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Old 12-26-2015, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttownbound627 View Post
No I know its not a big a small thing and we both talked a lot about this after the holidays and both want to get help. Work on whatever issues that we both have and see if it works out and if it doesn't then we will part ways. In the meantime I just don't want to be made to feel like I'm crazy for trying to make it work when my family (specifically my sister) said that they have been more than understanding with his situation and have no interest in taking part in it anymore. I simply replied then maybe for now until his issues and mine improve with therapy we have to keep it separate but I'm not ready to walk away from it yet.


Its just so frustrating!
It can be very frustrating, but your family's reaction (assuming that they aren't wacko) is one way that we learn boundaries and appropriateness. Your family is telling you that this kind of thing, as it stands today, is not acceptable to them. They are allowed to say they aren't taking part anymore, as his behavior apparently was bad enough that they are drawing a line.

You certainly are allowed to enforce your own boundaries as well, but that does not have to include cutting them out of your life, and I would take time with your sister to explain to her what you said here, that for some reason you are not ready to walk away yet, and that you are committed to figuring at least some of it out.

It sounds like you need some loving support through this situation.
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Old 12-26-2015, 08:15 PM
 
11 posts, read 5,900 times
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Thank you so much for your insight. I did reach out her and tell her that we talked a lot about it and we're taking steps to try and help ourselves individually and eventually help each other together and I'm just not ready to end it yet. I said for now it may have to be two separate lives but I haven't changed myself because of him and they shouldn't be meddling in my relationship with him either. I simply said that maybe it will be best to wait for further family interaction with him included until he has gotten help and proper medication he needs to deal with his anxiety.
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Old 12-26-2015, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttownbound627 View Post
Thank you so much for your insight. I did reach out her and tell her that we talked a lot about it and we're taking steps to try and help ourselves individually and eventually help each other together and I'm just not ready to end it yet. I said for now it may have to be two separate lives but I haven't changed myself because of him and they shouldn't be meddling in my relationship with him either. I simply said that maybe it will be best to wait for further family interaction with him included until he has gotten help and proper medication he needs to deal with his anxiety.
Sounds like a plan.

Of course, YOU don't have to stay away from your family.
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Old 12-26-2015, 08:22 PM
 
11 posts, read 5,900 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Sounds like a plan.

Of course, YOU don't have to stay away from your family.
Don't worry I don't think I have a choice haha
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Old 12-28-2015, 11:56 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,891,306 times
Reputation: 8594
Your family is actually not so "great". They are judgmental and don't have much empathy for someone who doesn't act the way they expect him to act.
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:00 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,891,306 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttownbound627 View Post
Don't worry I don't think I have a choice haha
Everyone has a choice on whether or not to interact with family.
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Your family is actually not so "great". They are judgmental and don't have much empathy for someone who doesn't act the way they expect him to act.
That's one way, but not the only way, to look at it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Everyone has a choice on whether or not to interact with family.
Are you suggesting she cut out her family in favor of a guy who she admits has more baggage than a drag queen on a road trip???
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:38 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,891,306 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
That's one way, but not the only way, to look at it.



Are you suggesting she cut out her family in favor of a guy who she admits has more baggage than a drag queen on a road trip???
Not necessarily. However, she does have a choice in the matter. If she decides the family is the one who is making the issue out of this, she is not required to go there.
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Not necessarily. However, she does have a choice in the matter. If she decides the family is the one who is making the issue out of this, she is not required to go there.
It's hard to know if the family is simply reacting to her making "another" bad choice for a mate, or if the family is truly dysfunctional and is causing a lot of the problems.

Either way, OP knows better than we do.
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Old 12-28-2015, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
521 posts, read 519,643 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttownbound627 View Post
My family has a real issue with how introverted he is. He has severe social anxiety and has a hard time being around my family due to the lack of what he had. It came to an all time peak yesterday (Christmas ) and he just made it very apparent he didn't want to be there. This offended my family so much that my sister said she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. This is tearih me apart because I know social anxiety and regular anxiety is a real thing that medically has to be treated. My family has no such issues and doesn't understand it, and they aren't understanding of his situation. They have made it very clear they want me to end it... but I am not ready to walk away. I suggested therapy as a last resort.


I am looking for some insight and advice on this situation... and please no cocky or mean comments. I greatly appreciate it!
Unfortunately you are dating an emotionally unavailable man with deeply rooted issues. He is not going to change. Therapy won't help him but it will help you to understand why you are drawn to emotionally unavailable men in the first place.
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