Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP... drop the kids off a friend/relative's house and confront him. Keep a pepper spray on hand just in case he tries anything... I feel like he could potentially be abusive, if not already, from the way you described him. Are you able to support yourself and kids without your husband? What's your financial situation?
I honestly don't know how you can salvage this marriage.. cheating is unacceptable in my books and what he is doing is cheating, simple as that. You are only describing what you've seen through a few minutes of snopping, there may be much more to it.
OP... drop the kids off a friend/relative's house and confront him. Keep a pepper spray on hand just in case he tries anything... I feel like he could potentially be abusive, if not already, from the way you described him. Are you able to support yourself and kids without your husband? What's your financial situation?
I don't have friends or family in the US, only his side of the family. I assume they wouldn't like to be part of all that. As for now I'm completely depended on him, cause I can't work with the kids. Plus I'm only a legal resident, not an US citizen. I can't even leave the country with my kids without having his permission.
You have no right to snoop through your husband's texts and emails. How would you like it if he did that to you? You sound like the controlling and jealous type. An indicator of personal growth and maturity is being able to respect others' boundaries and privacy. The concept of monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic - especially for men. You are asking a lot of a man to deny his true nature. Does he treat you well? Is he a good husband and father? If his alleged cheating bothers you so much, stop snooping through his phone.
She had every right to be alarmed and look through his emails and messages! If he didn't have anything to hide, he would hand over his phone, let her have all his passcodes, etc. I have nothing to hide and wouldn't care at all if my husband went through my personal communications. He doesn't because clearly Ihave nothing to hide and am transparent. They are married, with kids. If he isn't being transparent, she has every right to check into what he is up to. Its about not only holding him to his word, but also keeping her and her kids safe.
Your post reads like someone who likes to cheat and not get caught. All deflection and projection.
Don't listen to people like this, OP. You did the right thing.
I don't have friends or family in the US, only his side of the family. I assume they wouldn't like to be part of all that. As for now I'm completely depended on him, cause I can't work with the kids. Plus I'm only a legal resident, not an US citizen. I can't even leave the country with my kids without having his permission.
Can you contact your local country of origin embassy and see if they have any resources to help you? Sadly, I think a man like this depends on having his wife be helpless and dependent. Its a rough situation.
This is a hard situation. Since you married US citizen you can apply for citizenship after only 3 after becoming legal resident. Since you have been married for 4 years it looks like you met that requirement. I would get citizenship thing going ASAP. Takes about 6 months to get. Are you considering going back to your home country? Don't leave the country without your kids since judge will give him temporary custody and it can be a mess. Do your kids even have citizenship of your birth country?
This is a hard situation. Since you married US citizen you can apply for citizenship after only 3 after becoming legal resident. Since you have been married for 4 years it looks like you met that requirement. I would get citizenship thing going ASAP. Takes about 6 months to get. Are you considering going back to your home country? Don't leave the country without your kids since judge will give him temporary custody and it can be a mess. Do your kids even have citizenship of your birth country?
I have to had the "Greencard" for 3 years, it doesn't count how long we were married before. We lived in my homecountry and it's still 2 years before I can apply for US-citizenship. Yes, the kids have the dual citizenship.
Your post reads like someone who likes to cheat and not get caught. All deflection and projection.
Don't listen to people like this, OP. You did the right thing.
On the contrary, I have never cheated a day in my life. But I do understand human nature. Monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic. That explains why the divorce rate is over 60% in the U.S.
You have his friend's number, now, correct? They are texting and you saw her phone number. Instead of confronting your husband directly, either call her directly, or text her and very calmly ask her to back off. Ask her to pursue a different guy. Keep the conversation short and end the conversation before she is over the shock of you calling. Explain that you have 2 kids, etc. and you are going through a difficult time. I bet she breaks it off with him and she may not tell him why.
You then work on your relationship with him. You both probably know where the trouble spots are. If she tells him about the conversation with you (she might not tell him), then he may confront you about it and try to explain, but possibly he won't. If you confront him directly, he will go on the defense and that will go the wrong direction fast. He will still would be in control of the information the other female receives. First, you want her to back off. Second, you want to save the relationship in a very delicate fashion. You don't need to tell him you touched base with her unless he ask you and he is going to be real uncomfortable about doing that. You need to reel him back in as there is something missing in the relationship. You may know what it is and can probably initiate a resolution.
He's not a Prince Charming, or very good father and husband. He's controlling, accusing me of cheating several times a day, he's choleric and a short tempered macho. Doesn't appreciate all the work I do and not respectful or very loving. I think I accepted more than many women would. But this affair thing is just too much to ignore.
Mirabell, my heart goes out to you and your children.
On the contrary, I have never cheated a day in my life. But I do understand human nature. Monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic. That explains why the divorce rate is over 60% in the U.S.
The problem may no be monogamy exactly, so much as being monogamous with the wrong person. Some people rush and get married within 3 months of knowing people, or some who decide to get married just because they have a baby together.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
