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One of the things I have noticed is that romances occur but relationships take work, sometimes a lot of work. Lastly a lot of people are lazy.
When I was younger, I went through a lot of women because when a problem came along, I bought into the sophistry that the solution was to break up and look for the perfect girl rather than to put time into trying to improve and repair my current relationship. Mostly I was running to stand still. A lot of the problems that I was blaming on the women in my life were more my own issues, which is why the problems would keep repeating themselves in subsequent relationships.
My own experience has been that relationships are about as good or as bad as you are willing to make them. You can find people to date who will tend to live up to your highest or live down to your lowest expectations.
If you are willing to search for it, you can find women who really are willing to invest in a relationship. If you are just looking for someone to exchange body fluids with, you can also find someone to do that as well. But I suspect that a lot of the people dismissing the potential of relationships just lack the experience and maturity to actually make one work.
That's not really true and you know it. Just not everyone has the same interests as you do. You say that it requires a lot of work and you've "learned" that it's better to work on the relationship than go find a new one. Well, I disagree. My time and energy needs to be put into my career and things of great importance to my life. If I have to put a bunch of "work" into a relationship, or try to fix the girl, then it's a no-go. I don't have the interest in doing that. It's not a matter of being lazy, quite the opposite, it's a matter of being very busy and not feeling that it's worth it. One girl I dated was an alcoholic, and she thought sex once a week was acceptable (and was horrible at it), do you think I should have stayed and put work into helping her not be an alcoholic and somehow teach her to have better sex? Heck no. That's not my job. I'm not here to fix people. I want an already well-put-together person to spend time with and I think I deserve that. I don't ask of other people that they deal with my problems as I don't have these problems, but a lot of girls expect some guy is going to fix them. Maybe that appeals to some guys. Not to me.
That's not really true and you know it. Just not everyone has the same interests as you do. You say that it requires a lot of work and you've "learned" that it's better to work on the relationship than go find a new one. Well, I disagree. My time and energy needs to be put into my career and things of great importance to my life. If I have to put a bunch of "work" into a relationship, or try to fix the girl, then it's a no-go. I don't have the interest in doing that. It's not a matter of being lazy, quite the opposite, it's a matter of being very busy and not feeling that it's worth it. One girl I dated was an alcoholic, and she thought sex once a week was acceptable (and was horrible at it), do you think I should have stayed and put work into helping her not be an alcoholic and somehow teach her to have better sex? Heck no. That's not my job. I'm not here to fix people. I want an already well-put-together person to spend time with and I think I deserve that. I don't ask of other people that they deal with my problems as I don't have these problems, but a lot of girls expect some guy is going to fix them. Maybe that appeals to some guys. Not to me.
Are you really that busy? Look at your posting history. Look at all of the time, you are spending on this site. My hunch is that you are here so much because you are really lonely.
Offline, you are much more likely to deal with someone who genuinely cares about you. There is a lot to be said for real relationships with real people who genuinely have affection for you.
One of the reasons I think the divorce rate is so high is that we romanticize falling in love and getting married and expect a happily ever after after that. It's almost like falling in love and getting married are the end. Problem is, life comes after that. I don't think we teach our kids what to do after the honeymoon.
Husbands and Wives in America spend more time in front of the TV than talking to one another. We work more than most countries. Our society tells men to be women and women to be men.
Our society tells men to be women and women to be men.
I'll buy that. Most people are, even today, still fairly traditional when it comes to roles, so the blurring of gender roles has not helped much. In fact, it has hurt matters.
I think he didn't have to fix her alcoholism. But in real relationships there is work. Jonathan just sounds selfish and has limited capacities for care if you ask me...
there is no perfect person that you will not have to compromise or work with...
Quote:
Originally Posted by zen_klown
Are you really that busy? Look at your posting history. Look at all of the time, you are spending on this site. My hunch is that you are here so much because you are really lonely.
Offline, you are much more likely to deal with someone who genuinely cares about you. There is a lot to be said for real relationships with real people who genuinely have affection for you.
Are you really that busy? Look at your posting history. Look at all of the time, you are spending on this site. My hunch is that you are here so much because you are really lonely.
Offline, you are much more likely to deal with someone who genuinely cares about you. There is a lot to be said for real relationships with real people who genuinely have affection for you.
I think you are being a little harsh and, even though there are posting patterns, I don't know who's who on here, what's in their heads...and not so sure I care.
In my case, I just got back from a lunch with a group I belong to. It was great. A lot of intellectual exchange and people that I think are great to hang out with. Sometimes, people are in a groove where their friendships will carry them. That's where I am right now. Maybe JLB is in the same place...maybe not.
One of the reasons I think the divorce rate is so high is that we romanticize falling in love and getting married and expect a happily ever after after that. It's almost like falling in love and getting married are the end. Problem is, life comes after that. I don't think we teach our kids what to do after the honeymoon.
Why should you shut down when a relationship takes work??
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
I think you are being a little harsh and, even though there are posting patterns, I don't know who's who on here, what's in their heads...and not so sure I care.
In my case, I just got back from a lunch with a group I belong to. It was great. A lot of intellectual exchange and people that I think are great to hang out with. Sometimes, people are in a groove where their friendships will carry them. That's where I am right now. Maybe JLB is in the same place...maybe not.
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