So sad over break up (dating, married, woman, loyalty)
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So after being single for 3 years, I met someone who I thought was a decent guy and we started dating and had an exclusive relationship for almost 7 months. After spending the past weekend together at his invite, he tells me that he thinks we are not compatible because I am not a sex maniac and that we should take a break. Granted I was celebate and have not been with anyone since my ex-husband while he said he masturbates almost daily.
I view sex in a relationship as an extension of how we feel about each other and it's the way we show our love for one another, so I am happy with once a day whereas he wants it 2 or 3 times a day. He also said that sex comes first for him in a relationship whereas for me I look for someone who has good values, morals, integrity and loyalty first (I was cheated on when I was married). I believe having a good sexual relationship with your partner happens over time as your feelings for each other grow.
I have been very down in the dumps and respected his decision, I can't force someone to love me or want to be with me. I believe when a couple takes a break that means it's over.
I did not sleep all night, tossing and turning crying myself in an out of sleep. I thought he had my back and am extremely disappointed that I did not see this coming. I feel like something is wrong with me, just like I didn't see when I was married that he was having an affair.
I went on FB and he changed his relationship status in a matter of hours and now has the nerve to call me saying that would I call him back because we should talk. I am so hurt and have nothing to talk about. Not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated, I'm sorry for sounding like a fool. Thank you
Last edited by PetiteGem; 01-29-2016 at 04:58 PM..
Reason: ad a sentence
I think you'll be ok without this guy.. I had a similar experience when I began dating again after some time. Found out that some people are so casual about sex, they treat it like a mere bodily function. To me there's just nothing casual about it.. . . Honestly, with your ex cheating, I would take this take this new man's requirements/conditions about sex as a red flag. If he wants you to put out more than feels natural for you, then there's no way to keep this guy "happy" w/out compromising a part of yourself. So find a match for you ~ don't break yourself trying to be a match for someone else. . . I know it sucks tho. This stuff is never fun having to deal with. Hang in there.
You have different values so it wasn't going to work. For him, sex comes first. (Who can sustain doing it two or three times a day for months on end? Once a day is pushing it in an established relationship.)
You want a guy who respects you and has his life in order. Sex is part of caring for the person you love.
Now that you've broken up, he realizes that he's gone from once or twice a day to probably none at all. Or he's having to work to find some other woman who's willing to put out that often. Ha, ha, ha.
Don't worry too much. Another guy will come along. In the meantime, you will have an extra 45 minutes of free time that you were wasting being his personal sex slave three times a day.
Sex everyday 2 or 3 times a day may be possible for two people who don't have jobs. But since most of us work I think his requirements are not very realistic. Good luck to him finding a woman like that, if he does find that chances are she'll be unemployed and mooching off him, haha.
I am so sorry but his selfish needs made for an incompatible relationship. I surely hope you can meet someone who can match your relationship requirements. Yours were normal; his were over the top selfish. I know it will be difficult to be without him but it is for the best in the long term.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know you are hurt, but I think you are doing the right thing by not meeting up with this guy to talk.
Seven months is a while for him to pull this nonsense, but he sounds shady. I agree with others that you are well shod of him!
Now it's time for self care! Do things that make you feel good. Go for a hike. Binge watch a season of a show. Buy a new outfit. Organize your bedroom. Whatever it is that makes you feel good, do it. You'll feel better and the sadness will wane, I promise.
I want to say thank you to everyone that offered their input, it has helped tremendously and I feel a little bit better. The pain in my heart is not as heavy and hope that as time goes on, it will continue to diminish. I feel very blessed to have find this forum.
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, But I think I know whats going on here.
