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He is a jerk because he feels it is a stupid idea to have a party like that?
I think your view on what a jerk is, is wrong.
1) Is christmass a hypocritical thing these day? Yes!
2) He is actually right: many people gather during christmas for a family part. Why not other moments?
You have families that hardly speak to eachother and yet on christmas all of a sudden they are best friends and have to meet?
3) Xmas is not a BS holiday? Yes it is! Hardly anyone knows what christmas really is or what it means. The link with the catholic church is pretty much bogus (to have it on this day). Secondly the things people do on christmas that they believe is true is fake again.
Christmas as people have it, is a commercial invention.
If you are religious you should know this (unless you do not even know what it means and do not care, but then are you really religious?)
4) "he can view it as a time to celebrate family ties, kindness and generosity to others, and humankind's interdependence" => Just this day?
I see it all the time: people that do not care about others for some reason become "loving" during this period. How hypocritical is this?
==> to sum up: you clearly fall for the popular mainstream christmas without really knowing what it actually is.
If you need christmas to speak to your familly , act kind, be generous to others.. you are doing it WRONG!
Based on this story?
For all we know he is the best husband/dad out there.
Have you ever asked him why he feels like this?
Communication? Does that ring a bell?
The text in bold: he is actually right!
Learn your kids that you should be good to eachother on every day!
Learn your kids that seeing your family does not need to be restricted to just "this day"
Learn your kids that christmas is a commercial thing (but can still be nice)! (I am not saying he has to tell them at a young age that santaclaus is fake or something)
And I can go on for a while....
Well speak to him! If he really is a good husband/dad he will (or should) be able to participate in the festivities.
PS. you would be suprised how many people actually get "depressed" or annoyed during these times because they feel it is all a fake thing!
Did you ever wonder how many people out there that never see their families and all of a sudden they have to participate in this fake stuff?
You ever wonder about this?
There is a reason why people have lots of fights during these days when gathering with the family!
Think about it!
And before anyone tells me I am a grinch: I actually had a nice christmas dinner with my family and I liked it.
THe difference is we have often dinners like this and we do not really play along with the "image" christmas is created by commercial things.
For my family christmas is simply another day where we can get together and eat (+ an extra day off at work! haha)
Awesome post (tho its "teach your kids" not "learn your kids"). Another thing that aggravates the hell out of me this time of year, is all the food drives for the homeless and less fortunate. Give me a break. Like they arent hungry the rest of the year? What a bunch of hypocrites. If you give charitably, you dont need a "holiday" (and I use that term loosely) like Christmas to give. grr grr grr. Now its off to the beach!
Awesome post (tho its "teach your kids" not "learn your kids"). Another thing that aggravates the hell out of me this time of year, is all the food drives for the homeless and less fortunate. Give me a break. Like they arent hungry the rest of the year? What a bunch of hypocrites. If you give charitably, you dont need a "holiday" (and I use that term loosely) like Christmas to give. grr grr grr. Now its off to the beach!
Yes!
I should have written teach rather than learn!
Oh well, it is not my native langauge!
I guess learning is something you do yourself and teaching is the "act of having others learn" stuff?
I really hate Christmas, for a lot of the same reasons your hubby does. I cant blame him one bit. Why can't you just leave him alone and do what you want to do? Its obvious he has strong feelings against Christmas, and he isnt the only person in the world, believe me. You have made it a thousand times worse by your actions towards him. Its okay for you to want to do what you want to do, but it isnt okay for him?
Its just another day to me, a long weekend off this year, for some fun stuff to do. None of which is Christmas related. I will not participate in any Christmas festivities, and my family and friends respect that. Why cant you respect your husbands feelings?
Ditto. I love the whole shebang: Christmas, Yule, Saturnalia, Festivus, Winter Solstice, Modraniht. But if someone does not want to participate, you respect and leave them the hell alone; his feelings toward Christmas are no less valid than anyone else's.
He is a jerk because he feels it is a stupid idea to have a party like that?
I think your view on what a jerk is, is wrong.
1) Is christmass a hypocritical thing these day? Yes!
2) He is actually right: many people gather during christmas for a family part. Why not other moments?
You have families that hardly speak to eachother and yet on christmas all of a sudden they are best friends and have to meet?
3) Xmas is not a BS holiday? Yes it is! Hardly anyone knows what christmas really is or what it means. The link with the catholic church is pretty much bogus (to have it on this day). Secondly the things people do on christmas that they believe is true is fake again.
Christmas as people have it, is a commercial invention.
If you are religious you should know this (unless you do not even know what it means and do not care, but then are you really religious?)
4) "he can view it as a time to celebrate family ties, kindness and generosity to others, and humankind's interdependence" => Just this day?
I see it all the time: people that do not care about others for some reason become "loving" during this period. How hypocritical is this?
==> to sum up: you clearly fall for the popular mainstream christmas without really knowing what it actually is.
If you need christmas to speak to your familly , act kind, be generous to others.. you are doing it WRONG!
I guess you're addressing me with this part of your post? You must have misunderstood me; I'm not religious, never have been. As a child I realized we're stuck in this Christian culture that celebrates the birth of somebody who's believed to be the son of some bearded guy in the sky, so in order to get along rather than fight it or resent it, I took it as a secular holiday to celebrate the values it represents without the religious aspect. Of course one is kind and generous to others and loving with family year round, but there's nothing wrong with having a day or a season (Christmas technically is a "season", extending through Jan. 6) to celebrate that, is there?
The guy is a jerk not because he sees how bogus it can be. He's a jerk because he has no qualms about upsetting his wife with his chronic cursing and sulking about it, and because he's a father with kids for whom Xmas is a big deal, yet he's not able to rise above whatever his resentments are about it to create a positive and loving atmosphere for his kids. He's not behaving like an adult. Christmas can be whatever you make of it; it doesn't have to be a religious holiday in the OP's home if her hubby isn't into that; they can create their own meaning around it, and it can still be special to the kids.
This isn't about him being right or wrong in his opinions. It's about him showing some maturity and setting his opinions aside (or at least not expressing them so coarsely and emphatically over and over) for the sake of his kids, at the least. Better yet, he could have discussed the whole thing with his wife weeks in advance, explaining how he felt about it, and suggested they figure out some alternative, or a compromise. Pitching a fit on Xmas Eve, when the holiday is already in full swing, isn't going to help anyone, including himself.
He's not alone. I don't see big deal over Christmas either because it's just another commercial holiday to me. Not a big deal because not everyone celebrates it.
He is a jerk because he feels it is a stupid idea to have a party like that?
I think your view on what a jerk is, is wrong.
1) Is christmass a hypocritical thing these day? Yes!
2) He is actually right: many people gather during christmas for a family part. Why not other moments?
You have families that hardly speak to eachother and yet on christmas all of a sudden they are best friends and have to meet?
3) Xmas is not a BS holiday? Yes it is! Hardly anyone knows what christmas really is or what it means. The link with the catholic church is pretty much bogus (to have it on this day). Secondly the things people do on christmas that they believe is true is fake again.
Christmas as people have it, is a commercial invention.
If you are religious you should know this (unless you do not even know what it means and do not care, but then are you really religious?)
4) "he can view it as a time to celebrate family ties, kindness and generosity to others, and humankind's interdependence" => Just this day?
I see it all the time: people that do not care about others for some reason become "loving" during this period. How hypocritical is this?
==> to sum up: you clearly fall for the popular mainstream christmas without really knowing what it actually is.
If you need christmas to speak to your familly , act kind, be generous to others.. you are doing it WRONG!
Based on this story?
For all we know he is the best husband/dad out there.
Have you ever asked him why he feels like this?
Communication? Does that ring a bell?
The text in bold: he is actually right!
Learn your kids that you should be good to eachother on every day!
Learn your kids that seeing your family does not need to be restricted to just "this day"
Learn your kids that christmas is a commercial thing (but can still be nice)! (I am not saying he has to tell them at a young age that santaclaus is fake or something)
And I can go on for a while....
Well speak to him! If he really is a good husband/dad he will (or should) be able to participate in the festivities.
PS. you would be suprised how many people actually get "depressed" or annoyed during these times because they feel it is all a fake thing!
Did you ever wonder how many people out there that never see their families and all of a sudden they have to participate in this fake stuff?
You ever wonder about this?
There is a reason why people have lots of fights during these days when gathering with the family!
Think about it!
And before anyone tells me I am a grinch: I actually had a nice christmas dinner with my family and I liked it.
THe difference is we have often dinners like this and we do not really play along with the "image" christmas is created by commercial things.
For my family christmas is simply another day where we can get together and eat (+ an extra day off at work! haha)
Same thing with my family. I don't like Christmas never have but my mother loves it so I can put my disdain for it aside for her. But excellent post nonetheless.
Life and relationships are full of BS moments and days. If you gather up all the BS moments in a relationship, it's probably 1/3 of your time.
He is fine in his beliefs, but the fact that he just shrugs off what he deems BS is very selfish.
Aren't there a million things that you do, not from a desire to do them, but because they are important to him? Because that's what you do in a relationship. You do BS things for each other and share the boring times with the good ones.
I don't see it's a problem that he doesn't like Christmas, because if you felt that way too it would be fine. However, he knows it is a treasured time for you and he can't be bothered.
Life and relationships are full of BS moments and days. If you gather up all the BS moments in a relationship, it's probably 1/3 of your time.
He is fine in his beliefs, but the fact that he just shrugs off what he deems BS is very selfish.
Aren't there a million things that you do, not from a desire to do them, but because they are important to him? Because that's what you do in a relationship. You do BS things for each other and share the boring times with the good ones.
I don't see it's a problem that he doesn't like Christmas, because if you felt that way too it would be fine. However, he knows it is a treasured time for you and he can't be bothered.
Yes, x 1000! You nailed it.
I suggested you go about your business without including him because it worked with my husband, but it was weekends, not holidays. My husband loves sleep, and he works all week. So weekends would come and he would be lazy in bed late into the day, slow to get going at all. "Wait, I need a shower" only to be ready 2.5 hours later and then demand we tend to his wants first (i.e. I want to go get coffee, lets stop at starbucks. I need to run some errands, lets do those first. I want a beer, lets go get lunch first). This is all the time we had kids and I wanted to do things as a family. So I would get mad at him and it was drama every weekend. Finally it hit me...fine, if he is just going to be a jerk, he isn't invited.
So I just started getting up, getting the kids ready, peaking in the bedroom door and saying "hey the kids and I are headed for the zoo. See you later" or what ever. It took only a couple of weekends for him to get out of his sleeping habit real fast and being ready to go with us. So it worked out the way I wanted. But even if he had opted to sleep in every weekend and ignore us...yeah it would have been a major issue in our marriage and family. BUT it would have been better to be stuck in the passive aggressive battle over the weekends.
It was years ago since we went through that. Sometimes I know he is extra tired and I let him opt out of a weekend activity to sleep. But he usually declines if I offer. I even told him he could opt out of a weekend out of town with me and the kids. He decided to come, even though it meant no late sleeps over the weekend.
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