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Oh my gosh, your "logic" is so twisted. If you leave, then she's going into a nursing home right? Because you have presented that as the only alternative over and over. Then you say you'll threaten to leave? You have ZERO CREDIBILITY.
Hm. I don't think I am. So, if you threaten to leave, will you actually leave? Will you then put your mother in the dreaded nursing home? Or are the threats just empty?
Hm. I don't think I am. So, if you threaten to leave, will you actually leave? Will you then put your mother in the dreaded nursing home? Or are the threats just empty?
Do you see the problem with your little plan yet?
She won't go into a nursing home period! It doesn't matter if we stay or go she's not going into one.
.
Many of us have read your threads here and in the Caregiving subforum.
I'm sorry, reed, but you do make LOTS of excuses. You could fix this but you won't. You do JUST enough to make it look like you're "working on fixing it," but when push comes to shove ... you cave and "let" things happen.
You still need to put your foot down with your mom and explain that her poor behavior is unacceptable. ALSO, talk to the social worker. She is there for the entire family, not just your mom.
I've wore that site out over & over again. As far as the happy pills go I think they gave her some not sure if she's taking them though. She doesn't have to take just whatever they give her she has fought with them before about what she will & won't take. The first time that we met the social worker the three of us talked privately. My wife the social worker & myself we thought we had privacy but mom being her listened in on us. Later that night she went off on us & how were lying about her to the social worker.
So we've given up on that route.
Many of us have read your threads here and in the Caregiving subforum.
I'm sorry, reed, but you do make LOTS of excuses. You could fix this but you won't. You do JUST enough to make it look like you're "working on fixing it," but when push comes to shove ... you cave and "let" things happen.
Here is the real problem no one here is emotional invested in what's going on in this house. Nor can they be because they are using logic. Not emotions for someone who they don't know or care about so it is very easy to assume. I can't post every little thing that has happened by moving down here. This town & it's lack of jobs, if you have ever lived here you would know how bad it is. What my wife & I struggle with day in & day out. How little by little I watch my moms health go down & how much pain she stays in & cries & wishes the pain would stop. How scared she is to be alone. I could go on but those of you who don't understand won't get it & will keep making snide remarks. We did find a local support group that the UU church we've been going to seeing that Hospice can't help us. The first meeting is this coming Wednesday night & we are going. Everything we do really depends on how & if she wakes up the next day. Did she sleep? Was she up all night? Again I could go on here but that's the way life is around here. We can't always just pick up & go out when she's scared to be alone or feeling terrible. What kind of people would we be if we did? So again it's easy to make the rude comments when one isn't invested because they lack the emotion to understand how hard all this is.
Here is the real problem no one here is emotional invested in what's going on in this house. Nor can they be because they are using logic. Not emotions for someone who they don't know or care about so it is very easy to assume. I can't post every little thing that has happened by moving down here. This town & it's lack of jobs, if you have ever lived here you would know how bad it is. What my wife & I struggle with day in & day out. How little by little I watch my moms health go down & how much pain she stays in & cries & wishes the pain would stop. How scared she is to be alone. I could go on but those of you who don't understand won't get it & will keep making snide remarks. We did find a local support group that the UU church we've been going to seeing that Hospice can't help us. The first meeting is this coming Wednesday night & we are going. Everything we do really depends on how & if she wakes up the next day. Did she sleep? Was she up all night? Again I could go on here but that's the way life is around here. We can't always just pick up & go out when she's scared to be alone or feeling terrible. What kind of people would we be if we did? So again it's easy to make the rude comments when one isn't invested because they lack the emotion to understand how hard all this is.
So you think none of us has been through anything like this before??
Stop saying "assume." WE GET IT. We aren't making "rude comments." We're using straight talk in order to get through to you.
This is the time when you have to separate the logical side of you from the emotional side and GET OFF THE POT.
You are not equipped to care for your mom, and it is ruining your life.
You are not equipped to care for your mom, and it is ruining your life.
This. You have OPTIONS.
Go home. Get your jobs back. Take care of your marriage.
Is this the 3rd or 4th time you have moved back to mom's when your life wasn't working out? Now you have a wife--the thing you wanted so badly, and you are risking it all to dote on a woman who treats both of you like crap and always has.
That's so cruel and spiteful Jasper. Op, spend time with your mom, she will be gone soon and you'lol never get another one. Unlike your wife.
That is so wrong. I would never advise anyone to put their spouse second to a sick parent. I mean certainly there are times where priorities have to shift, at critical moments. But overall, the marriage should be the top priority.
This is the time when you have to separate the logical side of you from the emotional side and GET OFF THE POT.
You are not equipped to care for your mom, and it is ruining your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
This. You have OPTIONS.
Go home. Get your jobs back. Take care of your marriage.
Is this the 3rd or 4th time you have moved back to mom's when your life wasn't working out? Now you have a wife--the thing you wanted so badly, and you are risking it all to dote on a woman who treats both of you like crap and always has.
THAT^^. It's beyond belief that the OP keeps posting about this situation, but just refuses to comprehend what everyone here is telling him. GO HOME.
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I mean certainly there are times where priorities have to shift, at critical moments. But overall, the marriage should be the top priority.
