Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
2,071 posts, read 2,195,619 times
Reputation: 3831

Advertisements

TLDR because I am selfish about my time.
I just do not care that much if people think I am selfish. Maybe you should consider something similar
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:27 AM
 
708 posts, read 818,926 times
Reputation: 1406
Quote:
Originally Posted by When We Were Kings View Post
Perhaps I didn't make it clear in the original post. At the end of the original post, I stated when we started dating, I told her the truth. And she accepted it without a problem. However, she's had a change of heart recently.

I don't believe in change of hearts when it comes to things like that. It's possible she had that on the back of her mind for a while and was hoping that you would change your mind. Think back to see if there were ever any signs of that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:30 AM
 
5,051 posts, read 3,545,569 times
Reputation: 6510
Quote:
Originally Posted by When We Were Kings View Post
Perhaps I didn't make it clear in the original post. At the end of the original post, I stated when we started dating, I told her the truth. And she accepted it without a problem. However, she's had a change of heart recently.
I was in a similar situation - I think it is very common. There is even a term for it - Baby Fever.

After all women are biologically wired to want/have children - just because many master it does not contradict the truth of it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:37 AM
 
5,427 posts, read 4,404,158 times
Reputation: 7247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
It's selfish to be in a relationship with a woman who wants children when you would have known before your first date that you are never having children. Why has this gone on for two years?
He needed to have sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by When We Were Kings View Post
Perhaps I didn't make it clear in the original post. At the end of the original post, I stated when we started dating, I told her the truth. And she accepted it without a problem. However, she's had a change of heart recently.
You are blameless. Move on. Forget her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:37 AM
 
5 posts, read 3,644 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuestOfTruth View Post
I don't believe in change of hearts when it comes to things like that. It's possible she had that on the back of her mind for a while and was hoping that you would change your mind. Think back to see if there were ever any signs of that.
There were no signs I could think of. And if there were, perhaps I missed them. She too, is career-oriented and her job is very demanding. Requires a lot of her time even when she's not on the clock. A mutual friend introduced us, thinking we were a good match since we were both highly dedicated to our respective fields. And in the beginning he was right. But things have changed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:38 AM
 
5 posts, read 3,644 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vacanegro View Post
I was in a similar situation - I think it is very common. There is even a term for it - Baby Fever.

After all women are biologically wired to want/have children - just because many master it does not contradict the truth of it.
Her sister had a child at the beginning of last year. Perhaps something like that prompted it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,678 posts, read 41,512,884 times
Reputation: 41297
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuestOfTruth View Post
You better make sure you are very careful and that no accidents happen then. I hope you have already been protecting yourself and no simply relying on the other party to do so.
Personally I'd recommend the snip so a woman or "God" can't try to pull the okie-doke on you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,190,043 times
Reputation: 50367
Why do people need such validation for their life choices? Do they REALLY think they should have kids when they don't want to? WOULD they if people on here told them they were being selfish? Would they jump off a cliff?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,190,043 times
Reputation: 50367
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vacanegro View Post
I was in a similar situation - I think it is very common. There is even a term for it - Baby Fever.

After all women are biologically wired to want/have children - just because many master it does not contradict the truth of it.
Golly....I guess the OP is a master of his fate too since his biological imperative is to "spread his seed" (God I love that term - makes me think of Johnny Appleseed) and yet he apparently has no desire to. Since so many men AND women are able to master their biology the imperative is pretty weak these days!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-07-2016, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,944 posts, read 2,912,743 times
Reputation: 3805
Quote:
Originally Posted by When We Were Kings View Post
My girlfriend (of 2 years) wants to have a child with me. I haven´t wanted to have children ever since I was a child myself. When I figured out what I wanted to do in life (I´m a documentary filmmaker) at the age of 15, and when I did my research and studying on what being a documentary Writer-Producer-Director entailed, I came to the conclusion that having a family was not for me. I am now thirty years old and I still don´t want to have kids.

This is not to say you can´t have a family if you are in the business of making documentaries. I have a lot of filmmaker friends who have families. Despite the fact working on a documentary can be hell (18 hour a day shoots in a foreign land, the pay is generally poor and that most likely, only a handful of people will see the project you spent 2 years pouring your heart out over) they are still wonderful parents.

I don´t think I can be so flexible – I´m an obsessive. When I´m working on a project, nothing else matters. I am entirely consumed by the film 24/7. If you are a family member, a friend or a lover, not seeing me for 5 months is the norm when I´m shooting or editing. With that in mind, how on earth could I be a father? I would be terrible at it.

Because of my filmmaking obsession, my relationships with women have been brief catastrophes (I´m honest with them from the beginning – I let women know my career has always been my priority). In fact, my relationship with my current girlfriend is the longest time I have been with a woman.

Filmmaking is an extremely risky business from a financial perspective; my father actually didn´t speak to me for more than a year because I chose film school instead of law or business school. It´s not like you can rely on a steady cheque at the end of the month. It is very difficult to make ends meet. In the last decade, I couldn´t make a living off documentaries alone. I have been supplementing my income with shooting wedding videos (which I hate – but they pay well at least), commercials and corporate videos.

However, 2015 was my breakthrough year. I have been in the D-League for the entirety of my career. 2015 allowed me to go into the NBA. It allowed me to move a big step up. My latest film was very well received critically and commercially. It has been absolutely wonderful as I am now getting the kind of offers and potential projects I always dreamed of. Projects I couldn´t do in the past because of $$$. I feel like this is phase 2 of my career and I sure as hell don´t want to take my foot off the pedal now. But my girlfriend (who God knows how, has tolerated me for this long) wants to have kids. And honestly, I am torn, because I have never felt this way about any other woman. But I also know my insatiable ambition and hunger to make films would not be able to co-exist with fatherhood.

I´m resigned to losing my girlfriend. We have grown further apart since we disagreed. We argue much more. But I simply will not bend. Filmmaking is my priority. Having a family isn´t. I was honest with her when we first started dating. She said she was career-oriented too and she understood. Now she is calling me selfish. Does this make me selfish?
Dump her and pursue your passion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top