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Old 01-16-2016, 05:14 AM
 
185 posts, read 241,260 times
Reputation: 542

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
Getting straight to the point is not hostile, some of us can see the real issue here and we are addressing those facts now whether the OP wants to take the constructive criticism is on him but no one is attacking the OP personally. He has a history of this behavior and it needs to stop period or things are not going to turn for the good for him.


This is a perfect example of how guys end up with sexual harassment suits and restraining orders because they don't want to accept rejection and understand not everyone they're interested in is going to be interested in them and there's nothing they can do to change that. OPs behavior can lead to bigger problems & issues if he doesn't get control over his emotions especially since he's approaching women in the work place.


If OP would stop trying to persuade women to be interested in him he'd stop having these issues. Either a woman is interested or she's not and if she's not move on and stop thinking it's something you can do to change her mind. OP is the classic case of the "nice guy" that thinks being nice and trying to be everything she wants him to be will make her want him when the reality is it doesn't. It's also why some men become resentful and bitter because they think being the "nice guy" will absolve them from rejection when it doesn't.
I agree with everything you said, maybe I mistook it as an aggressive tone since it was "right to the point". It just seemed like people were beating up on the OP even after he said he realized his actions and way of thinking were wrong.
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Old 01-16-2016, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Land of Wind & Ghosts - Florida
98 posts, read 72,583 times
Reputation: 88
Time heals all wounds. There is just no way around it, it will take some time to get over. If you are still working with her, you might not ever get over it until you quit.

Don't poop where you eat.
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Old 01-16-2016, 09:20 AM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,762,264 times
Reputation: 3176
OP:

Unrequited love can be defined as a longing for closeness to someone who does not feel the same, and causes you pain. That is not love. If you could not be happy without them or you cannot be happy without them being happy, that is not love. Love does not make any demands and brings only joy.

You need to distance yourself from the entire situation so you can begin to move on.

You may have to find another job.
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Old 01-19-2016, 01:52 PM
 
12,823 posts, read 24,342,669 times
Reputation: 11041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond Stereo View Post
I've shared various chapters of this "novel" on this board in this past, so here's the abbreviated version as I'm looking to close the book on this for good:

- Befriended a girl at work (small non-profit), became deeply infatuated with her as I got to know and spend time with her.

- Months of infatuation culminated in an after-dinner date, which went really well until I misread her intentions and bungled things up towards the end.

- Was rejected by her shortly afterwards, partly because of my mistake and because she ultimately didn't feel for me romantically. We maintained a friendship, but I was devastated and guilt-stricken in private.

- There's a mutual friend/co-worker of ours who similarly felt for and pursued her during this time, albeit more outwardly. It developed into an unspoken, awkward love triangle, where all of the parties involved were aware of each other's feelings/intentions, but never spoke up about it.

- Some time after the date she gradually stopped contacting and hanging out with me like she used to, and started spending more time with him. Won't lie, I felt extremely hurt and jealous over being faded in favor of him. I also beat myself up over it as I felt there was something wrong or inferior about me that led to this fade. All of these emotions got the best of me and prompted me to act cold/indifferent towards her, which made things awkward and tense.

- We reconciled somewhat a couple of months later, though neither of us were totally honest with each other (about the love triangle and our feelings) as we didn't want to go there. I did it for the sake of peace at the workplace and the circle of friends/co-workers which we're both a part of.

- Last month at a b-day dinner for one of our former co-workers, I sat next to the both of them and caught them being touchy-feely under the table. Much as I'd feared all along, she moved on and is dating him in private. It broke my heart.

- I went cold on her again, as it's gotten to the point where it hurts seeing them together in and out of the workplace. Things are once again awkward between me and her, but I've otherwise been cool with our mutual friend throughout all of this.

So yeah...I fell HARD and hurt even HARDER when things didn't work out and when she moved on to someone within the same circle.

I've also felt like a scumbag for losing my cool and acting like a moody dick, as they've both genuinely good people that have largely been warm, patient and friendly towards me despite their secret relationship. It's not the kind of person that I am; I've been acting out of hurt because I've felt wronged and don't know how to cope.

To my credit I've tried my damnedest to move on in the months after that date; went on dates, had a hookup or two. They reminded me that I'm date-able and have redeeming qualities, things which I'd lost sight of. But I don't think I can truly move on until I come to terms with this.

Too much time, energy and happiness spent over this...I promised myself going into 2016 that I'd let go of this hurt and anger towards them, forgive myself and make things right, somehow. But I'm stuck in a hole that I've dug myself into, and don't know how to get out.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
How can you call it a love triangle when there was never any love to begin with in the third leg of the supposed triangle?

You are stuck in analysis paralysis, time to move on.
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Old 01-19-2016, 03:58 PM
 
6,822 posts, read 6,616,799 times
Reputation: 3769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond Stereo View Post
I've shared various chapters of this "novel" on this board in this past, so here's the abbreviated version as I'm looking to close the book on this for good:

- Befriended a girl at work (small non-profit), became deeply infatuated with her as I got to know and spend time with her.

- Months of infatuation culminated in an after-dinner date, which went really well until I misread her intentions and bungled things up towards the end.

- Was rejected by her shortly afterwards, partly because of my mistake and because she ultimately didn't feel for me romantically. We maintained a friendship, but I was devastated and guilt-stricken in private.

- There's a mutual friend/co-worker of ours who similarly felt for and pursued her during this time, albeit more outwardly. It developed into an unspoken, awkward love triangle, where all of the parties involved were aware of each other's feelings/intentions, but never spoke up about it.

- Some time after the date she gradually stopped contacting and hanging out with me like she used to, and started spending more time with him. Won't lie, I felt extremely hurt and jealous over being faded in favor of him. I also beat myself up over it as I felt there was something wrong or inferior about me that led to this fade. All of these emotions got the best of me and prompted me to act cold/indifferent towards her, which made things awkward and tense.

- We reconciled somewhat a couple of months later, though neither of us were totally honest with each other (about the love triangle and our feelings) as we didn't want to go there. I did it for the sake of peace at the workplace and the circle of friends/co-workers which we're both a part of.

- Last month at a b-day dinner for one of our former co-workers, I sat next to the both of them and caught them being touchy-feely under the table. Much as I'd feared all along, she moved on and is dating him in private. It broke my heart.

- I went cold on her again, as it's gotten to the point where it hurts seeing them together in and out of the workplace. Things are once again awkward between me and her, but I've otherwise been cool with our mutual friend throughout all of this.

So yeah...I fell HARD and hurt even HARDER when things didn't work out and when she moved on to someone within the same circle.

I've also felt like a scumbag for losing my cool and acting like a moody dick, as they've both genuinely good people that have largely been warm, patient and friendly towards me despite their secret relationship. It's not the kind of person that I am; I've been acting out of hurt because I've felt wronged and don't know how to cope.

To my credit I've tried my damnedest to move on in the months after that date; went on dates, had a hookup or two. They reminded me that I'm date-able and have redeeming qualities, things which I'd lost sight of. But I don't think I can truly move on until I come to terms with this.

Too much time, energy and happiness spent over this...I promised myself going into 2016 that I'd let go of this hurt and anger towards them, forgive myself and make things right, somehow. But I'm stuck in a hole that I've dug myself into, and don't know how to get out.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Snap out of it and move on.




Chances are she isn't all that you hyped her up to be in your mind. Start fishing and leave this all behind.
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Old 01-19-2016, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,698,052 times
Reputation: 4619
Default Bad bad bad ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond Stereo View Post
I've shared various chapters of this "novel" on this board in this past, so here's the abbreviated version as I'm looking to close the book on this for good:

- Befriended a girl at work (small non-profit), became deeply infatuated with her as I got to know and spend time with her.

- Months of infatuation culminated in an after-dinner date, which went really well until I misread her intentions and bungled things up towards the end.

- Was rejected by her shortly afterwards, partly because of my mistake and because she ultimately didn't feel for me romantically. We maintained a friendship, but I was devastated and guilt-stricken in private.

- There's a mutual friend/co-worker of ours who similarly felt for and pursued her during this time, albeit more outwardly. It developed into an unspoken, awkward love triangle, where all of the parties involved were aware of each other's feelings/intentions, but never spoke up about it.

- Some time after the date she gradually stopped contacting and hanging out with me like she used to, and started spending more time with him. Won't lie, I felt extremely hurt and jealous over being faded in favor of him. I also beat myself up over it as I felt there was something wrong or inferior about me that led to this fade. All of these emotions got the best of me and prompted me to act cold/indifferent towards her, which made things awkward and tense.

- We reconciled somewhat a couple of months later, though neither of us were totally honest with each other (about the love triangle and our feelings) as we didn't want to go there. I did it for the sake of peace at the workplace and the circle of friends/co-workers which we're both a part of.

- Last month at a b-day dinner for one of our former co-workers, I sat next to the both of them and caught them being touchy-feely under the table. Much as I'd feared all along, she moved on and is dating him in private. It broke my heart.

- I went cold on her again, as it's gotten to the point where it hurts seeing them together in and out of the workplace. Things are once again awkward between me and her, but I've otherwise been cool with our mutual friend throughout all of this.

So yeah...I fell HARD and hurt even HARDER when things didn't work out and when she moved on to someone within the same circle.

I've also felt like a scumbag for losing my cool and acting like a moody dick, as they've both genuinely good people that have largely been warm, patient and friendly towards me despite their secret relationship. It's not the kind of person that I am; I've been acting out of hurt because I've felt wronged and don't know how to cope.

To my credit I've tried my damnedest to move on in the months after that date; went on dates, had a hookup or two. They reminded me that I'm date-able and have redeeming qualities, things which I'd lost sight of. But I don't think I can truly move on until I come to terms with this.

Too much time, energy and happiness spent over this...I promised myself going into 2016 that I'd let go of this hurt and anger towards them, forgive myself and make things right, somehow. But I'm stuck in a hole that I've dug myself into, and don't know how to get out.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
This is why you dont mix business with pleasure. NEVER date or get involved with people at work. Such a stupid idea. Leave them alone. He is in .. your out. Find someone else and dont wait around or dwell on it. It is not worth your time.
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Old 01-20-2016, 01:58 PM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond Stereo View Post
I've shared various chapters of this "novel" on this board in this past, so here's the abbreviated version as I'm looking to close the book on this for good:

- Befriended a girl at work (small non-profit), became deeply infatuated with her as I got to know and spend time with her.

- Months of infatuation culminated in an after-dinner date, which went really well until I misread her intentions and bungled things up towards the end.

- Was rejected by her shortly afterwards, partly because of my mistake and because she ultimately didn't feel for me romantically. We maintained a friendship, but I was devastated and guilt-stricken in private.

- There's a mutual friend/co-worker of ours who similarly felt for and pursued her during this time, albeit more outwardly. It developed into an unspoken, awkward love triangle, where all of the parties involved were aware of each other's feelings/intentions, but never spoke up about it.

- Some time after the date she gradually stopped contacting and hanging out with me like she used to, and started spending more time with him. Won't lie, I felt extremely hurt and jealous over being faded in favor of him. I also beat myself up over it as I felt there was something wrong or inferior about me that led to this fade. All of these emotions got the best of me and prompted me to act cold/indifferent towards her, which made things awkward and tense.

- We reconciled somewhat a couple of months later, though neither of us were totally honest with each other (about the love triangle and our feelings) as we didn't want to go there. I did it for the sake of peace at the workplace and the circle of friends/co-workers which we're both a part of.

- Last month at a b-day dinner for one of our former co-workers, I sat next to the both of them and caught them being touchy-feely under the table. Much as I'd feared all along, she moved on and is dating him in private. It broke my heart.

- I went cold on her again, as it's gotten to the point where it hurts seeing them together in and out of the workplace. Things are once again awkward between me and her, but I've otherwise been cool with our mutual friend throughout all of this.

So yeah...I fell HARD and hurt even HARDER when things didn't work out and when she moved on to someone within the same circle.

I've also felt like a scumbag for losing my cool and acting like a moody dick, as they've both genuinely good people that have largely been warm, patient and friendly towards me despite their secret relationship. It's not the kind of person that I am; I've been acting out of hurt because I've felt wronged and don't know how to cope.

To my credit I've tried my damnedest to move on in the months after that date; went on dates, had a hookup or two. They reminded me that I'm date-able and have redeeming qualities, things which I'd lost sight of. But I don't think I can truly move on until I come to terms with this.

Too much time, energy and happiness spent over this...I promised myself going into 2016 that I'd let go of this hurt and anger towards them, forgive myself and make things right, somehow. But I'm stuck in a hole that I've dug myself into, and don't know how to get out.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
Ouch. I can kinda relate. The only thing I could say is to find something to move on to other than a date like a hobby or some kind of activity that will get you to feel better about who you are as a person. It's better to take a break from dating and relationships to improve your relationship with yourself.

Pay no attention to anyone on here that wants to call you a loser and make you feel stupid for being a part of that situation. I found myself in a love triangle that I didn't even know was a love triangle. But the woman lied to me saying that the guy was just a friend when in fact he was a boyfriend...

...and I wasn't even interested. Dude dumped her because he thought she was having an affair with me.




Now she's stalking ME!!!

Last edited by TJenkins602; 01-20-2016 at 02:10 PM..
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