Originally Posted by seriouslyhadenough
So let me warn you up front: this is going to be pretty long. Lots of time, heartache, and problems to cover. But hey, it’s the weekend, so if you’re bored or just one of those people who loves to give advice, this may be for you.
So my wife (we commonly refer to each other as wife and husband, though we’re not married on paper; her reason for not wanting to get married is that my income would prevent her from getting the school grants that she does) and I have been having a rough go of it for the last month and a half. I’m going to try to keep this part of it short. She told me that she had a fantasy of having sex with another girl. I went along with it, but didn’t take it well. Afterwards, I told her I wanted to have sex with other girls too (even though I really don’t; I just wanted to make her as jealous as I was at the time), and she flipped out. She’s always been extremely jealous. Constantly accusing me of cheating even though I never have. Here are some examples of her extreme jealousy: Always going through my phone. I really don’t care, I have nothing to hide, but just the principle, you know? She hides her phone password from me, though. When we were long distance, I sent her a package that mistakenly included my daughter’s socks I thought they were hers that she left at my apartment. She swore up and down they were too big to be my daughter’s, and that they must be some other woman’s and I was cheating on her. I coach youth sports, and have been the head coach of every team that her 7 year-old son has been on. I had to get CPR certified for Pop Warner Football, and did it online. They sent me a certification card with someone else’s name on it by mistake (Mary D), and I just laughed it off and showed her. I guess she forgot, because a couple of weeks ago, I got woken up in the middle of the night by her asking “WHO THE **** ISMARY D?” She had gone through my wallet, took everything out of it and found the card. Swore that the presence of this card meant I was cheating on her. I think she actually remembered that I HAD gotten the wrong card later (I showed her the email that matched the date on the card when I got my certification), but she never apologized. A female co-worker replied to an email with “muah!” when I agreed to take care of an issue (she saw this because she goes through my work email), and this (OF COURSE) meant I was screwing her. Never mind the fact that said co-worker is very unattractive, while my wife is EXTREMELY attractive. Yes, I realize that men will cheat with someone much less attractive than their partner (e.g. Tiger Woods), but that’s beside the point. I have a wonderful woman at home who is great in the sack, and I have no reason to go anywhere else. But she flipped out about it. Kicked me out of the house. Seriously, I wish we had all the money back I’d spent on hotels from the times she’s kicked me out. Please understand this:I have never cheated on her. Not even close. Since the first time we met, I’ve never touched another woman.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: not legally married, she's insecure; accused you of of cheating with various women
OK, let me give some embarrassing background. We met online. Yahoo Answers of all places. We both trolled the crap out of that place. Her sense of humor was such that when she first mailed me from there, I didn’t believe she was actually a female. She was hilarious. Her humor was crass and vulgar, and something you’d expect from a dude. She approached me, and we started talking. We were both married at the time. Long story short,we left our respective spouses (who are both pretty crappy people, truth be told) for each other. Then again, I’m sure some would view us as the crappy people. I lived in Florida, she in Nevada. This was 2010. I took a job in Virginia, and after 3 years,I finally landed a job in Nevada and moved here. She went back to school, and has had a 4.0 GPA ever since. This woman is extremely smart and can do anything she wants to with her life. She’s in the social work program at University of Nevada and is currently studying for her LSAT and plans to attend law school. No matter what happens between us, she has a very bright future. Just the fact that she was a teen mom and dropped out of high school only to pick herself back up and do what she has done makes her an amazing person.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: met online; you moved to be with her; she gets good grades and is hardworking
On the heels of the whole “she had sex with another girl and I told her I wanted to have sex with other girls, too” fiasco, things have been really bad. Constant fighting. I’ve repeatedly implored her to work on our relationship together, but she just goes along with the status quo, and refuses to actually talk about all the issues. Just blames me for saying I want to have sex with other girls, and leaves it at that. We trudge through life. I work my ass off, she works her ass off. On our normal lives, not our relationship. But we never resolve anything. All I wanted from her was to hear that it was a one-time thing, she really only wants me, and she’ll never want to do that again. I’ve told her this. She’s never said it.[/color]
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: you and her fight a lot; you both work hard; she's insecure (again); you might be, too
Something you should know about her. She has an extreme case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I tell her how beautiful she is all the time, but she swears up and down how fat and ugly she is. Says she wants all the plastic surgery in the world. Seriously. She’s STUNNINGLY beautiful. She’s gorgeous just the way she is and doesn’t need any of it. Trying to make her happy, I got off my hardline stance against it, and she spent $900 this week on botox and “fillers” for her face (not even sure what was done, but I took time off work and drove her 100 miles to get it done at some place) and I really don’t see any difference. To be honest, I think that stuff is the Emperor’s New Clothes. She’s just as beautiful as she always was. Her face is stunning. Her body is amazing. I really don’t get it. Despite how many times I’ve told her that I don’t want her to change, she’s insistent on it. Wants a boob job, liposuction, a butt implant and other stuff. I mean seriously,wouldn’t the majority of women love the fact that their man is super attracted to them, loves them just the way they are and doesn’t want them to change?
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: she's insecure about her body
A little more background. In 2012 (I still lived in VA then, and she was here), I discovered that she had an email account I didn’t know about. Looked through it, and what I found was heartbreaking. She and a friend of hers had bought a prepaid phone. She signed up on a website to sell “worn panties” and have phone sex for money. Multiple pictures of her were posted on a website called pantydeal.com. I saw emails from guys asking her to do specific things for them. I thought everything was fine between us. We had just spent the most romantic day ever in the Outer Banks, and I had thought everything was perfect. I guess not. Back then, I made a lot more money than I do now, and had sent her thousands of dollars to help her pay bills. To find out that she was willing to do that was heartbreaking. She swore to me that she had never done anything, that she had just signed up for it, but never had any contact with other men. After time, I really did forgive her. I wasn’t sure whether I believed her or not, but I tried my best to put it out of my mind.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: she was a phone sex worker; you sent her money while she did this; you didn't know about her job
We have 4 kids. Two of mine from my previous marriage, two of hers from her previous marriage. Her kids (a 11 year-old boy who has his learning problems, but is a really sweet and awesome kid, and a 7 year-old boy who is athletic as hell and reminds me so much of a younger me except much cuter) live with us full-time, and call me “dad.” I love it. They’re super cool kids and I love spending time with them. I take them to the movies. I play games with them. I’ve coached both their sports teams. I help them with their homework. I really do my best to be a father to them. Their biological father doesn’t care that much about them, and when he actually does have them, they play video games in the house while he goes out with his friends or works on his jeep in the garage. Yes, I’m hard on them, but that’s because it’s a father’s responsibility to raise their sons to be men. I treat them no different than I treat my biological son. They’re great kids, and deserve a father, not a sometimes buddy. I have a 12 year-old daughter and a 10 year old son. They live with their mother (who hates my wife and will never view her as anything different than the homewrecker that destroyed her marriage; she’ll never take any responsibility for why our marriage was a train wreck in the first place) and come to us at Christmas and in the summer for six weeks. My wife and my daughter love each other. They like the same shows, the same makeup,the same girly stuff that they don’t have with anyone else. And yes, my biological kids have both called her “mom.” My daughter turns 13 in March, and it will be her choice who she wants to live with. I’ll be honest here: my wife is a bigger selling point to my daughter on moving here than I am. If it was just me, she’d probably stay right where she was. But she really loves her stepmom and they have a great relationship. I really wanted my daughter to live with us not just for selfish reasons, but because I think it’s better for her, too. I really feel like my kids need a positive nuclear family, and since my ex-wife and I split, she’s tried and repeatedly failed at relationships and having a family. Her whole sad life is on facebook and twitter for anyone to see, and the latest is that “she don’t need no man because God is the only man that any woman can count on!” Just a side note: Why do I know all this about my ex? Because I stalk her? Nope. I don’t give a moist turd who she’s with, as long as my kids are safe. Because my current wife stalks her. When I would fly to go get them because they couldn’t fly by themselves, I was accused of going out to my ex-wife’s car to get my dick sucked while my kids were in the hotel room. But if my wife and I aren’t together, my kids will probably just have more of my ex-wife’s buffoonery until they go to college, and I’ll only see them 7-8 weeks a year. And yeah, that SUCKS.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: kids from previous marriages (2 for her and 2 for you); complicated inter-family issues; you want a happy family; current 'wife' thinks your cheating with your ex
So here's the current problem. During one of our recent numerous fights, my wife told me that she had made “financial plans” to move on from me. She has recently reconnected with her biological father after a few years, and I had assumed it meant she would ask him for help. He’s not a rich man, but he has a few bucks set aside. He’s actually a pretty good guy who had not been the best dad when she was younger, but seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulders now. I’ll be up front here: he doesn’t like me. I feel like it’s mostly because of the age difference between us. He’s cordial and all, and like I said, actually a pretty good dude, but it’s there. He does passive aggressive crap. Her biological kids get presents from my parents. He doesn’t know my biological kids’ names, let alone have ever given them a gift. He wants to take my wife and kids out to dinner without me, only begrudgingly accepting me as part of the package. Hell, I still call him “Mr. (last name)” when her ex-husband was (and still is) on a first name basis with him. Yeah, I’ve gone off on a tangent again.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: she wants to bail out; her Dad might help; he doesn't like you, your kids, and the 'marriage'
Back to the current problem. Her body dysmorphiacomes into play here. I make a decent amount of money (about $70k annually) but that’s been a problem. I was making about $90k when I left Virginia, but took the pay cut so I could move and we could be together. She constantly complains about money and how she doesn’t have the things she wants. The biggest of which is plastic surgery. After a recent fight where she kicked me out, we got back together and I wanted to use her Amazon account to buy her something for her new car (2012 Buick Enclave, nice!!). She didn’t want me to look at her Amazon account (she has Prime, I don’t). When I questioned why, she eventually admitted to me that it was because she was going to order a wig. Why? So she could try to look different on the phone sex and panties-selling websites she was going to post on. Those were her “financial plans for being without me.” Of course I was heartbroken.[/color]
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: you don't make enough money for her; she wants expensive plastic surgery; apparently she is going back to the phone sex job
Yesterday I got home from work (I work most weekends. I worked out a deal with my CEO to work weekends for additional pay, even though I’m salaried; I’ve been doing this for almost a year, and have done this to try to make more money to make her happier. I probably average 6-1/2 days a week), and took a nap. I actually tried to be amorous with her when I got home, but she wanted nothing to do with it, and advised me to take a nap so we could do something later. When she woke me up, she told me that she was so insecure about her looks and her body, that she was going to sell her panties and be a phone sex operator. For the money to have plastic surgery. She didn’t care what I said.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: you work long hours; plastic surgery; apparently she is going to pay for it with money from the phone sex job
I told her that I was done. I couldn’t be with someone who sold their dignity like that. Regardless of what you think about doing that, I’m not with it and I never will be. After 5 years plus, I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve done everything for her. Given everything to her. She took our youngest to the grocery store with her and said she was going to get started on phone sex as soon as the kids went to bed. If she’s going to do that, I want no part of her. I bring in over $4500 a month into our house after taxes, and if she thinks she can do better than that, she’s going to do it without me. I did some research, and found that phone-sex operators make about $0.30 while they're on the phone. So that's $18/hr. She wont make anything close to what I bring to the table, so she's gonna wind up not even being able to pay the bills. I’m a decent looking guy, and I’m confident that when I’m eventually ready to be interested in other girls, I can find someone who has some self-respect and will be a good wife to me.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: you told her you're done; plastic surgery (again); she's starting the phone sex job soon; it doesn't pay much; you think you're a good looking guy and can do better
I just can’t do it. Am I wrong here? Should I put up with a woman who is willing to sell her sexuality to other men no matter how much it hurts me? This is hurting me. No matter what she says or thinks, I believe this is hurting her, too. She’s a wonderful woman and is better than this. I don’t know how she’s going to live with herself. Am I wrong about this? Am I trying “to turn a ho into a housewife” as the saying goes? Knowing that she threw away our relationship, my kids, her kids’ relationship with me. When she left, she got on her phone. Said she was calling the soccer league to remove our youngest boy from my team. Is she really willing to toss everything for some new boobs? When the ones she has are beautiful? I just don’t see it. I feel like I’ve been a fool. Like she’s always just wanted better than I could give her.
SUMMARY OF RELEVANT INFO: you want to know if we think you're wrong; you are hurting and maybe she is, too; she's sacrificing it all for enhancements; why doesn't she get it?
So I guess the question is this: Guys, would you do anything different? Girls, would you go to this length to hurt a man if he was willing to do almost anything else to stay together?
TL;DR – Shea ho. 5000, G.
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