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Made you less prone to casually approach (some?) women
The fact I'm expected to pay for a date is of course is going to make me EXTREMELY selective on who I am going to dedicate my energy to in regards to dating. People on this forum want me to give every girl who gives me any interest a chance and take them out. Hello?! I don't have unlimited funds.
No one does, except maybe the people who won yesterday's PowerBall. That's besides the point. The idea is to work with what you've got. No one is expecting a lavish meal at 1789 for a first date. And there are so many things to do in D.C. that a first date can cost next to nothing yet seem pretty high-end if you plan it right. Doesn't have to include dinner.
No I get the idea mate , and agree with the " friends " part and I expect the whip round
But a date is different for me, I've been asked out before and had them say " oh but I asked you out " sort of thing but I still insist on paying mate and it's always gone down well.
I know some people won't agree or do it but for better or worse that's me and I've never gone wrong by doing it.
I agree, I was just talking the manners part should be obvious to everyone, not you specifically I was talking to. Just in general.
How about going for ice cream. Its cheap and awesome! Or going to the zoo doesnt cost much. Or having a picnic.
Plus if a girl really likes you she wi want to spend time with you any way she can me and my ex just hang out in his car. As long as you are together she wont care
1. I've been on a two weddings while living in America. .
Good for you. I've been to a lot more than that, and been in wedding parties, and been married in America, and believe me, no one "paid for their seat" at my wedding. That's not done or expected South of Mason-Dixon, where hosts understand they are hosts. Our catering cost about $90 a plate and we got gifts like $40 spice racks. We did not complain, because it was our choice to serve the food we served. In the New York area, people tend to give copious amounts of cash not to pay for their seat, but because it's tradition with the intent of the couple putting it toward a down payment on a home, and what goes around comes around.
The rest of your post is all your theory, which is based on your rather limited experience, none of which applies to me, as evidenced by the fact that I just don't have the problems forming relationships that you and the others who complain about dating in America seem to have. You all would be wise to listen to me, and the others here like me who have done the things you wish to do, and had or have the things you wish to have. But I'm not so naive as to think that will happen.
Again, not sure what kind of barn-raised people you know, but that's just not my world, and I'm glad of it.
Men paying for dates is simply a custom. It developed at a time when men were almost always older and economically and socially better established than women they courted and married. It was a sign of that power imbalance. Now it's a holdover that is pretty harmless, but still an anachronism. Younger single women typically make as much as the men they date, are quite capable of fending for themselves, and don't need a man to be thought useful or successful.
Regarding who asks, that's also a custom. In my experience and based on observing others socially for 40+ years, people get to the point of dating based on a mutual exchange of signs of interest. The man asks because that's customary, but it could just as easily be the woman who asks in most cases. Tying who pays to who asks when asking is also expected of men is really circular as an argument.
These customs developed because it was thought proper, at a time when it was proper that women didn't work, hold office, get a thorough education, or speak to men unless spoken to. Those were also customs, but they've changed.
Aside from this being customary, and a sign of good manners based on our local etiquette experts, would the world tumble off its axis if this custom ended or was amended in some way? I mean, you'd think there was a lot at stake here.
Edit: I paid for most dates I went on. All of the first dates. I wasn't bitter about it and I'm not now. Individual couples ideally work these things out. It kind of sucks though that some people are so intent on maintaining this one vestige of mid 20th century social behavior that they preemptively insult (barn references) those who hold, or at least offer for consideration another viewpoint. I was raised to see that as poor manners, as well as intellectually lazy, and I'm glad of that.
Personally I don't care for that old fashioned traditional thing.
I don't like "special treatment," it's makes me feel uncomfortable because I've dealt with guys who put me on a pedestal and treat me like some perfect princess. It makes me feel like I can't be my goofy self. Also, it's annoying.
As for the whole "who pays on dates thing," I'm a grown woman with a job. Even if he DOES ask me out on a date, I'd still want to pay for my own food (I want to order as much as I want, I'm greedy lol) and it just makes me feel odd. Honestly, the whole argument and borderline obsession with who pays is really petty in my eyes.
If you don't like to pay then don't ask for the date or ask to go dutch. It's not that serious.
How about going for ice cream. Its cheap and awesome! Or going to the zoo doesnt cost much. Or having a picnic.
Plus if a girl really likes you she wi want to spend time with you any way she can me and my ex just hang out in his car. As long as you are together she wont care
Well if it was in the back seat I'm not surprised.......
Nope good pointers however unless your broke or have a few issues if honest I can't believe a lot of people actually look and worry about the expense of it
What happened to " oh what the hell lets just go out and enjoy ourselves " ?
Aside from this being customary, and a sign of good manners based on our local etiquette experts, would the world tumble off its axis if this custom ended or was amended in some way? I mean, you'd think there was a lot at stake here.
Maybe it will happen when the rest of male-female relationships in the U.S. are equal. As long as we have a bunch of men doing everything from carrying a double standard to trying to force women to bear children they don't want, ain't gonna happen. If you look at countries where dating is such that everyone pays for themselves, those are the most socially progressive countries where it would strike a man as patently absurd to natter on about "sexual market value" or think he had any right whatsoever to try to outlaw abortion. These are also countries where religion has no place, or voice, in government, with a high percentage of atheists and irreligious people.
If men want the benefits of social progress, then they need to step up and try to make it happen. Otherwise, no complaining. You don't get to sit around judging women over "numbers" and screech about what women do with their own bodies and then want the financial benefits of an enlightened society, up to and including dutch dating as customary.
Last edited by JasperJade; 01-14-2016 at 07:06 PM..
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me and my ex just hang out in his car. As long as you are together she wont care 
