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You are not a woman. You don't know OUR dating pool. You don't know how many 45-50 year old guys on OLD look for women 25-35 years of age.
Every LT relationship I have had in the past 12 years or do, has come about via OLD. Most of the men were younger than I. None were more than few months older.
You feel old because you're out of shape and sound a bit depressed. The weight comes back because you're going on a diet or doing whatever to lose weight, then you stop doing it. Weight loss isn't something you do for a bit. It is a fundamental lifestyle change. I'm 5 years younger than you. Dating in many ways is better than ever. I don't like that it is mostly 34-38 yo that message me on OLD, but it is what it is.
If you want to feel better about yourself, and feel younger, and look younger, exercise exercise. If you're working out less than 45 min or so 4-5 days a week (I would suggest 6, personally), you're taking it too easy. After a couple of years of that, you'll feel like a new person.
Just turned 49 and I found that if you focus on women over the age of 40 it's a gold mine out there. I have been in a relationship most of the year, but before I settled down with one woman I was getting 2-3 dates a week with different women. For awhile I was getting more action than I was back in college. From my experience quite a few of the women I went out with did not care that I made less than they did. They were looking for stable men who could hold up their end of the conversation, kept care of themselves, did not live with their parents and somewhat healthy. Many women know the reality of the current job market, a lot of the jobs that men typically do have been reduced or cut. I ended up dating a few women who had stable civil service jobs who wanted to date any man that was somewhat normal.
I'm 49 also, and found this to be true. Over a four week period prior to meeting my now G/F, I went out on about 10 dates.
I'm 36, and personally I think that late 40's is the magical perfect golden age for men. I absolutely have no interest in any man younger than me, men in my own age range I consider momentarily but the single ones usually have maturity or life stages issues that I'm not down with, but the guys in their 40's, especially late 40's and even early 50's...that is what I consider PERFECT.
Granted. I know I'm not attracted to the same men that many women are. I'm not exactly typical in my preferences in many ways. But I'm part of a community where lots of ladies think just like me.
However, a guy that age, to succeed with women, MUST have some self confidence and self worth. If you are moping around all down on yourself hoping some lady will come to your rescue, you won't succeed no matter what your age, physical shape, or even income. I strongly believe that attitude and what you project is 99.9% of the game for men.
I have seen men succeed in dating, with the following handicaps but a good attitude (confident and like themselves, positive and strong vibe):
- Broke, homeless, and needing a sugar momma.
- Short
- Fat
- Over 60
- Not well endowed
- Serious sexual dysfunction
- Balding/Bald
And other things that many guys say, "I can't get women because ______ ."
The problem isn't the thing. The thing is not a thing, it doesn't matter, it is only an excuse. Let it go! The problem is saying, "I can't get women because" whatever. If you can let go of your investment in the outcome, act like you don't care what happens because you love yourself and life, and just go forth like you own the day, you are much more likely to attract female attention.
You know what you need to do. Go exercise and stuff, not because women will like you when you are in better shape, but because YOU will like you more, when you're in better shape, and once you like yourself, women will like you more. Also, do the writing stuff. You need more wins to your name, so whatever makes you feel like you're winning...go for it.
Great post, and thanks for also giving me hope since I don't have any of the issues you listed
Did I say those people don't exist? Did I imply that? Nope. Not a little bit. So safe the false affront-age. Hey, maybe that's a West Coast thing? (since y'all seem to think this has something to do with region)
I'm speaking for myself and the people I do know. I'm 44. I don't have 40yo + women message me. They're all younger. Women my age don't show interest in me or my peers. It's women in their early to late 30s that show the interest.
Lucky you. That's what I'm looking for, women in their late 30's. No good ones where I live. I get women 50+ messaging me, which I ignore.
My advice, I found my soul mate at 60, is to join an OLD site and meet some women and get some confidence. Meeting women in a bar or club or especially singles mingle events can be devastating to your self image. I never had any luck in those places and left feeling worse than when I went in. I went to a singles event sponsored by POF and the only woman that would pay any attention to me was so drunk she could hardly stand up, most of the people knew each other and I felt extremely out of place. With OLD you will at least get some dates which will help your confidence. I met my future wife 40 miles and in a different country (Canada) from where I lived. Much better for someone in your situation.
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