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Old 01-26-2016, 07:26 PM
 
3,308 posts, read 4,535,175 times
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As a 48-year old who has been divorced for 3 years and separated for 6, and has never had a real boyfriend in that time, I'm starting wonder.
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Old 01-26-2016, 07:34 PM
 
221 posts, read 315,968 times
Reputation: 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by patheticpeter View Post
I'm genuinely curious. I'm not trying to be mean to anyone, but it seems like whenever you hear about a 28 year old virgin who's never been in a relationship who sits in their parents' basement watching anime all day, it is a man. Do girls like this exist??
I was one of those girls, more or less.

I got into my first relationship at 27 and was a virgin until 28 (I'm 29 now). I have never lived in my parents' basement and I don't watch anime.

I was just really shy growing up, low self-esteem and confidence. I still am shy I suppose, but I've grown a lot. In high school I had my close group of friends, we were all fairly similar and while we all talked about WANTING boyfriends, we apparently weren't the type of girls to get any. We were all very focused on school and doing well, we had plenty of guy friends, but NONE of us had boyfriends in high school.

In college, I thought things would change. But I ended making very close friends with a bunch of girls that were always in a relationship, most in long-distance ones with high school boyfriends. None of them had any desire to go out and meet guys and so by default I never went out and met guys.

After college, I focused on my career. I happen to have a career that's very time-consuming outside of work (TEACHING), especially the first few years when I was building up my lessons and materials. So I never had time to date, or have any social life for that matter.

I thought I would be alone forever. Going that long with literally zero experience can really take a toll on you. No matter how much I wanted to find someone at that point, I was terrified of having to explain my lack of experience (and therefore, I had a really awkward first kiss experience, and had to have some conversations that were really difficult for me...luckily the guy was really understanding and patient about it!). Once he knew my whole history, all of the other firsts that came were so much more comfortable.

I am now out of that first relationship (it lasted 9 months) but it was a really great experience. I'm scared I won't find someone again, but now that I know what it's like and I know what I'm missing out on, I know that I will keep searching for it! The hardest part is behind me, right?
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Old 01-26-2016, 07:34 PM
 
Location: USA
3,156 posts, read 3,326,248 times
Reputation: 5367
I might be one of them, sad to say. 36 & never been in a serious relationship. Flings are a thing of the past for me. I'm not in the best of health and my looks don't attract much attention from men. Living in a small town doesn't help.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:12 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,933,916 times
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They are few and far between, but they are out there.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:13 PM
 
5,427 posts, read 4,408,165 times
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It's not as common because it is much easier for a woman to find sex. But it can happen. There are also plenty of women out there who can't find a man to commit to them but have no problems finding sex.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:16 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,304 posts, read 1,127,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I might be one of them, sad to say. 36 & never been in a serious relationship. Flings are a thing of the past for me. I'm not in the best of health and my looks don't attract much attention from men. Living in a small town doesn't help.
I know how you feel. Hugs to u!
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Illinois
4,751 posts, read 5,407,595 times
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Yes, there are.

Just curious OP, why is when it's a 28 year old guy doing it, he's a man, but when it's a 28 year old woman doing it, she's a girl?


---In before the MRA boys show up to say that any woman who is "forever alone" has ridiculous standards and must accept the attentions of any man who shows up because otherwise she is a snob and thinks she's too good for everyone.
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Old 01-26-2016, 09:06 PM
 
Location: moved
13,572 posts, read 9,586,462 times
Reputation: 23317
Quote:
Originally Posted by patheticpeter View Post
... a 28 year old virgin who's never been in a relationship who sits in their parents' basement watching anime all day...
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildHeart22 View Post
I got into my first relationship at 27 and was a virgin until 28 (I'm 29 now). I have never lived in my parents' basement and I don't watch anime.
It's enlightening, how the second quote above, negates the first. It bears repetition, that there are people - men or women - who have thriving careers, an excellent education, good finances, good physical health and decent appearance, who enjoy respect amongst their professional peers and so forth - and yet, who struggle with finding or sustaining relationships. There are also the above-imagined shiftless basement-dwellers who have no difficulty finding boyfriends/girlfriends.

Relationships in our modern society are based on feelings and evanescent sensations. If a woman makes a man feel good, or vice versa, she/he will succeed in relationships - whether dwelling in a cobweb-infested basement, or in a sprawling mansion. The corollary to "no one automatically deserves a relationship", is that "no qualifications are necessary for securing a relationship". One doesn't attain a certain ranking or career-threshold, at which one is bestowed with a certificate or license for a relationship. There's no such thing as the bar-exam, or a PhD dissertation defense.

Failure in one aspect of life, does not imply failure in another. On the contrary, it almost appears that there's a conservation law of success. Unlucky at cards, lucky in love, or something like that.

May we all be lucky in those things that matter the most.
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Old 01-26-2016, 09:48 PM
 
2,609 posts, read 2,484,292 times
Reputation: 3705
Definitely there are single women who stay single long after many of their friends are married (into their 30s, 40s, 50s...). I know many women like that, although not a single one lives in a basement and is into anime. One does live with her mother, but it's because she is the caretaker for her mother, not because her mother is footing the bill (my friend bought a house for them to live in). Some of the women I know are happy being single, some wish they could find the right person and "settle down."

If a girl isn't married, that's a good thing. After all, a "girl" is a child....
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Old 01-26-2016, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,267,533 times
Reputation: 8628
Of course. The idea that any woman can get a man is false. You have some women who can be unlovable just like some men who can be unlovable.
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