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Nah, while there are plenty of scenarios how all of this would be fine, but for the most part not having a car and being in a full-time caretaker position would be negatives.
If we had an established relationship and everything was positive, then looking after his mom would be admirable. If it was a new thing, I'd steer clear for the same reason I'd be hesitant to date a single dad. His priorities would be weighted towards family and I'd be playing second fiddle.
Oh yeah, red flags popped up all over the place. I don't see a romantic future with this guy. Just someone to hang out with, at the most. Oh well. It is what it is.
For the women in this forum, if you hit it off really well with a guy, but you find out he doesn't have a car at the moment and he also tells you he had moved back in with his mother to take care of her, would that be a dealbreaker for you continuing to date him? For those who don't consider this a dealbreaker is there a certain a amount of time you would give him to have his own place and his own car? It may be coming across as shallow but I am sure a lot of you wouldn't want to be driving your boyfriend around or find out he just wants to live off of you. So I am just curious.
I can't date someone without a car because then that would mean I would have to do all the driving and I hate driving. Also, I'd prefer someone who can afford a car.
Why did you bury the lead, OP? Once again you didn't give people enough information to go on to give you their own honest opinions.
Suspended license? Driving his friend's car anyway? Sounds like he makes poor life choices. Hard pass.
Taking care of his mother? Well, I had to move back home for a couple months to help my mom out this past fall, but I made it clear to all that this was not a permanent situation. So...it depends on the TRUE circumstances. Some guys may lie to save face.
I met a guy a couple years ago during my brief OLD phase who was kind of weird about meeting me anywhere too far from his house. When I found out he'd had his license suspended for drunk driving, I lost interest. Sorry but a 40 year old man should know better.
At any rate, you said you aren't compatible with him, so it doesn't really matter what we think.
My husband hadn't owned a car in nearly a decade when we met, and had been living in the martial arts school he teaches at (had moved back to the area and was in the process of buying a condo).
It was not a big deal. He was able to ride his bike and use public transportation. We live in a big enough city that allows for easy, convenient access to things that are in walking (or riding) distance.
I'd have no issue with the situation in the OP. It's not terribly uncommon.
Back when I was a kid my marital arts instructor was also living at his "dojo" at one point, He was actually going to seminary school at the time, so I think he was probably flat broke as most college people tend to be.
I don't think I could be with someone that didn't have a car or a license, here in So Cal everything is spread out so far and wide, public transport here sort of sucks to be honest and while I personally don't give a rats azz, when you talk about taking the bus here people sort of, IDK.. it's seems to be sort of a class thing, it's hard to explain, but there's sort of stigma about riding the bus here.
I remember being a kid and being a bus riding fool, I was 11 or 12 and I'd take some pocket change and take the bus to the beach and bogie board all day and we'd take the bus back home, tired, hungry, sunburnt and exhausted.
When I first moved Downtown I didn't have a car, cause I didn't need one. But it didn't help me get dates at all. As soon as it was found out I didn't have a car, all contact stopped. The second I got one, my dating life improved ALOT. As others have pointed out it really depends not just on location, but age. At age 19-15 those things may not be an issue, but at my age, women expect total independence. It is what it is.
When I first moved Downtown I didn't have a car, cause I didn't need one. But it didn't help me get dates at all. As soon as it was found out I didn't have a car, all contact stopped. The second I got one, my dating life improved ALOT. As others have pointed out it really depends not just on location, but age. At age 19-15 those things may not be an issue, but at my age, women expect total independence. It is what it is.
Men have certain expectations of women too, so it goes both ways, I can't be with a woman that is broke and works retail or some other minimum wage job, so we all have things that whether fair or not, we still have certain expectations of what we want in a relationship.
Why did you bury the lead, OP? Once again you didn't give people enough information to go on to give you their own honest opinions.
Suspended license? Driving his friend's car anyway? Sounds like he makes poor life choices. Hard pass.
Taking care of his mother? Well, I had to move back home for a couple months to help my mom out this past fall, but I made it clear to all that this was not a permanent situation. So...it depends on the TRUE circumstances. Some guys may lie to save face.
I met a guy a couple years ago during my brief OLD phase who was kind of weird about meeting me anywhere too far from his house. When I found out he'd had his license suspended for drunk driving, I lost interest. Sorry but a 40 year old man should know better.
At any rate, you said you aren't compatible with him, so it doesn't really matter what we think.
Men have certain expectations of women too, so it goes both ways, I can't be with a woman that is broke and works retail or some other minimum wage job, so we all have things that whether fair or not, we still have certain expectations of what we want in a relationship.
Well it doesn't apply to me so I'm not worried. I have my own place, own car, support myself. I want a guy who is on that same plane. So yeah it's not going to work looks like and plus I have noticed other red flags today when talking to him, that was off putting. So yeap, friend zone.
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