Girlfriend of 14 years not talking to me after miscarriage? (issues, best, close)
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I texted her saying I was worried because she's alone. Amazingly she texted back saying we need to have a serious conversation because 14 years can't just end like this.
What a weird situation. People really want to create some strange situations for themselves. Gives them something to do I guess.
At first I was going to say you're selfish because you're saying "She got pregnant." Remember it takes 2 people to create a child, so it's not really just her. She's assuming it's yours because you may have been the last person she had sex with before getting pregnant. But since you haven't given that information, or you just don't know it, I can't actually say that.
But you are pretty insensitive, posters are getting that right. You are just too boneheaded and stubborn to think about other people so you don't think before you speak. I'm sure everyone does this at times, but it doesn't mean that it still isn't true for you.
The best thing you can do right now, is back away and do what she asks. This will probably shape her in some way for the rest of her life, and she's going to mourn for a long time. You should mourn too, because this could have been your child. Unless you don't care about the stillborn child and her.
Seriously, right now, this should all be about her and what she wants.
Why do you think she's surprised? She told the OP he was probably glad she lost the baby. She doesn't sound shocked by his apathy at all to me.
Julia is absolutely correct of course. But its been my experience that people are more optimistic than they really should be in general. She may have cognitively known he was cold and heartless, but still harbored hope that something would change him, like maybe a child of his own. Instead, he was true to character and wanted his own flesh and blood dead.
Its the like the difference between cognitively knowing some day they will die, vs. being told they have terminal cancer and have 3 months to live. Totally different.
Original Poster, accept the fact that you are going to be a jerk to her for a long time. Having a miscarriage is quite traumatic to one's body and emotions, it is a tremendous loss and there is nothing that can be said or done to make it better. With time you learn how to cope with day to day without that child but it can take a long time and you still think about that child and that loss 30 years later.
Leave the woman alone and quit calling her your *girlfriend*, she is not, never was and probably never will be your girlfriend. She is merely someone you had sex with when you could not find anyone else to have sex with.
No, I'm not marrying anyone ever. She's 33. I'm 40.
And this is why 19-year-olds are too young for people in their mid-20s. She didn't have a chance to breathe before this guy swooped in and sunk his talons in. To think that this is all she has known of men, and this is what she had to learn from. Tragic, indeed.
She sees other people. She'll be okay in that regard.
But then I wonder, does/did she see other people? Based the OPs posts and his attitude I wouldn't be surprised if the open aspect of their relationship was primarily on his side of things.
But then I wonder, does/did she see other people? Based the OPs posts and his attitude I wouldn't be surprised if the open aspect of their relationship was primarily on his side of things.
He wondered if the baby was his, so she's getting it somewhere else.
We had a long conversation today. I apologised once again if I didn't act properly through of all of this and she said it was her fault because she had fallen in love with me several years ago and allowed this to go on just so she could be close to me.
I told her I never intended to hurt her so she should have ended it all once she realised she wasn't comfortable with our agreement anymore.
I told her I hope she recovers as best as she can and finds someone who suits her. We said goodbye and that's it. It's over. We agreed not to contact each other ever again. We've deleted each other's phone numbers, Facebook, emails, etc.
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