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To the degree that this still exists anywhere, I agree.
Alimony certainly does exist. A friend of mine is in the process of getting divorced. Splitting the assets down the middle gives her $2.5 million. She's a long-lapsed software engineer who did the mommy track and refuses to re-enter the industry because "it would be demeaning". His attorney says he's on the hook for alimony until he hits age 65. She's contesting it because she wants a much bigger alimony check than the state mandates. WTF! $2.5 million is set for life and she still wants more. The state law in family court is total boilerplate. There's nothing he can do but fortunately, her dreamland of a $100K per year check isn't the formula the state uses. In a conversation a few weeks ago, he said something like "It's their family mode of operation. The women marry up and then bleed their husband dry." His mother-in-law did it. His sister-in-law did it. Now he's living it.
Alimony certainly does exist. A friend of mine is in the process of getting divorced. Splitting the assets down the middle gives her $2.5 million. She's a long-lapsed software engineer who did the mommy track and refuses to re-enter the industry because "it would be demeaning". His attorney says he's on the hook for alimony until he hits age 65. She's contesting it because she wants a much bigger alimony check than the state mandates. WTF! $2.5 million is set for life and she still wants more. The state law in family court is total boilerplate. There's nothing he can do but fortunately, her dreamland of a $100K per year check isn't the formula the state uses. In a conversation a few weeks ago, he said something like "It's their family mode of operation. The women marry up and then bleed their husband dry." His mother-in-law did it. His sister-in-law did it. Now he's living it.
Maybe its not the general but all the husbands I know (3 in total) that went through divorce ended up owing alimony. So while my observation is no way a statistical significance it is just what I have observed. One was my mentor as a student engineer.. he said if you get divorced do it before the 10th year (not sure what that means) but he was married for 13 I think. He lost the house and had to agree to a certain amount of alimony for a period of time... every 5 years the amount got smaller. She ended up renting out "his" home and moved back to her home country living off of the rent proceeds + alimony.. living it up in "early retirement". The silver lining is that he ended up marrying someone really nice (my real estate agent for my home.. lol) and took on the support her and her two children (father disappeared). He used that plus the fact that the exwife wasn't in country to represent herself to leverage a reduction and eventual end to the alimony. We are not talking about a rich fellow here.... but the amount he paid out to her seemed oppressive.
One observation more directly related to this thread.... the website MGTOW.com is really not doing the wider population of those that associate themselves as "men going their own way" any good. It pops up at the top of search results and "seems" to indicate that it is a representation of the "movement" as a whole, which apparently isn't true. So those of us seeking more information about it are being misinformed as it seems.
I got slaughtered in a Massachusetts divorce in the late-1990's and that's without children. I've just now gotten my net worth back to where it was then and I'm still not there if you account for inflation. Anyone with assets and higher income would be nuts to get married without a prenup.
Why the "nothing personal"? Why should anyone be offended by a personal decision a stranger makes?
Please also know that women can feel just as trapped as men in all sorts of ways due to marriage (no offense, wink wink). I have said before here and hold to it: if my husband and I divorce I will never be married again. Full stop. I'll have dates if I want, I'll have sex if I want, I'll have a relationship if I want. Or not. And I will have the freedom, including the legal freedom, to simply walk should things go south. Simple as that.
An irony I'm seeing on this thread is various guys intimidating that women will be upset, angry, "offended" or whatever if certain guys don't want to get married. Why would they? They don't have to date you, LOL. Not to mention there ARE women who wish to remain childfree, there are women who never want to be married, and so on.
So there's no reason to think the female population is lying around depressed that various guys don't want to be married, LOL. In general they likely don't give you or your choices a second thought.
I keep seeing a demand for making joint custody mandatory. Do men WANT this? Let's face it, one giant bone of contention (though this by no means applies to all fathers) you hear over and over again, and that many of us have experienced, is Mom doing the majority of the child rearing even if both adults work full-time. (I know there are stats on this somewhere...I can do a search if anyone wants.)
Are dads everywhere really screaming to have 50% of FULL RESPONSIBILITY, NO WIFE AROUND TO HELP period, for however many years, perhaps the rest of their children's childhoods (the way women are so often willing to take on, while working)? Am I wrong about this? I just have not seen men even bringing the subject up all that often.
If I'm wrong, somebody correct me. Do the majority - at least 51%, let's say - of divorcing dads want exactly joint custody and all the single handed responsibility that will entail?
If so, then yes, a travesty of justice is being committed here. But frankly I can see, if this were made mandatory, kids literally being forced onto unwilling and unqualified Dad, and even more dads abandoning (nationally) than do now (and it's already a problem).
But if not then why the hell force it on fathers who don't want it, will resent it, will do a shE*try job at it and may even run?
I keep seeing a demand for making joint custody mandatory. Do men WANT this? Let's face it, one giant bone of contention (though this by no means applies to all fathers) you hear over and over again, and that many of us have experienced, is Mom doing the majority of the child rearing even if both adults work full-time. (I know there are stats on this somewhere...I can do a search if anyone wants.)
Are dads everywhere really screaming to have 50% of FULL RESPONSIBILITY, NO WIFE AROUND TO HELP period, for however many years, perhaps the rest of their children's childhoods (the way women are so often willing to take on, while working)? Am I wrong about this? I just have not seen men even bringing the subject up all that often.
LOTS of 50% or better Dads around here. This attitude is part of the problem. One of the things a sensible woman goes for is a good PERSON. Good people are good parents if they decide to have kids. We need to raise more of those.
Among those that are divorced, separated, and even never married but with children, I have yet to know one father who doesn't want to be apart of their children's lives. (At least one lives with the father.. mother spends most of her time in her native country)
However, I do know that there are many bad fathers out there... my circle of friends are filled with the direct result of it. I'd argue (and many of my friends would probably snicker at me for saying so), they didn't choose wisely the men to bring into their lives and have children with. Such as their problem they have to live with.
I don't believe it really matters what the statistics say.... I believe each situation is individual and if the father wants joint custody, he should be considered for it. In many cases, he is never considered and custody is automatically award to the mother unless a compelling reason is presented by the father; the burden is onus on the father, which I believe is wrong.
However, in our society the majority of the child rearing is done by the mother. That is definitely changing as more mothers are choosing to pursue careers and fathers make the choice to stay at home (my neighbors are an example). However, that is still not the norm in our society and many fathers accept this; opting that the children stay with the mother for the sake of the children.
I personally couldn't live happily without being a daily integral part of my children's lives... they are important to me and my happiness. I cannot comprehend how fathers could simply walk away from their children... but yet... each and every day... I talk to single mothers who are exactly in that situation.
Last edited by usayit; 02-14-2016 at 11:23 AM..
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