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The OP feels like crap because she didn't have sex with him because she wanted too, she did it for him and now to find out she wasn't as "special" as she thought she was is a slap in the face. This is exactly why some women need to stop using sex as relationship negotiation. Well if I have sex with him then surely I'm going to be the only person he's having sex with even though we're not exclusive. Wrong, you're not exclusive until he agrees to be exclusive and just because you have sex with him doesn't mean you're different from the other women he already has in rotation, you're now just an addition to his already existing rotation.
When you have sex because it's what you want to do, it doesn't matter what happens afterward because you got what you wanted out of the act the same way he did. It only becomes an issue when people like the OP places expectations upon the act of sex in which not everyone will adhere too. That is why there are some girls who don't care if they're exclusive or not before having sex, then there's others who know they want a relationship so they reframe from the act until it is established that they're in a exclusive relationship and yes there are guys who will commit before having sex. Guys label those girls "traditional" and they know they aren't going to get it unless he becomes her boyfriend and meet her family. Not everyone is running around having recreational sex or think it's taboo to want to be exclusive before having sex.
The woman needs to set boundaries and not compromise them in hopes that she'll get the guy to commit.
Last edited by Shysister; 12-22-2015 at 12:53 PM..
Despite your glibness, It actually doesn't. Madison is a special place. I grew up in Boston though. But culturally I'll take the cities of the upper midwest over almost anywhere.
Ditto. Personally, I hated Madison, but had personal reasons for doing so, and I understand why most like it (though I LOVE Milwaukee). I even left the southwest (Phoenix, specifically) to come back to the midwest, in fact.
My boyfriend now of a few months basically lied by omission while we were dating, before we were exclusive.
While we were seeing each other, I've now found out he was also sleeping with two other girls. I know he didn't technically cheat, but I can't help but feel cheated and deceived. I feel like he led me to believe I was the only one he was hooking up with and now I feel almost manipulated.
I care about him but I'm worried about resenting this in the future and I'm not sure what to do.
Did you tell him how you feel now?
I guess this is a lesson learned for you. Don't be afraid to tell men what you want early on. If they don't like it, they can take a hike.
If a guy really likes you, I don't think he'd be wh*ring around anyways.
My boyfriend now of a few months basically lied by omission while we were dating, before we were exclusive.
While we were seeing each other, I've now found out he was also sleeping with two other girls. I know he didn't technically cheat, but I can't help but feel cheated and deceived. I feel like he led me to believe I was the only one he was hooking up with and now I feel almost manipulated.
I care about him but I'm worried about resenting this in the future and I'm not sure what to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Madworld18
Lying by omission is still lying in my opinion.
B & S, you were not exclusive, he did not cheat on anyone unless he was exclusive with one of the other girls while dating you, then you would be the one he cheated with.
You expect someone you were not exclusive to not date someone else? You should tell your dates that before the first date and see how things go.
My boyfriend now of a few months basically lied by omission while we were dating, before we were exclusive.
While we were seeing each other, I've now found out he was also sleeping with two other girls. I know he didn't technically cheat, but I can't help but feel cheated and deceived. I feel like he led me to believe I was the only one he was hooking up with and now I feel almost manipulated.
I care about him but I'm worried about resenting this in the future and I'm not sure what to do.
In fairness as you was not exclusively together you can't really hold that against him as he hasn't done anything wrong.
However if you have any bad feelings about it I personally would end it, simply because it will cause trouble in the future and it's unfair on him especially if he is treating you well since you've been exclusive
Actually any conversation. Doesn't make a difference. But dating is about getting to know someone, in my book.
To me the type of conversation makes a huge difference.
If its the type of conversation in which you are trying to get to know eachother better at a level in order to become a couple, then for me it is out of the question to see others at the same time.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by koeken
To me the type of conversation makes a huge difference.
If its the type of conversation in which you are trying to get to know eachother better at a level in order to become a couple, then for me it is out of the question to see others at the same time.
Wouldn't it follow, then, that a guy is more likely to expect and even assume exclusivity? Or am I misunderstanding what you mean?
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