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So, in conclusion, nobody's ever had to temper themselves down about feeling jealous before. People that are jealous have something wrong and I should outsource the problem to a doctor that she doesn't want to see.
Thanks.
I've had to temper my jealousy before. In the past I was a jealous person. In fact, I always had been, since I was a child and didn't like sharing my friends with others. And I don't have past trauma in my life to warrant that. I just was jealous. I didn't like my boyfriends having close female friends. And I didn't like them hanging out alone. Yet at the same time I trusted them and didn't think they would try anything.
It wasn't about trust for me. It was about my fear that they would get close to another girl and decide she's better and leave me. It was about my own insecurity.
I realized as I got older that jealousy is completely useless. It doesn't actually stop anyone from cheating. Cheaters will cheat no matter what you do. So I decided I wouldn't date someone I couldn't trust and if they cheated on me I'd probably find out anyway, and at LEAST if everything fell apart I'd get to leave the relationship with dignity.
I doubt you can really tell your wife "hey jealousy isn't going to work since if I cheat I'll do it regardless." But, she does have a deep-seated issue. I didn't like my boyfriends having close female friends but she doesn't even like it if you're alone with a woman or interact with them?
Take it from a naturally jealous person that the feeling is entirely internal. It actually has nothing to do with you and likely nothing to do with trust. It's fear and it's fear stemming from her own opinion of herself and her belief of her self-worth or lack thereof.
So, in conclusion, nobody's ever had to temper themselves down about feeling jealous before. People that are jealous have something wrong and I should outsource the problem to a doctor that she doesn't want to see.
Thanks.
Oh, stop.
What did you expect us to say, tell her to count to 10???
What you are dealing with is beyond jealousy. It's a big problem that takes extra help. Sorry if you don't like that answer.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snort
What does that mean?
You know it's rough being a child bride smuggled into the state's or ordered online. I'm just joking, but.....
I'm with the earlier posters. When I have experienced extreme jealousy and accusations of infidelity it has always ended up being from the guilty party instead. It's true to the cliche. The things they blame you for are the things they are doing themselves. Biggest case of transference I've ever seen.
So, in conclusion, nobody's ever had to temper themselves down about feeling jealous before. People that are jealous have something wrong and I should outsource the problem to a doctor that she doesn't want to see.
Thanks.
You aren't going to fix that level of jealousy in another....it just won't work....for every promise you make to make her feel better...she's gonna come up with two more reasons to be jealous...including that you are being so kind to her because she does have something to worry about.
It's irrational and illogical. Ask her why she doesn't want to get help....
Thanks for the suggestion Rego and some of the others who had some reasonable responses. I'm also happy to have gotten some suggestions from those that wrote privately so they aren't ridiculed by some of the trollish aspects on the board here.
Thanks for the suggestion Rego and some of the others who had some reasonable responses. I'm also happy to have gotten some suggestions from those that wrote privately so they aren't ridiculed by some of the trollish aspects on the board here.
Part of the problem is this ^^^ mentality that allows you to tell yourself that people who disagree with your methods are "trolls" or somehow wrong or unreasonable.
A troll is a very specific thing. No one here has trolled you. Some people have given you very direct advice that makes you uncomfortable, and it's somewhat typical to lash out when you are uncomfortable.
But to write off good advice because it makes you accountable is irresponsible. And it won't help you.
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