly contrived circumstances with which this thread began, but in instances where two persons meet for eventual romantic purposes, find strong mutual affinity, are mutually enthused about values/goals/lifestyle, and yet, one of them – typically it's only one of them – can't dispense with the nagging feeling that he/she "could do better".
Consider the following internal monologue:
"I like her well enough. She's a great gal. But when we're together in a public place, my glance invariably wanders, and I can't help fantasizing… why couldn't she have the looks of this other woman there in the corner, or this other one who just walked in, or that one over there, or the one at the other table, or…. But wait; now she's looking at me with the most delightful expression of affection, and here I am, daydreaming about other women! Such turpitude and obnoxiousness on my part. But… what about that woman over there, and that one, over there, and…."
It seems to me that the above scenario occurs with considerable frequency. What ought one to do about it?
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