Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Earlier this year I had began dating this girl, let`s call her EX, in one of my classes (we`re in high school). She seemed really sweet and was nice to me and she liked the fact that I was really nice to her. I eventually learned that she has suffered from depression, especially after something that had happened the previous year. She dated a girl, whom she was very much in love with. But her girlfriend cheated on her and left. EX was devastated after this, she resorted to pills and cutting. Now throughout the relationship she was cold and very distant and I assumed it was because of the depression, so I supported her as best as I could. And at first things were going great, but then she started talking to other guys. Which was fine, but they constantly hit on her and flirted with her. Whenever I tried mentioning this, I wound up to be the crazy one. We only hung out once the entire four months we went out. She would constantly complain about me and after every fight I would be the one to apologize. She told me that sex was her boundary and how nasty it was for people to do that. But a month later she sends me this huge text saying that I`m not a man for trying to do this stuff and that I need to take what I want and dating me was like being with a little kid. Later on she started texting her ex again and met up with him. She wanted to go to the movies with him even though her and I never hung out. He confessed his feelings for her and she was going to meet with him the next day. I found out and we got into a big fight over it.
A few days later she broke up with me saying that she wasn`t in love with me anymore (a week after she said I`m the best thing that`s happened to her.) I didn`t take it very well and was hurt and angry. She apologized for breaking my heart and at first was very sweet about it. She told me over and over we might try again but as time past this changed. Some days she would love me and others she didn`t want me. She`d be rude to me and other days she would be nice and want to get back together. Eventually she told me that she wants to stay single so that she can be happy by herself and focus on being better. I was sad but that`s alright. We got into a few more fights after I got mad about the rude, hurtful things she would say to me. But then I turned out to be the bad guy. One week I was doing fine and texted her to see how she was doing. She blew me off and treated me like I was a joke. I told her that it was rude and that I hate her. The next day she got a new boyfriend (despite saying she wanted to be a better person) and he came after me. Later she texted me, "Oh sorry lol he wont mess with you again". I told her to leave me alone and she just made fun of me. Now she treats me like such a b word and I hate it because I`ve been so so good to her. I wrote poems for her, and stayed up with her, and supported her, and believed in her, and prayed for her, she was my everything. I admit, it was my first breakup and I had a hard time letting go. But now I`m perfectly fine, I`m about to start dating a new girl. But every time I see EX she treats so badly and I always seem to want to **** her off and I don`t need that right now. Sometimes I`m a jerk to her when she`s mean to me but I`m kind of nervous that if I don`t leave then her bf is gonna kick my ass. So am I a crazy ex bf? (I by no means want her back and I`m known to be a really nice guy so it worries me that I could be a jerk.)
You're teenagers so I recommend you take this as a learning experience:
1. Don't get involved with someone who is suffering from depression. They are not capable of having a healthy relationship until they themselves are independently healthy, emotionally and mentally. Something as extreme as cutting and drug abuse is especially unstable. (I am not trying to sound judgmental of people suffering from depression - they ARE suffering - but until they are not, it's best for everyone if they don't get romantically involved with someone).
2. You hung out once the entire 4 months you were dating and she went out with her ex boyfriend in the mean time? She's not that into you. She was probably just using you, perhaps as an ego-boost.
3. She sends you mixed messages about sex. This is a fake rape allegation waiting to happen.
4. "Eventually she told me that she wants to stay single so that she can be happy by herself and focus on being better." - This is the only sane, rational, and healthy thing she has ever done or said among what you have described. Unfortunately, it was all BS and she's not following through. Unstable people are not reliable people - they will say things and make promises they know you want to hear, but they rarely mean it. You can not trust anything that someone who constantly flip flops says.
5. Her new boyfriend comes after you - either he's just as unstable as she is, or she's spun him some fake stories about you that makes him think he's her savior by going after you. This is assuming you did not instigate anything (we're only getting your side of the story here).
6. "I wrote poems for her, and stayed up with her, and supported her, and believed in her, and prayed for her, she was my everything." - Oh, dear, you're very sweet, but you put your faith in the wrong girl. Maybe you have a "savior" complex, or maybe you're just young and naive. Either way, learn from this.
7. If you're still angry when you see her or think about her, you are not over this and should not get involved with another girl yet. You may have no desire to get back together with your ex but you are not over the hurt and pain she inflicted on you, or you wouldn't be posting this to begin with. Cut all possible communication with her, and don't approach her if you can't avoid running into her. Give yourself time to heal and remember, she is not the girl you thought she was. Sounds like you were a little in love with the idea of being in love, and that is normal for someone your age.
Well thanks for the helpful advice everybody. Sadly she`s in one of my classes and I have been trying to switch out but sadly I can`t. I`m fine when I don`t see her, and when I do I`m a little down but I focus on other things. And no I haven`t really instigated anything, mostly I just react to how she treats me but now I know that if I keep responding to her or let it get to me , I know it`s gonna be flipped and her new boyfriend might show up.
I tend to overthink things but yesterday before I made this post, I had asked her if I could get a video game I had given her back. She did the usual treat me like garbage crap and I said "You`re acting crazy". Now I`m not the kind of person who labels an ex as "crazy", but I am legit frightened by her. I avoid her anyway I can because I`m afraid she`s going to tell her boyfriend that I`m being a d bag or whatever. And I`m going to be jumped (yeah he has a few friends :/ )
But this is the worst case scenario, I avoid her any way I can and ignore how she treats me but it honestly worries me what she could be saying to him. (I was so afraid of getting my butt kicked I stayed home today.........)
Well thanks for the helpful advice everybody. Sadly she`s in one of my classes and I have been trying to switch out but sadly I can`t. I`m fine when I don`t see her, and when I do I`m a little down but I focus on other things. And no I haven`t really instigated anything, mostly I just react to how she treats me but now I know that if I keep responding to her or let it get to me , I know it`s gonna be flipped and her new boyfriend might show up.
It's not just about her new boyfriend showing up, you should stop responding to her because it's what's best for your own emotional/mental well being.
Quote:
I tend to overthink things but yesterday before I made this post, I had asked her if I could get a video game I had given her back. She did the usual treat me like garbage crap and I said "You`re acting crazy". Now I`m not the kind of person who labels an ex as "crazy", but I am legit frightened by her. I avoid her anyway I can because I`m afraid she`s going to tell her boyfriend that I`m being a d bag or whatever. And I`m going to be jumped (yeah he has a few friends :/ )
But this is the worst case scenario, I avoid her any way I can and ignore how she treats me but it honestly worries me what she could be saying to him. (I was so afraid of getting my butt kicked I stayed home today.........)
Has he threatened you? If he has, and you're truly worried he might assault you, you should tell the school, and if they don't take you seriously, you should go to the police. There might not be anything anyone can do about it, but if you file a formal complaint and have it on record that he threatened you, or at least that you felt threatened by him, then if anything does happen, it's on record and it will be easier to prosecute him.
He hasn`t threatened me but I know that might be something he`d turn to. So far things are somewhat calm, but if things do escalate and he approaches me again I will let my school know. But I hope it won`t turn to that because he`s huge.
I am having a hard time getting past the situation though, sometimes it feels like I can`t stop thinking about it. But I know one reason is that I`m not doing anything except sitting down the second I walk through the door. So I`m doing what I have to, meeting new people and making new friends, I am going to start volunteering at my local food bank and I am going to give boxing a try, and I might even finish that movie I started writing...........
But I really appreciate this, I honestly took everything to heart and I was beginning to think I was the jerk and it was all my fault. It sucks I had to find out this way though, but I`m glad I learned this lesson. I know what girls would be more suitable for me now so I guess I can really get alot out of my next relationship when I`m ready for one.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
