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I've never had a bad relationship with great sex. Typically it's something that goes hand in hand, at least in long term relationships. Now I've had great sex with someone that triggered a relationship, which fizzled because of other factors. However, it should be noted that even that great sex wasn't worth dealing with it. And for whatever reasons, the desire to put out the effort would die out, as the relationship deteriorated.
Not necessarily. Some people are just very non-sexual, or have a "take it or leave it" attitude. Sometimes in those cases, no matter how "good" their partner is, they just won't be able to "keep up", if that makes sense.
Those that I've encountered who consider themselves to be non-sexual, take-it-or-leave-it, are those that have yet to experience a thrilling, transformational, being-sent-to-outer-space type of sexual experience.
Perhaps they've experienced a string of ho-hum, disappointing sexual experiences, and have concluded that's they way it's going to be ad infinitum!
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I "went to outer space", sexually, early on in my life, and the addiction will be always with me.
And, to think, after my first half-dozen sexual experiences, I was singing Peggy Lee's: Is that all there is?
Sex isn't more important, but it is important. If I'm not getting what I want, I'll seek it elsewhere. I'm not putting so much in to a relationship, and not getting one of the things I should be.
What if one partner is trying but it's not working, no matter how hard the person tries and no matter what the person does the other person is just unhappy with the results.
If this is the case, then you don't have a very good relationship, IMHO. If someone loves you, then this wouldn't even happen. Then I'd have to wonder what the motivation was for the unwilling partner to even be in the relationship. Let's take another example. Lets say a husband is unhappy because his wife has gained a lot of weight. He complains and she looses 1/2 of the weight she gained, but just can't get the rest off. But He's still not happy. I'd have to wonder about the maturity and expectations of the husband. Did he really expect her to never change, age or gain weight after years together and maybe a couple of children?. That would be downright crazy and incredibly immature. But there are crazy people in the world. You may have one there OP.
So the last time I pressed to talk about this issue, my wife had a panic attack. It got worse (she basically withdrew from the conversation) when I suggested that she contact a psychiatrist that can give her a second opinion and monitor her. OB/GYN keeps renewing her medications since we had our twins more than 3 years ago! I couldn't convince her that although her OB/GYN did an excellent job delivering our babies, he is ill-equipped to have her on the medications he has her on for the long term.
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I only say this because people here tend to make black and white assumptions when in reality, when you actually live it... it is very complex shade of grey.
So my sex life is bad (sexless), shall I simply abandon my marriage of 15 years, a person I've known for around 20, who is an excellent mother of my 3 children, simply because "something is wrong" and I am struggling to find a solution? I do think sex is very important in a relationship, but the most important? Don't think so....
If you ask me what is the most important aspect in a relationship is one in which a couple is going to give it a 100% before giving up on it. That means working together.... and helping each other through tough times.... and celebrating times of joy/happiness
1. A sexless marriage is certainly justification for divorce. You'll have to decide for yourself what are your priorities. Not a bunch of people on the internet. Lots of people do stay for the good of the children, and the children do benefit from this kind of love and sacrifice on their behalf.
But your problem is that the wife is not putting in her share of the effort, and that's a common problem for today. ITs no wonder a whole lot of men and women are giving up on marriage in fear of being trapped in a situation such as yours.
The subject of this thread is one reason I don't like monogamy, insofar as my own life choices are concerned. Does that mean I'll never have another relationship where it's just me and one man? Not at all. I could be monogamous in that fashion. But there must, in my future relationships, be the known and accepted clause that so long as there is honesty, we both have the right to be with others.
If I am with someone and we love one another dearly but one of us suffers some kind of medical problem at some point that makes sex impossible, unbearable, or unenjoyable, then the other partner should not have to suffer the loss of sex from their life. If we have this sort of understanding, then that need not occur. Also, I recently realized that if my man knows that because of this agreement, I feel safe telling him the truth if I'm considering relations with another person, then they don't need to be paranoid or insecure that I might be doing something behind their back. Because they KNOW that if I were going to do anything at all, I'd just tell them!
I have had a bad relationship with good sex (from my perspective.) Unfortunately, the badness of the relationship made me stop wanting the sex even though it WAS good. Which led to the sex becoming bad. You can overcome or work around problems that are just bad sex and nothing else. You cannot work around a bad relationship.
However, if I met a man and the sex were MIND BLOWINGLY GOOD (this happened, too) but his personality was difficult and not conducive to a good relationship, I'd bend and compromise myself quite a lot more to try and make it work out, to keep the great sex coming...but that guy was really uncommonly good in some specific ways that really appealed to me.
This is sort of like saying that gas is the most important thing to a car because it can't run with out gas. Well, it also can't run with out an engine. Or tires. Or lots of other things. The same thing with a relationship. For a wonderful, healthy, successful relationship - there isn't just one most important aspect - there are a lot of "most" important aspects.
The best relationships have great chemistry and compatibility in all areas. The complete package if you will.
A relationship that is lacking in any area in regards to what is expected is ultimately not going to be satisfying no matter the particular area we are talking about.
You can overcome or work around problems that are just bad sex and nothing else. You cannot work around a bad relationship.
Are you sure that is true? Sometimes bad sex cannot be improved because two people have vastly differing libidos, techniques or attitudes about sex. Sometimes bad relationships turn around. Not that black and white I guess. But the lack of good sex can create a bad relationship but a bad relationship usually cannot ruin good sex.
I have heard far too many stories about people in otherwise great relationships drawn to the brink of divorce solely because the sex wasn't good.
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It got worse (she basically withdrew from the conversation) when I suggested that she contact a psychiatrist that can give her a second opinion and monitor her. OB/GYN keeps renewing her medications since we had our twins more than 3 years ago! 
I couldn't convince her that although her OB/GYN did an excellent job delivering our babies, he is ill-equipped to have her on the medications he has her on for the long term.
