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If I email 30 men on OLD, maybe two of them will respond but conversation dies out quickly. The guy I met in December, I went out with largely because he's the only one in 6 months who sent me a message that was grammatically correct and indicated he'd actually read my profile.
I get maybe 5 messages a month OL. The last exchange I had went like this, which is typical of how my interactions OL go:
Him: "hi how are you?"
Me: "I'm fine thank you. How are you?"
Him: "doing good sun feels good"
I do notice that some women expect men to be entertainers. To carry all the conversations. Not that you are that type of woman. But I do wonder what factors create that expectation. If we don't keep them entertained every moment, it grinds to a halt.
On the other hand, this has worked out well when it's not working. Rather than having to break up or cut ties formally, you can just stop being the entertainer or conversation carrier and it'll die on its own easy enough.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by svendrell
I do notice that some women expect men to be entertainers. To carry all the conversations. Not that you are that type of woman. But I do wonder what factors create that expectation. If we don't keep them entertained every moment, it grinds to a halt.
On the other hand, this has worked out well when it's not working. Rather than having to break up or cut ties formally, you can just stop being the entertainer or conversation carrier and it'll die on its own easy enough.
You know, I haven't thought much about it, but I think you're right on that, unfortunately. It's often the case I find that I have to carry the conversation, plan many of the activities, make the decisions, etc. If I don't, it rarely gets done and things just die.
The only thing going good for me is that I have a good career. I am going to be buying a new house after this winter. The projects I plan to do with the new place and things that I want to buy to make my house look. Awesome are making me happy. I like coming up with new ideas as to what I will do with the new place. Plus I am going on vacation to Cozunel in the first week of February. So as relationship and to have a family, is my life over for that since I see younger people and people my age already settling down? Is it too late? How about all the plans I am planning to do? Should I just forget about it?
Her last ditch effort to get your attention and possibly have you beg her to marry YOU. Trust me on that one.
Too late?! Heck, no! You have an advantage in almost every way! Even at forty, you can easily produce offspring, etc. I could go on and on with all that you've got going for you. Time to look at the full glass you do have: good health, fertility, options, job, etc., etc.
I do notice that some women expect men to be entertainers. To carry all the conversations. Not that you are that type of woman. But I do wonder what factors create that expectation. If we don't keep them entertained every moment, it grinds to a halt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
You know, I haven't thought much about it, but I think you're right on that, unfortunately. It's often the case I find that I have to carry the conversation, plan many of the activities, make the decisions, etc. If I don't, it rarely gets done and things just die.
I do agree that in the early stages of dating, it is (stereo)typically up to the guy to get the ball rolling, so to speak. I organize events for a couple of Meetup groups and am always organizing get togethers among friends so I do tend to take charge in that respect in terms of suggesting when and where to meet as it's just ingrained in me.
My (male) best friend loves it! He relies on me to be our event planner as he recognizes that is my strength. But I think I may have offended a couple of dates that way. I had one I was talking to on OKC. Great conversation, said he'd love to meet. So I suggested a date and time. He responded by disappearing. Came back, started conversation again, again suggested we meet. This time I let him know when I had some free time but didn't push. He responded by disabling his profile.
When it comes to conversation online, I respond to what I'm given. So if all I'm given is "hi how are you" all I give back is "I'm fine, thank you. How are you." If all I get from that is "fine" I'm not going to search out a conversation topic with someone who is indicating they really are not that interested.
It's funny to me to see all the comments on here of "ask her/him out in the first few emails." 99% of my exchanges have either died out by the 3rd email or haven't gotten past the point of exchanging pleasantries!
And I do have to say a man who can't make a simple decision drives me nuts - and not in the good way!
You know, I haven't thought much about it, but I think you're right on that, unfortunately. It's often the case I find that I have to carry the conversation, plan many of the activities, make the decisions, etc. If I don't, it rarely gets done and things just die.
Just popping in to second/third this sentiment. Makes it surprisingly easy to end things, though!
Just popping in to second/third this sentiment. Makes it surprisingly easy to end things, though!
The PUA culture has really been a blessing in disguise. Them constantly telling women what they want to hear and entertaining them does make it easier to end things. We just stop trying and let some other guy step in and take them off our hands.
You know, I haven't thought much about it, but I think you're right on that, unfortunately. It's often the case I find that I have to carry the conversation, plan many of the activities, make the decisions, etc. If I don't, it rarely gets done and things just die.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Just popping in to second/third this sentiment. Makes it surprisingly easy to end things, though!
Quote:
Originally Posted by svendrell
The PUA culture has really been a blessing in disguise. Them constantly telling women what they want to hear and entertaining them does make it easier to end things. We just stop trying and let some other guy step in and take them off our hands.
So basically you guys are drawn to passive women and then later hold their passivity against them?
So basically you guys are drawn to passive women and then later hold their passivity against them?
I don't know about held against them. I'd call it more a benefit of the position.
If she was okay with me putting in all the effort while being courted, she should be okay with me taking away all the effort (if the time comes). Her benefit is that she can sit back and enjoy the guy's hard work. Each position has it's benefits.
If she's putting work into the relationship or dating period, then it's different altogether.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
So basically you guys are drawn to passive women and then later hold their passivity against them?
I'm not drawn to passive women and I never said nor implied I held anything against any of them.
But thanks for specious speculation.
It's just part of being a guy. I need to make things happen if I want them to happen. If I don't make them happen, they don't happen. That isn't something I hold against anyone.
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